Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Divorce, Separation, Donor Conception, and Me

Over the years I have written this blog I have read plenty of articles dealing with divorce, separation and donor conception. Most of the cases that make the headlines have dealt with lesbian and gay couples and few regarding straight families and the effects of such decisions. I never expected it to be a personal issue. It now is.

My wife and I have separated and are still dealing with the legal side of things. The day to day stuff we are already addressing as I now live in a separate apartment and the kids are already going back and forth depending on the days who has whom. It is still early so it is unclear as to how they are adjusting. To be honest I am still unsure how I am adjusting to not being with the kids every night.

For the most part we will move forward as any family does in this situation. Our one donor conception related issue we have open is the disposition of the remaining vials we still own and are in storage at the cryobank we purchased them from. Other than that we are in agreement as to disclosure as the kids already know and we will address their issues as a family as they get older and ask more questions.

Both moms of their two known half siblings are aware of the situation and have been great about it. To be honest we told each of them when they were all in NYC this past December. In that department I should state that my kids with their mom are headed to Colorado next week for Winter break to share their vacation with Z the little boy that is their half sib that lives out there.

So if I occasionally now discuss the effects of life as a separated dad to donor insemination kids please indulge me.

15 comments:

Ryan said...

Now your situation is more like my parent's, and your kid's more like mine.

I was older when my parents divorced, and there was definite abuse going on in our household, but I can try to provide what I remember of a kid's perspective if you need it.

I'm sorry this is going on, Eric.

Vee said...

I am sorry to hear this Eric. Take care.

annacyclopedia said...

I'm so sorry to hear this news and will be sending you all good thoughts for peace, healing, and an easy transition.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Eric, I'm so sorry to hear this. When I saw the title I gasped...I'm the mother of a 23 month old little who was conceived via donor sperm and my husband and I have just seperated. Since my son is so young he really has no clue about any of the deep conception stuff. Not living with his dad full time at such a young age has me very worried about their bonding as well as how a divorce will shape his feelings about his conception and us. There aren't a lot of resources for that sort of stuff. Geesh, and I didn't even think about the vials we have left.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

If you have any resources or words of wisdom I would love to hear them
somewhatordinary at gmail dot com

damianhadams said...

Good luck with the future Eric.
It is always sad when families break up.
Best wishes.

Bea said...

Oh, the vials of semen. An already tricky decision, made all the trickier. I can only hope you find a good way to navigate forwards with all of it.

Bea

Ryan said...

I wanna know how this blog became the target of Chinese spammers trying to peddle their 山寨的大便。

Infnetwk said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this change in your life, & the huge loss of not being with your kids as much as you have been used to. You are an absolutely wonderful dad -- 1 of most devoted & caring I know. I hope you are able to find some measure of inner peace again soon & put your life back together.

whosedaughter said...

Eric-
I just wanted to send you my best - I am so sorry to hear this, it must be incredibly hard. You are obviously an AMAZING dad and just hope all of THIS did not play a roll in your situation. Thank you for all you do/have done to raise awareness on these issues.
-Karen

Rachel Inbar said...

I'm terribly sad to hear your news. Your sense of shock seems to come through the keyboard... I hope once the shock wears off, you'll be able to see the advantages in the new situation (there usually are some).

Wishing you all the best! May all the legal issues go smoothly and as quickly as possible. And may you continue to co-parent so that your children will have all the advantages of parents who support each other.

Betsy said...

I'm so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. Like some of the other posters have said, you are a great dad and I'm sure you are making this transition as easy as possible on your kids. Thinking of you.

Gil said...

I am so very sorry to hear the news about this latest development in your life Eric. It's always something that we're having to deal with isn't it? Thinking about you and your family as you find your way through these tough times. Hang in there. Lots of us are keeping you in our thoughts.

Mark Lyndon said...

Sorry to hear the news. I hope everyone can keep things amicable.

Hang in there.

陽明山花季 said...

IT IS A VERY NICE SUGGESTION, THANK YOU LOTS! ........................................

DI_Dad said...

Thanks everybody. Your thoughts and wishes all mean a lot to me. - Eric