During 2009 my children learned they had one more half sibling. We wondered if 2010 would bring any more half siblings into our lives. None showed up. Is that good or bad I cannot say. My kids are lucky to have found two half sibs as many DI / DE kids never find any and always wonder.
Do the children or the parent(s) of DI kids look for half sibs as a replacement for the anonymous donors that are generally lost to their kids? I cannot say. Do we look for these half sibs due to guilt on our parts a parents? Again I cannot say. I wonder though. I certainly am not as keyed into these thoughts as I once was.
My kids are my kids. Now I am more keyed into issues that affect their day to day lives and not so much the larger DI picture. Perhaps that is good. If this issue were in their lives every day how would that affect their thoughts about DI? Would they be so keyed up that it would affect them negatively or positively?
I wish we had a support group like the Donor Conception Network here. But in truth there are local groups that do offer seminars and get togethers with the kids (The Third party Parenting Network and the NYC Gathering) that I should attend with the kids so they have exposure to the issues without deluging them. Perhaps in 2011, once things settle down again I will step back and look for answers. But right now I am still just trying to be a good dad.
A laudible goal - being a good Dad. Hard to know how to let the kids take the lead on the issue, I guess, with such a large range of normal responses.
ReplyDeleteHope 2011 is a good one for you all.
Bea
This is all so interesting and fitting for me right now. I was just on our bank's forums yesterday for the first time and saw that there is a set of boy/girl twins that are a few months younger than my son from the same donor. When we chose our donor there were no reported pregnancies until ours so I'm not sure if there are others out there. I haven't made any contact with the person because I don't think my husband is there yet. I am listed though so it is just a matter of time before I'm sure they contact us.
ReplyDeleteI think mainly I'm curious. I don't look at it as a way to replace the donor. I'm actually quite open to having relationships with the half siblings and no interest in finding the donor.