Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Emerging Donors – A DI Dads Dilemma

no. 336

Sperm Donor Father [CCB 150] Ends His Anonymity
NY Times
Amy Harmon
February 14, 2007

Hello, I’m Your Sister. Our Father is Donor 150
NY Times
Amy Harmon
November 20, 2005

The November 20, 2005 article was one of the first within Ms. Harmon’s series that graced the cover of the NY Times bringing the issues surrounding DI to the forefront of water cooler discussions in the past 18 months. Seeing today’s article bring some resolution to the identity issue for the donor conceived teenagers and young adults in the piece was nice to see, read, and feel a part of.

As a DI dad initial reactions are a curious thing. You are happy for these kids but then you wonder will my own kids have such a desire to meet / find their bio father? How will I feel when it’s a real man across the park they are walking towards? Long term it’s certainly a good thing from their perspective but it also makes you take stock of yourself and the reminder that your emotional reactions / needs must come second to theirs.

Not all DI dads will take this approach. Certainly most heterosexual couples still have not told their kids of their origins and that’s their decision. My kids know and will continue to be told their story so how will I feel when it’s their turn we’ll have to wait and see how life develops for them and for me.

4 comments:

Ryan said...

I was raised with the knowledge that I was conceived via artificial insemination. My father and I have had some sit-down-and-chat talks about it, as well as some more serious talks about the idea of finding my donor.

I've explained to my Dad that HE is my father, no matter what, and that my desire to track down my donor is motivated more by curiosity than anything else. I don't know how he might be feeling inside, but on the outside he's been nothing but supportive. He even helped me track down the clinic that the procedure was done at.

That's my two-paragraph introduction. I'm bookmarking your blog and I will be back to study it more in-depth.

DI_Dad said...

Ryan -

Thanks for the comment and I look forward to future comments.

May I ask approximately how old you are and in what country you live? I ask for a couple of reasons. I have spoken to few US donor conceived children / adults but most are of an older age. Most of the young adults into their 30's that I know are are outside the US where the process has been vastly different leading to different experiences for these individuals.

Would your father be interested in joining the DI Dads yahoo group to offer his views to other dads or men thinking about DI?

Sorry for so many questions.

Eric

Ryan said...

It's not a problem, Eric. I myself am pretty quizzical when it comes to other members of the "AI Crowd".

To answer: I'm 27, and I have always lived in the United States.
My Dad doesn't have a computer currently, and I'm not sure that he could even get internet access at the farm where he lives. If he had both a computer and internet access, I would have to either set his computer to go to the Yahoo group from the desktop or walk him through the process every time he logged in. I love my Dad, but him and computers are an unfavorable combination.

I have a perception that I'm hoping you can help me with. In the short period of time that I've been observing the communities of donor-conceived children (most of whom are older than me) I have been confronted with seemingly-universal bitterness and hate, have you observed that?

-Ryan

Ryan said...

As an update:

I finally contacted the clinic that performed the insemination on my mother, and spoke with the doctor that performed the procedure.

He expressed sympathy, but says the records from that time have been lost. If he's lying to me, it's because he wants me to get my mom to make the request. If he's being truthful, that would aggravate me, as I view that to be negligent at best.

He did suggest I check with Fairfax, in Virginia, but I've always been led to believe that I was not a frozen sample.

For now, my search for my donor is at a standstill until I decide how to procede.