Reactions to "He looks just like you!" and other statements.

This one statement has illicited varied emotions over the years. In the beginning it was a source of pain now it's more a source of amusement. People see what they want to see and generally this statement is made as people know parents love this kind of statement - true or not.

Tonight my wife and I were talking and as she occasionally does she referred to the donor as "the other guy". She never says this in front of the kids and then would only say the Donor if we were discussing a topic where "he" comes into the discussion. Generally the term results in no additional reaction. But occasionally, somehow, this term "the other guy" seems to bug me as if it makes the donor more real.

I told my wife that when she says this it makes me feel like she knew him. The emotion it occasionally raises in me is not so much a feeling that she had an affair with "the other man" but it does elevate the donor above what his sole role was (that his genetic material was needed to create our children and that alone).

Our discussion tonight actually involved her discussing who she thought the kids looked like. Our son looks more like her than the picture we have of the donor as a toddler and our daughter we think bears some resemblance to the donor.

So tomorrow in the playground when someone says that one of my kids looks like me, I'll just smile, be amused, and say thank you as I always do.