Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Listening to DI and DE Moms: NYC Gathering

Last night I attended an installment of the NYC Gathering's dinner get-togethers here in Manhattan. The group organized by Sara Axel of the blog "Our Story Begins at Home" usually is attended by women who either used donor eggs, donor sperm, or both conceiving their children. I was the only dad in the room.

Last night the dinner had Wendy and Ryan Kramer as special guests. Both had been in town for an SMC event held in Brooklyn this past weekend. The featured topic discussed by Wendy and Ryan was "Who's Your Mommy? Should they tell their twins they came from donor eggs?".

The identity issue is wholly mixed together with the disclosure issue so both topics were discussed and brought up by the roughly ten women in attendance. I sat at the far end of the table as I have a bad cold plus I had the kids with me as the dinner was immediately after their school extended day pickup. I also heard the common theme that some of the husbands did not want the kids to know their conception stories more it seemed to their discomfort than the interests of the kids.

The moms in discussing the "Who's your mommy?" questioned the differences in connections to the donor when the mom carried the fertilized eggs producing their children. The fears of feeling less of a natural parent. Overall an interesting evening and I was sorry I felt like garbage and that I had to leave early.

1 comment:

LR said...

Hi there,
I'm 37 yrs old, single, hetero and have been seriously considering AI to become a single mother. However, after reading some of these posts/blogs by DI children, I am very sad and struck by the negative reactions. Of course, I don't expect the road/life of a DI child to be perfect, but it has certainly made me stop and think far beyond the thinking/preparation I have been doing for the 3+ years. I am a clinical social worker and have worked with adults exploring the many emotions surrounding their own adoption for years.
Are there any happy DI children out there? Is this just considered a selfish act by women?
I just don't want to do anything that I perceive as positive (of course, knowing it won't always be positive) if that's not what a DI child would consider.