Lately I seem to be trolling the Internet to see if there are any other blogs dealing with DI or related issues. Generally I find sites where mothers are blogging and no fathers. What I found late last week was a post regarding SSM which as part of the writer's argument referred to listing the non biological parent on a child's birth certificate as illegal. The site I found this on was Family Scholars.org. It itself referenced the original blog Left2Right where the writer posted his views. My own view is that by listing my name as the father I am affirmatively stating my agreement to raise and care for the child. In effect entering into a contract with my spouse and the State. The position of the writer, a NYU professor, is that this violates the rights of the child. His position references a proposed UN resolution, that I must admit I have not yet read. The writer it should be noted was himself conceived via donor conception. I encourage all readers to view the exhange of views on the linked FamilyScholars page.
My own experience thus far has been that the majority of the adult community conceived via DI have had a negative experience as most grew up at a time when the stigma was much stroner and the info was withheld from the child and was usually only told when the child was older and the info taken as a surprise leading to shock and resentment.
Marty, a frequent commenter to this site, as part of the discussion posits that by listing the non-bio parent as the father we are cutting off the child's true history:
But what exactly have we formalized here? In addition to the expected responsibilities of fatherhood, you have formalized that your son’s biological father will remain unknown and anonymous, that your son has no particular right or expectation to know his biological origins, that his biological father can sign away any and all responsibility for his anonymously created offspring, and that adults can contract for hire to enjoy legal parenthood without the bonds of biological kinship. That’s a heck of a legacy for a child to have to grow into.
Again as I stated on the continuing within the continuing FamilyScholars discusion that many DI families created today plan to inform the children of their true conception and share what bio info they know of the donor. It is possible that the donor will always remain unknown? It is quite likely but if the story is told early enough and continuously it is my understanding that it is but one facet of the child's life and he or she will not believe their rights were violated. I believe many DI homes are just as loving if not more so that naturally created family structures. I don't have the facts but this is what I see from the posts I see on the DSR yahoo groups.
So in summary my position is that I am the Dad to these kids and the donor Father is not so my listing on the Birth Cert is evidence of that love and committment and if it is believed to replace the donor as father so be it.
So in summary my position is that I am the Dad to these kids and the donor Father is not..
ReplyDeleteMy only question is this: what gives YOU the right to make such a determination about another human being? As you say, when your child becomes 18, he may very well decide otherwise and seek out his donor dad. But what does the age of adulthood have to do with anything, other than your child's right to challenge your decisions fairly, one adult to another? On what basis could you make such a determination for a child who will someday become an unrelated adult as legally equal to you as myself or any other stranger?
PS: are you married to a woman, or do you live in Massachusetts? I may have you confused with another commenter @ FSB.
One more thing:
ReplyDeleteif the story is told early enough and continuously it is my understanding that it is but one facet of the child's life and he or she will not believe their rights were violated.
Doesn't this statement leave just a hint of that nasty aftertaste of brainwashing behind? Just curious...
Marty - I have appreciated your positions and many of your comments as they have been thought provoking. I have even highlighted your comments as appropriate but as you yourself commented in your comment to the below post you are beginning to border on being attacking. And to fill in your memory I am one half of a heterosexual couple living in NYC).
ReplyDeleteI hope you continue to engage provocative questions, and will forgive me for occasional abrasiveness.
ReplyDelete