Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Where I Am At Today

Almost 15 years ago I started [this] blog talking about my Life as Dad to #DonorInsemination Kids, and along the way, pretty early on, after speaking at a conference in Toronto, I learned my focus should not be on me as the parent but on my kids and supporting them. 

At the time in 2005 there were far fewer venues for anyone to discuss these topics.  The blogs that existed were generally #infertility focused and written by women looking to become moms. #Donorconception related blogs written by men were almost non existent. A few of us were out there but we were the exception.

What I learned about my role as a parent was to prepare my kids to help them discover know who they are and give them the tools to hopefully process their story. To allow them to figure it all out hopefully with minimal pain and anguish if any. Along the way we discovered a mere three #donorsiblings they have gotten to know. I found along the way the best way to learn is to reach out to the donor conceived individuals I have met to ask what they think, the issues and concerns they have in addition to speaking to other parents like me.

I enjoy meeting and speaking with parents as we all have so much to learn. Along the way I started with others a DI Dads group where I get to speak to other dads and potential dads. I try not to preach but to listen and discuss and counsel best I can.

But today the forefront of discussion starts with the #donorconceived community of individuals out there and taking my cue as a parent often from them. Listening, reading, hearing their words, their stories, whether it’s joy of meeting another sibling, or finding their donor, or perhaps the pain of learning a long kept secret, where they felt alone and lost, of their longings and need for info.

I still occasionally post to my blog as I continue to be dad and I smile seeing each new individual find the bravery inside to find this or any medium to reach out to others, parents or DCP, to take down any veil that still exists over this topic.

[note: this text was posted earlier today to my personal Instagram account upon seeing a request from the account PursuingFatherhood who was looking for additional accounts related to DC that others could follow.]

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