Well I finally got to see the movie "The Kids are All Right".
Spoiler Alert.
I found all the scenes of the two teenagers interactions with their donor and the scenes of how they made contact spot on with what I expected to see and the scenes were played by the three actors quite well and with respect for the interactions they were portraying.
As I am not a lesbian mom I cannot say if the parent's reactions were what I expected or what would occur. What I can say is that the characters portrayed by Benning and Moore could very easily been a heterosexual couple and the movie played out almost exactly the same. I can see how introducing a new individual into a long term marriage with similiar issues of "appreciation" could go the exact same way.
One fear of many DI Dads I have interacted with on the DI Dads Yahoo group is the fantasy / concern that a spouse may end up wanting to sleep with the donor if they ever met. The reality is this probably rarely if ever happens as 99% of hetero couples will never meet the donors they chose.
Are lesbian couples more likely to invite a donor to their home so all parties can meet? Perhaps as they might find a male donor less threatening than a hetero couple certainly would. But as I saw in this movie as the married Moms were at a point where one mom was vulnerable she allowed / initiated "something more" with their donor. At this point the movie became more about infidelity and reconciliation than donor conception.
Overall I felt the movie addressed each issue (donor conception / infidelity) as it would be played out in real life and it should be commended for that. I just hoped the two issues would never had to be mixed as I felt bad that these teenagers now forever will link the infidelity to their donor and the relationship will probably never progress beyond that point.
Interesting to hear your thoughts. I hadn't come across the fear of infidelity before, as it happens. I guess I can understand how some may feel that way, even though, to my mind, using donor sperm "should" give pretty much the opposite message - that it is an affirmation of fidelity (despite infertilty). So it's interesting to hear that it is something that crosses some minds.
ReplyDeleteBea
The infidelity fear is certainly not universal among DI Dads but a number have brought it up over the years on the Yahoo group.
ReplyDeleteYour comment that using donor can be seen as an affirmation is trumped by the fact, for these men, that another man's genetic material has entered their wife's body. For them they see it as a violation of her body. Even though no physical act with the donor was involved.