Many of the articles regarding donor insemination that I have read by donor conceived individuals include the phrase "I wasn't looking for a dad. I was looking for a donor". Hana Alberts includes just that sentence in an article she has written and is currently published on Forbes.com.
It is a statement that many internet comment posters don't always believe. That is their problem. The article is pretty good and details a bit about the search the writer has gone through. Definitely worth checking out.
Your right Eric, many people do not grasp that concept. I have a dad, but I am searching for my father. I do not need another dad. Many of the other offspring also try and use this terminology, social father = dad, genetic father = father.
ReplyDeleteWhy do we use dad for our social father? Because it has more emotive content.
For most people their dad and father are one and the same making it difficult to differentiate them.
While I get the distinction that DC people are making, the more formal title "Father" has greater cultural and symbolic gravitas than "Dad". I can see how it would sting.
ReplyDeleteHmmph. I have a dad, he's my father. Somewhere, I have a donor. He's not my dad, and he's not my father. I absolutely reject any other terminology, especially any terminology that I feel degrades or undermines the real and strong connection between myself and the man that raised me, genetics be damned.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't respect a man that volunteered to care for a child when hundreds of boys run away from children they accidentally created, then you've got a problem right there.
Ryan, I hope my boy grows up to feel like you. Damian's post suggests that he does not feel like his dad has fulfilled the paternal role (or else he'd have some trouble giving the donor the full title of "father"). Or he could feel a lot like you do, and it could just be a difference in semantics, because if you define the father as the one who provides the sperm, then sure, the donor is the only "father." Whatever you call anyone when speaking about it technically, I want my son to FEEL that I'm his dad and his father, and at the same time I want him to be healthily curious about his donor just as I am. Whatever the donor's motives were, he gave my son the chance to exist, and my wife and me the chance to love our son. Thanks, man!
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