Friday, September 21, 2018

What was I expecting? One Mother Tells Her Adult Daughter the Truth.

What was I expecting? Cries of hidden truths? Lies?  Maybe I was. Too often I have heard stories of adults learning they were donor conceived and their resulting sense of betrayal and confusion. I expected that here. 

Spoiler alert. The result here was one of mother and daughter simply crying at sharing something so intently personal and nothing more, at least in so far as the article covers it, about why the secret was kept etc. 

I think this is rare. Not impossible. I still argue for openness from an early age. Worth reading for one more perspective. 



Thursday, September 20, 2018

What woke me up?

With this post I have written this month the same number of posts as the last three calendar years.

Not sure why. But part is a donor conceived teen who is getting curious about her donor.  I never stopped reading posts on Facebook groups and other forums.  Just finding myself wanting to out it out there in my own words again here.


Let me know what you think.

Book Review : Three Makes Baby

I implicitly trust Olivia Montuschi and she posted today a book review I invite couples thinking about donor conception to read. 



https://oliviasview.wordpress.com/2018/09/20/the-book-i-wish-i-had-written-three-makes-baby-how-to-parent-your-donor-conceived-child/

 

 


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Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Sisterly Love



Media Request for a TV show:

"A 1/2 sibling group that has 4-6 Sisters who are close in age - between the ages of 21-35 who are willing to move in together for 3 months to bond as sisters. They may already know each other. Maybe they have met once. Maybe 2 of them are already close. Filming this series would be in essence their job and yes, they do get paid per episode. It would be filmed over 8 weeks and could begin filming in May (however March would be ideal). Ideally the majority of the sisters live in one city, and maybe only 2 have to relocate. These sisters would need to be part of a larger sibling group so that in each episode they are meeting new siblings and are continuing their search for families.  Perhaps they try to start a family business, perhaps they meet their donor dad, perhaps they double date  - but the backbone of the series is their growing bond as sisters. Obviously the women have to be funny, confident and able to carry a show  - not wall flowers."  Please email me your story, addressing the details above.  wendy@donorsiblingregistry.com

My response on seeing this:

Interesting. Like Big Brother without the immunity necklace and no prize to shoot for other than sisterly love. My kids will be watching for sure. I think.

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Note: Above image of Sisterly Love is my own creation and not an official name for the proposed program.

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Lifting the veil of secrecy around donor conception

Article by Joe Hinchliffe

9 September 2018

Sydney Morning Herald

"Imagine you take a DNA test only to discover more than you bargained for.

Perhaps you hoped to have Viking blood, Indigenous heritage, to be a long-lost descendent of royalty or to harbour traces of ancient Neanderthal genes.

But imagine instead you discover the man you've called dad your whole life is not your biological father.

Your biological father is a sperm donor."

Link to full article….

 

https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/health-and-wellness/lifting-the-veil-of-secrecy-around-donor-conception-20180909-p502pg.html

 

 

 

 


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Your Order is On It’s Way

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ICSI can pass on Male Factor Infertility

The following text is from a tweet posted by @Damian_H_Adams

"It is sad that male infertility is often overlooked. Previously it was primarily donor sperm which does nothing to solve his infertility. ICSI does not treat the cause and can potentially pass on male factor infertility to the next generation."




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Truth vs Deception

In the last 15 years I have met a number of individuals conceived under the various systems in the English speaking world. The systems have changed a lot in some of the countries. You hear parents say love trumps all. In truth it does not. But truth gives most individuals a place to start allowing each person the ability to start processing their story without deception or hidden truths. Not having your story or medical info sucks and I can't imagine. But with truth it allows a base to start that is solid for trust to exist.

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Things you learn on social media ....

In the past week to ten days there were a number of stories, events I wanted to blog about.  Just getting to it now.  If Blogger supported an app that would work on my iPhone I would be writing more often.

Instagram feed:  Donor_siblings

Via one of the Facebook groups, I believe the DSR group, there was an article I saw I think in the Washington Post that spoke about a 40 person donor conceived group with an age span of 1 to 21 I believe.  That is insane.  And the donor is  now known to the group members.  I am assuming and their families.  One of the oldest in the group Kianni Arroyo has made it her quest to meet each and every one of her donor siblings across all age groups.  She started an Instagram account donor_siblings to document and share these meetings and photos.  It is very cool and fun to see her siblings interact.

The fact that there are donor conceived groups out there with this many individuals is insane and this is a major factor crying out for regulation.  The age range here also makes me think how many years the donor was visiting clinics or how long was sperm frozen.  So many questions.

An International Conference on Donor Conception in NYC

I learned via the tweets of Geraldine Hewitt that in May 2019 there will be a conference held at New York University.  Per Geraldine it's focus will be aimed at empowering DC people as advocates for themselves.  I indicated I am interested in attending and participating if there was an appropriate forum that I could add anything to.  I was told the focus would not be on "recipients" as they have plenty of forums and support groups already.

I stated in a tweet that "I have two teens. My focus is on their interactions and their perspective.  But if exploring how they or their peers approach the parents that raise them about their needs I believe maybe we all learn.

 

 

Saturday, September 08, 2018

DNA Testing - And so it begins....

I tonight am living up to my promise to my daughter to finally order the 23 and Me DNA kit that her half sibling sister used.  $200.00 for the Health + Ancestry kit.  More than I expected but long term something she wanted.

Thinking I should be doing this kit for my son and the lesser Ancestry kit for her as I read somewhere male genetic markers turn up more info.  You would think after all these years I know the difference.  I may order the other kit tomorrow.  Will pose the question on one of the Facebook groups tonight or tomorrow.

Can't believe we are finally here at this point.  Little nervous for her.  Them.  Little nervous for me.


Monday, September 03, 2018

Teenagers ....

In  my day we always let our parents know where we are under pain of death for not letting them know we were alive.  Mine seem to like driving me mad with worry.  There are moments where I occasionally think they do it on purpose.

I love them to death but I am getting pissed. 

Friday, November 24, 2017

Watching Generation Cryo

my 13 year old daughter is as I type this watching the first episode of Generation Cryo the five part documentary that aired on MTV co produced by the DSR. 

So this week Z (13 years old) had been in contact with M (14 years old) her only known female half sibling who lives in MD. Both are interested in searching for their donor. I have also been texting with M's mom re what is going on. I have also text with N's mom out in CO. N (15 years old) is the only know male half sibling. He is excited as well and has always wanted a dad.  Both M and N are in single mom households. 

For the record, J, my 15 year old son, does not care and has even said he thinks we should respect the donor's privacy and not search for him. 

Z this morning asked if I was upset that I do not have any biological children.  I told her in the beginning I was upset but that was 9 years before she was born. By the time she was born I had accepted this fact. I told her we tried using IVF with ICSI using my sperm but no baby resulted. Embryos yes but which did not take. 

I told her from the moment I saw her she was my daughter and the only daughter I could ever imagine or want. So no I am not upset this is my kid. Blood or not. 

As I said she is watching episode one we will see what questions result from it.