My Position On and Purpose Regarding Donor Conception

no. 310

A few posts below, # 307, I offered congratulations to Mary Cheney and her partner on the news that Mary Cheney is pregnant. Based on that message I have been asked, within the comments to post # 307, what my "true" position is regarding Donor Conception. I was asked this in the context of how I could congratulate a couple who have used DI and also have been "deeply moved" by the stories of donor conceived adults who have felt true pain and sorrow at not knowing the truth of their past. In short I am being asked to explain this "inconsistency" as otherwise I must be a "hypocrite". My response to Michael / BioDad was that I would not continue the discussion left for me there on the topic. I changed my mind.

What I find interesting about this and why I am posting this today is that I don't recall ever stating that I am anti - donor conception. On the contrary I believe I my position has always been that this is an area of personal choice which must be made with as much information as possible including the knowledge that for some donor conceived adults the knowledge of their lost past and connection to their biological parent may bring with it sorrow and/or pain. This may sound like my position is anti-donor conception but in my mind it is not.

My whole point in continuing this blog and my involvement in the DC community is to learn as much as I can in order to be prepared if indeed my children do exhibit any sorrow or feelings of loss so I can help them in any way I can. My purpose is to let them know their story and answer their questions along the way. I don't expect to be defending to them why we used DI but to be there for them as they process the results.

My goals also include educating other parents who have used DI to encourage them to bring their story out in the open with their children as all secrets eventually are discovered and it is far better to open and honest than secretive and ashamed.