A member of the DI Dads Yahoo Group is going through a divorce and as part of that proceeding his soon to be ex-wife is asking him to give up his parental rights to their child saying he is only a "paper" dad anyway. I don't pretend to know all of the facts and any divorce is a private matter as to what caused that marriage to end.
In this case this woman is asking her husband to give up being a father arguing he never really was the father anyway because he did not share blood with their child despite the facts, I am assuming, that he was there when the child was born and has been there for every act that has been part of their raising that child. I won't state the child's age as that is not important for this post. But the child knows their father, this DI Dad, and that child's mother is looking to sever that tie legally.
There are certainly issues of identity etc that may be issues for any child conceived via DI but this mother if she were to successfully force the father to give up his rights will further compound these issues by ripping the only father this child has known away from this child.
As for the father my understanding and support is there for him to fight his ex 100% to maintain his legal connection to this child. My greatest fear for him would be if she severs his ties she could then move anywhere she would want and it is possible, as the child is still young, that the child would not remember the only father she has ever known and the father will lose his child and the joy of being a father.
Divorce is messy. But I agree with you that the intention to father was there from the beginning (and before), that these two willfully conceived a child together (albeit in a non-traditional way) and that should stand up in court as much as genetic ties. I suspect that would be the legal position as well, but of course they will have to hash it out between themselves. I'm certainly hoping these two can sort it out without harm to the child.
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Wow, I'm shocked by this. I'll tell you my situation...my husband and I are currently separated, but hoping to work on our marriage. The reason for the separation is my husband has been battling a prescription drug addiction. At the time we decided to us DS he wasn't using, but within 3-4 months after our son was born he started. The last 2 years have been a nightmare, but I've never, ever considered trying to have his parental rights taken away. If he were to relapse again and we were to divorce I would do whatever it took to make sure he only got supervised visitation until he could get his life back under control. He may not be biologically connected to our son, but he is 100% his father. I can't imagine what is so awful that this mother would put her child through something like that.
ReplyDeleteI'm disgusted by this. You can't go through DI and all the anguish that entails for men to come to terms with and then decide well after the fact that his contribution doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteThey only have those kids together because he agreed and supported it along with her, as a couple. She doesn't get to decide who her kids' dad is.
Some people can get very vindictive during a divorce but that is just plain cruel.
When my parents divorced, this same argument was made to my Dad as a way for him to "get out of" paying child support. My dad refused, and the resulting legal battle set the precedent for donor-conceived parental rights during a divorce. I don't know if it's been upheld or not. Now, my Dad's response was "Hell no, those are my kids."
ReplyDeleteWhen the divorce failed to remove our father from our lives, my mom used every psychological ploy she could muster to try to sever the bond. A lot of it was bad-mouthing him, telling friends and family that he "wasn't our real dad" (a phrase which gets under my skin to this day). At the end, she decided to try good, old-fashioned abuse.
It didn't work, obviously, but warn your friend, please.
Ryan - Do you know the name of the case as I am interested in reading it if it a published case in your state? Feel free to write me personally at Eric11714 at yahoo dot com. - Eric
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