One Last Post for 2010

During 2009 my children learned they had one more half sibling. We wondered if 2010 would bring any more half siblings into our lives. None showed up. Is that good or bad I cannot say. My kids are lucky to have found two half sibs as many DI / DE kids never find any and always wonder.

Do the children or the parent(s) of DI kids look for half sibs as a replacement for the anonymous donors that are generally lost to their kids? I cannot say. Do we look for these half sibs due to guilt on our parts a parents? Again I cannot say. I wonder though. I certainly am not as keyed into these thoughts as I once was.

My kids are my kids. Now I am more keyed into issues that affect their day to day lives and not so much the larger DI picture. Perhaps that is good. If this issue were in their lives every day how would that affect their thoughts about DI? Would they be so keyed up that it would affect them negatively or positively?

I wish we had a support group like the Donor Conception Network here. But in truth there are local groups that do offer seminars and get togethers with the kids (The Third party Parenting Network and the NYC Gathering) that I should attend with the kids so they have exposure to the issues without deluging them. Perhaps in 2011, once things settle down again I will step back and look for answers. But right now I am still just trying to be a good dad.

Happy Holidays 2010, Welcome 2011

A few random thoughts....

Life these past 18 months has been anything but predictable or where I expected to be but nonetheless it is where I am and from where I must continue. My children are well and within the last 12 months plus gotten the chance to see each of their half siblings.

I have begun writing a bit again and hope to do so with more regularity. I expect to shut down my other blog (non DI related) as I no longer have the desire to keep it going.

I am so very tired but expect part of that is adjusting to the holidays. DI is not in any way a focus to my life these days but I still wonder what it will mean to my kids and for that reason will never walk away from the issue or this blog. When I have time again I hope to again increase my involvement with the issue.

In the past two weeks I opened the question on the DI Dads Yahoo Group of creating a Facebook page which would act as a link to the Yahoo Group encouraging those men looking for support to say hello and join. Due to continuing fears and issues surrounding facebook privacy and security the Yahoo group members asked me to not create such a page for fear of parties making their way into the group looking to cause trouble or exploit the information they would learn. It is a shame as I really would like to promote the group and find more men who could use the support.

One Yahoo group member came up with the simple idea of creating business cards advertising the group which would be dropped off at local fertility clinics. It is an idea I have had for years but never acted upon. It is a good idea and I thank the member for suggesting it. I woujdl expand the idea to also drop off the cards with local in/fertilty practitioners and/or therapists who could give the cards to men they meet in their practices who could benefit from the support.

I am looking forward to 2011. I wish you all a happy holiday season and happy New Year !

Thinking of Max - Dynamo Dad

For some reason this evening I began thinking of Max and Vee. As a result I posted on my facebook page a drawing Max used as his profile picture on the above blog. Below that profile picture I stated the following:

"I wanted to say here now that I remember you Max and am proud that I knew you. Your wife and son were lucky to have you."

The thread that followed on facebook included the additional statements I posted:

"I met Max online after my own kids were borne but empathized with his and his wife's journey through infertility. They both blogged about the journey. Max's blog and reactions to it eventually led him to stop posting and when he got sick it was certainly not his focus. His wife Vee is a special lady as she went from the pains of infertility to watching her husband become sick and see that sickness destroy his body but rarely his spirit. They live across the planet from me but I wish I could have visited him before he left this place. I did not always agree with every position he took, nor he of me, but he was someone I will always remember and respect."

"I met Max at a time when I was much more active in the online blogging world discussing... a topic with real world consequences. He was one third of three blogs written by myself and one other friend dealing with donor conception all from a married heterosexuals men's perspective when few men would even think of even acknowledging a connection to the issue. I admired Max's spirit and belief that public recognition was not only needed but proactive conversation was required. Something I truly believed in and encouraged. Max was one of the men who followed me into that discussion."

Again I was thinking of Max today and wanted to let others know it.

Half Sibling Z in NYC

My kids are being picked up from school by their mom along with their half sibling Z and his mom. They are with us, between the two apartments, for the next 5 days. Should be an amusing week.

My kids are very excited to see Z and I am guessing the same for him. How my kids introduce Z at school to any friends will be interesting. They already use the term brother half the time when referring to Z.

More later when I meet up with everyone this evening after work.