Sunday, December 29, 2019

Fears, Failure, Faith

Chanukkah 2019


This year, the last few years actually, we have seen an increase in bigotry and hatred in this country. In the last week there have been several antisemitic acts or attacks just in the NYC area. 


My children were each raised in my faith, Judaism, but between the divorce, their own issues, etc their connection to my faith, the faith of their donor, has drifted away. 


This year I lit the candles but for one night that their half sibling brother was in the apartment where he happily lit the candles even though he was not strictly raised in this faith. 


There are many fears that dads to donor insemination kids hold. Failure at being a dad teaching dad things is one of them. This is not strictly a DI related issue. But it's part of me and something I had hoped to pass on to my children, a love for the faith I grew up in and something that very much defines who I am as an individual.


This year it is more important that Jews don't disappear out of fear. We need to stand up and say here we are. Hate and bigotry have no space and must be confronted. The Chanukkah candles are more than a celebration of a miracle that happened in Israel long ago. They are an affirmation that what is right must be stood up for.


But here I am today feeling that I failed as a father, as a dad. My kids have a lot going on as we all do.  Religion brings us a faith to cling to. What I generally take from this season is that all people share a common love for principles of goodness. Put aside the commercialism. 


As a dad I try to be there. As a dad to donor insemination kids I try to parent by example and to guide them along the way. Tonight I am sad in that something this year was lost. Maybe not forever but as a parent that is how I feel tonight.  


Ramblings. 


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Female Sperm Donor?

I will read this but I believe the Trans Man was born a woman. His non binary partner was born a woman. The female sperm donor was born a man I am betting.

Ok the article does not confirm my bet. Must be though. Very confusing. As long as the kid can grow up well adjusted and make its own decisions. The whole let the kid decide stuff I disagree with on some levels I must admit. But not debating any of that here.

Saturday, December 28, 2019

Not a Creature Was Stirring ..

Ok, it's no longer Christmas but it was the 6th night of Chanukkah and I gave three teenagers in my apt, my two plus their half sibling brother N.

As usual Z and J are fighting, amazingly i got all three to go the market with my cash as I have a broken ankle.

N flew in before Christmas and the trio have been at my ex-wife's apartment until yesterday. Z took N around Manhattan a bit. A mix of tourist spots and some teenage vintage wear shopping.

Three kids and a crutch bearing adult in a small apt is a bit too tight for five nights but we will make it work. N did light the menorah for Chanukkah upon my request. My two were disinterested or currently mad at me. I think he enjoyed doing so.

I am up early because I am and my ankle prevented any worthwhile sleep for any tangible amount of time. Wearing a two pound medical boot 24/7 is not helping.

More updates to come. I am hoping to get the annual hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil photo of these three but am thinking that is now at the long shot to not happening stage.

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