Many of the topics discussed on the DI Dads yahoo group repeat when new members join and existing members give advice or reply to "new" questions. A few days ago one new member ( a hopeful dad-to-be) gave his definitions and comments in response to another member's thoughts on using the term "biological father" as opposed to "donor".
In order to respect the privacy of the members of the DI Dads group I generally don't quote comments made there but I thought it worthwhile to share in this instance (with the new member's permission) as they represent many (not all but many) DI Dad's views and my own.
"To me a donor is someone who is willing to give something which is only a part of themselves whether it be money, an organ, time or sperm. But a (good) father is someone who devotes himself entirely to raise a child, takes the good with the bad, gives guidance etc..
Personally I do not like the term "biological" if somebody mentioned that word the first thing that would come to my mind would be "warfare"...it almost sounds like a disease ;)
I agree with you the word "Donor" would seem more appropriate at least until kids come to an age of being able to understand more. Plus when you look around you, I think that getting someone pregnant is truly the easy part, the hard part comes with dealing with the pregnancy and the child once it is born and beyond. There are plenty of so called"fathers" out there that are no more than just donors in reality when you look at how little they share with their kids."
If my posting of these comments offends any of the DI Dads I apologize and I will refrain from doing so in the future and limit myself here to my own responses to general discussions.
But a man's sperm is more than just a 'part of himself' it carries within it his entire DNA, his entire genetic inheritance. How can you possibly equate that with just any other 'thing'? Even an organ for that matter which, of course only enables life rather than being intrinsic to the creation of life.
ReplyDeleteI was defining the term "donor" as opposed to "father". To donate is to give. No one is forced to give sperm and anyone considering doing so should take time to seriously think about their motives before doing it. A true donor is someone who gives without expecting something in exchange.
ReplyDeleteDonating sperm or an egg is perhaps the greatest type of donation and the reward is in the intrinsic pleasure knowing that you are helping someone less fortunate than yourself.
As for sperm being part of oneself, I'll stick to that comment because no sperm on its own will produce children.
In order to have children the sperm must meet the egg and the egg carries the DNA of the mother, her part of the equation.