Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Thinking About Being Non Genetically Connected

The question I saw asked is whether you think about being the non genetic parent and does it get easier. This is not a post promoting donor conception nor is it a post to argue for donor conception as a practice to be stopped.

It's a post to assure those individuals who are parents to donor conceived individuals to be 100% present in that role. You are there now. Loving your kid, whether they are a child or an adult, is not enough. You must guide them, listen to them, validate their feelings and actions. You must be present. To feel you are a true parent is to act as one.

It's different for everyone. I may not be their biological father but they are 100% my children. I don't think of our relationship as being anything other than a full and complete relationship. I have been there from diapers to paying for college. All the ups and downs, fights and hugs. Shared all the milestones. Been there to be told you are not my real dad in a fit of rage and anger. And be called from the emergency room to come and take them home. The definition of being a parent is that it's not easy. You don't sign up for just the bragging moments. You sign up to be 100% in and there as their parent. Did I think about not being "real"? Years ago maybe. I started my blog to document the evolution of this life. Link through and start back in 2005. You will see how it evolves.

So when I saw this meme/question today I wanted to answer it directly. There is no real or fake when you are a parent. If you bring the doubt into the relationship it will always be there. Yes the genetics are a different issue. Those are other discussions. If you are a parent make sure you do the work.

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