This afternoon while watching television with the kids we ended up watching the Steve Martin version of the movie Cheaper by the Dozen. I asked the kids if they wanted 10 brothers and sisters and of course the answer was yes even if that meant 8 kids in my son's room and 4 in his sister's room. The movie is plenty cute and despite the internal squabbles of the kids they all loved each other and as the movie ended they all lived happily ever after.
I realized this evening that my own kids will grow up like both my wife and I did with only one sibling and that will be basically their whole family except for two cousins on side of the family. No we are not even contemplating having more DI kids but the wish the kids had a larger family for support and just normal stuff is appealing.
It's been several months since the kids last physically met "T" their only known half sibling. I wish we all lived closer so that the kids could see her more often. They have not asked about "T" that much lately. I am not pushing them to include her in their thoughts and we let her existence come up naturally if and when the kids ask.
I still check the Donor Sibling Registry periodically to see if more half siblings are out there but as time passes it is less and less likely that there are others or at least if there are that their families will register their existence on the DSR decreasing the likelihood that we will even learn about them.
I believe I have written here that before I learned of my infertility I always wanted four kids. These days for financial reasons alone that is less heard of much less when infertility is encountered. So for now I will continue to live out my desire for a larger family through television while snuggling with the two beautiful kids I have.
I'm alway suprised that I am in a minority - most people I know with donor conceived children are not into making contact or meeting up with half-siblings, but instead want to leave it up to the children as they grow older.
ReplyDeletePerhaps as time goes on, the likelihood of a parent initiated contact drops - and the likelihood of child initiated contact increases?
That is one of my favorite movies: I love how the whole family operates and the love between all of them.
ReplyDeleteWe've always wanted a large family, at least 4 kids, but being that we're having to pay for each one of those kids beyond the normal expenses...who knows if that will happen.
As the other poster said, maybe the there's a sliding scale for interest levels in contacting DI sibs and family.
As near as I can tell, there definitely is a scale that runs from "values only DI half-sibs" to "values only raised family". I've expressed periodic interest in finding donor-half-siblings and donors, as far as I know my brother has never expressed any interest, and my sister actually found her donor's information (just stats, no address, etc.) but never showed any further interest. So, even in my family there's a range.
ReplyDeleteHi Eric,
ReplyDeleteThank you for visiting my blog. I've been a reader of yours for a while, and have found all of your entries and research really helpful and interesting. Thanks for everything you do!
Interesting to hear these thoughts, as always. From commenters, too.
ReplyDeleteBea