I have to admit lately I've been seeing another blog.....or rather writing one.
No she's not another donor conception blog. In fact "she" / it is totally unrelated to donor conception. I decided I needed another venue where I also could be more creative. Not creative like Vee or Max but more along the lines of creating a footprint in the community I live in. It's sort of a travelogue / what's going on here and there type of blog.
It has allowed me to play as opposed to thinking about all this stuff all the time when I am sitting in front of the keyboard. I am not the only blog in my little "town" but I have a niche. The only problem is now I need to catch up on my Harry Potter reading.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Irish Case of Sperm Donor vs Lesbian Couple
no. 408
First off let's state a few facts as I gleaned them from the various articles about this case. In short this is not a simple case involving an anonymous sperm donor or even a ID-release donor. This is case stemming from a known donor who was involved from the beginning.
The sperm donor was known to the couple and there was a contract between the parties laying out the expectations of the parties even going so far as stating that if the bio mom were to die the sperm donor would have some parental rights as to how the child would be raised. The contract even specified visitation rights. The lawsuits appear to have began after the women began to cut down or stop allowing the sperm donor the right to see the child and after the lesbian couple announced plans for protracted travel out of Ireland with the possibiilty of emigration to Australia.
The court made references to the best interests of the child and that the first years are critical to the development of a bond between "father and son". In this case from what I see this donor was acknlowledged as both father and dad as to both his existence and to his ability to interact with the child. This is not a case where the donor anonymously gave up his sperm to a clinic only to recant his decision and want interaction. This man had that interaction and was the father (beyond the obvious biological connection). Yes he rarely saw the child based on the visitation rights agreed to but all parties acknowledge his connection and right to it in some form.
In my mind this case while involving the use of donor insemination to create this child is nothing more than a custody case between parents. It should only be precedential to similiar fact patterns. I respectfuly disagree with any parties that argue that this case is a precedent that sperm donors are something more than a father biologicaly, defined in its narrowest sense, where these facts don't exist.
Irish Independent Journal, UTV Ireland, UK TimesOnline, USA Today, UK Daily Mail, UK Scotsman
First off let's state a few facts as I gleaned them from the various articles about this case. In short this is not a simple case involving an anonymous sperm donor or even a ID-release donor. This is case stemming from a known donor who was involved from the beginning.
The sperm donor was known to the couple and there was a contract between the parties laying out the expectations of the parties even going so far as stating that if the bio mom were to die the sperm donor would have some parental rights as to how the child would be raised. The contract even specified visitation rights. The lawsuits appear to have began after the women began to cut down or stop allowing the sperm donor the right to see the child and after the lesbian couple announced plans for protracted travel out of Ireland with the possibiilty of emigration to Australia.
The court made references to the best interests of the child and that the first years are critical to the development of a bond between "father and son". In this case from what I see this donor was acknlowledged as both father and dad as to both his existence and to his ability to interact with the child. This is not a case where the donor anonymously gave up his sperm to a clinic only to recant his decision and want interaction. This man had that interaction and was the father (beyond the obvious biological connection). Yes he rarely saw the child based on the visitation rights agreed to but all parties acknowledge his connection and right to it in some form.
In my mind this case while involving the use of donor insemination to create this child is nothing more than a custody case between parents. It should only be precedential to similiar fact patterns. I respectfuly disagree with any parties that argue that this case is a precedent that sperm donors are something more than a father biologicaly, defined in its narrowest sense, where these facts don't exist.
Irish Independent Journal, UTV Ireland, UK TimesOnline, USA Today, UK Daily Mail, UK Scotsman
Saturday, July 14, 2007
NY Times : "Your Gamete, Myself" - Donor Egg Stories
no. 407
"Your Gametes, Myself"
Peggy Orenstein
NY TImes Magazine
July 15, 2007
I just found out about this article and plan to read it tonight and add my comments later.
Peggy Orenstein
NY TImes Magazine
July 15, 2007
I just found out about this article and plan to read it tonight and add my comments later.
The article can be linked to through this blog's post title.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Canada Supreme Court: Live In Husband = Dad
no. 406
Supreme Court won't hear 'single mother by choice' case
Common-law wife sought sole legal responsibility for child from sperm donor
Janice Tibbetts, CanWest News Service
Published: Friday, July 13, 2007
© The
Excerpts:
“
A three-judge panel, by convention, did not give reasons for refusing to grant leave to appeal in the closely watched case of Jane Doe, which has raised questions about parental freedoms when stacked against the rights of the child.
Jane Doe, described in court documents as a
The couple agreed to write a contract clearing John Doe of any legal responsibility but, before signing the deal, they decided to go to court to see if it was legally sound under
….
“The Supreme Court's decision Thursday to reject the case effectively upholds a ruling last winter in the Alberta Court of Appeal.
The
….
“The Doe case has spawned numerous opinion articles in newspapers, some of which condemned the
Andrea Mrozek, a spokeswoman for the Ottawa-based
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Thursday, July 12, 2007
A Donor Egg Story - When No Woman is Mother
no. 405
The Nation's Pulse
Motherless in
By James M. Thunder
Published 7/11/2007 12:07:52 AM
I came upon the American Spectator op-ed column yesterday listed above and linked to HERE that examined the Maryland court case In re Roberto d.B. I don't usually read what I refer to as political magazines but when I saw this column, via Google, I was intrigued as I had read about the case earlier this year and posted a link to a news story, see here for that post, but I had not seen much in the way of op-ed pieces about it.
In short the case involves a man who made arrangements for an egg donor to donate to him eggs for the obvious purpose of inseminating them and having a surrogate carry the embryos to term. After the delivery of the resulting twin girls the hospital and state listed the surrogate as the mother. The man, who is listed as the father petitioned the courts to have the surrogate's name removed from the birth certificates and won.
The article made me wonder about situations when gay men arrange for donor egg and surrogates to carry the resulting embryos. How are those birth certificates filed? Who is generally listed as the mother? The egg donor or the surrogate?
Again I am unsure if I agree with all of the writers views but it was an interesting article to read and struck a chord in me regarding the rights of the children born and I wondered how they will react as they grow up with no mother at all listed on their birth certificates.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
ABC Primetime Donor Insemination Story - My Reactions
no. 404
"The Name Behind the Number
Child of a Sperm Donor Starts a Web Site to Find His Secret Family"
Below are copies of the two comments I left on the ABC Primetime site in response to the program I watched earlier this evening. Comment One may sound a bit like "what about me" and that was not my intent. I read an email on the Yahoo DI Dads group that ran along similiar lines and and received another from another member which were in line with my own reactions so I wrote it as it came out of my brain. It is what it is.
Comment Two:
On a different note I want to say again congratulations to the Kramers, the DSR and all the donor conceived families that appeared on this program. Like many others as a result of the DSR my own two children now have a half sibling found via the DSR and the relationship that will grown over the years will always be precious to them and for that we thank Ryan and Wendy. Regards.
Comment One:
While I was happy to see Ryan and Anna meet as well as the other three donor kids meet I must admit a good part of the segment left me with a slightly sour taste in my mouth. I am a father to two children conceived by donor insemination. No I am not their donor I am their dad. Constantly through out the piece the reporter indicated that the donor conceived individuals were searching for their fathers as opposed to their donors. Yes I understand that the donors biologically are indeed these individual's fathers and there is strong need for the individuals to connect to who they came from. I know this stuff and understand it as I write and blog about it pretty much every day for the last two years.
What I am referring to is the media's continuing goal to sensationalize this very serious topic. The constant photos of Donor 150, I apologize as I have forgotten his name, as a young man posing as a male model were unneeded. There was nothing in the piece to acknowledge that Anna's dad is raising this young woman and perhaps put aside his own feelings for the benefit of his daughter yet the piece keeps referring to the donor fathers without addressing the other men who might be out there.
Again I write about this stuff each day on my blog. I am also writing as I moderate a discussion group of social fathers, DI Dads, where the reactions to this piece were pretty much along these lines. Anyone that knows me knows the needs of the children and donor conceived adults should come first and for many they will continue to search for their "fathers" as that is their desire and the terminalogy they use but here in this piece the term aws thrown around so much by the narrating reporter that it is no wonder so many heterosexual couples that use DI continue to conceal their use of DI. If you want to help bring DI out into the open and remove stigmas and work towards reform you have to address all members of the donor conception community.
"The Name Behind the Number
Child of a Sperm Donor Starts a Web Site to Find His Secret Family"
Below are copies of the two comments I left on the ABC Primetime site in response to the program I watched earlier this evening. Comment One may sound a bit like "what about me" and that was not my intent. I read an email on the Yahoo DI Dads group that ran along similiar lines and and received another from another member which were in line with my own reactions so I wrote it as it came out of my brain. It is what it is.
Comment Two:
On a different note I want to say again congratulations to the Kramers, the DSR and all the donor conceived families that appeared on this program. Like many others as a result of the DSR my own two children now have a half sibling found via the DSR and the relationship that will grown over the years will always be precious to them and for that we thank Ryan and Wendy. Regards.
Comment One:
While I was happy to see Ryan and Anna meet as well as the other three donor kids meet I must admit a good part of the segment left me with a slightly sour taste in my mouth. I am a father to two children conceived by donor insemination. No I am not their donor I am their dad. Constantly through out the piece the reporter indicated that the donor conceived individuals were searching for their fathers as opposed to their donors. Yes I understand that the donors biologically are indeed these individual's fathers and there is strong need for the individuals to connect to who they came from. I know this stuff and understand it as I write and blog about it pretty much every day for the last two years.
What I am referring to is the media's continuing goal to sensationalize this very serious topic. The constant photos of Donor 150, I apologize as I have forgotten his name, as a young man posing as a male model were unneeded. There was nothing in the piece to acknowledge that Anna's dad is raising this young woman and perhaps put aside his own feelings for the benefit of his daughter yet the piece keeps referring to the donor fathers without addressing the other men who might be out there.
Again I write about this stuff each day on my blog. I am also writing as I moderate a discussion group of social fathers, DI Dads, where the reactions to this piece were pretty much along these lines. Anyone that knows me knows the needs of the children and donor conceived adults should come first and for many they will continue to search for their "fathers" as that is their desire and the terminalogy they use but here in this piece the term aws thrown around so much by the narrating reporter that it is no wonder so many heterosexual couples that use DI continue to conceal their use of DI. If you want to help bring DI out into the open and remove stigmas and work towards reform you have to address all members of the donor conception community.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
A New Donor Conception Blog from ... the Donor Sibling Registry
no. 403
Until this week the Donor Sibling Registry had three main avenues to engage its membership and the public:
(1) the central DSR website which among other pages included the Registry itself,
(2) the DSR yahoo discussion group for matters involving but not limited to direct sibling and/or donor searches, and
(3) the DSR_Discussion yahoo group for more general DI / DE discussion.
Now a fourth venue has been added: The DSR Blog !
In Wendy Kramer's own words the creation of this blog allows her to create and maintain a "a central DSR area for updates, i.e. upcoming news, policy, DSR logistics, comments on media and the industry, etc.".
So for those of that subscribe to Blogarithm or any other blog tracking service I suggest you add the DSR Blog to your schedule for donor conception related topics.
ABC Primetime 07/10/07 DSR Story On-Line
no. 402
Tonight's segment on Primetime regarding the Donor Sibling Registry already exists online as a print article and can be linked to HERE.
I have not read it yet but will do so later today and post the text to the Annex when I am able.
Monday, July 09, 2007
TV Note: Ryan Kramer of DSR to Meet Half Sibling (Tuesday July 10, 2007)
no. 401
Tomorrow night on Primetime Live [2007 July 10, ABC, 10:00 pm EST] Ryan Kramer who founded the Donor Sibling Registry, with his mother Wendy Kramer, will himself be the focus of one story.
While the DSR has resulted in approximately 3500 matches between half siblings and/or genetic donors this TV story captures on film Ryan's first meeting with his own half sibling Anna. The story segment will also focus on another DSR match (donor and children) connecting in California.
The story of how Anna found Ryan has previously been written about by Wendy Kramer in the May 2007 AFA newsletter and can be linked to HERE in this blog's Annex.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
The Sperm Donor's Spoken Words Soon to be Written
no. 400
I have been meaning to have the CD Rom recording of the donor's words transcribed for some time now. I had the recording copied onto a micro-cassette tape so that a professional using a tape player made for such a purpopse could easily stop and start the recording. I sent it out earlier this week and am awaiting an e-mail with a full transcription.
I figured having the donor's words on paper would be important if something happened to the CD copies we have or for some reason technology changes and future devices would not play CDs as we know it.
As soon as I receive the transcription I plan on sending a copy down to T's mom so they have it also in their records for T's benefit.
-------
On an administrative note I can't believe this is my 400th post to this blog. I started in Aug 2005 and am soon to hit my two year anniversary this Summer. Pretty wild.
My wife and I again discussed my involvement in this blog and the yahoo group. We talked how she hardly ever thinks about this stuff while I unnaturally think about it too much due to these venues. I'd be curious to see if a psychotherapist would think all this writing is a bad or good thing.
I have been meaning to have the CD Rom recording of the donor's words transcribed for some time now. I had the recording copied onto a micro-cassette tape so that a professional using a tape player made for such a purpopse could easily stop and start the recording. I sent it out earlier this week and am awaiting an e-mail with a full transcription.
I figured having the donor's words on paper would be important if something happened to the CD copies we have or for some reason technology changes and future devices would not play CDs as we know it.
As soon as I receive the transcription I plan on sending a copy down to T's mom so they have it also in their records for T's benefit.
-------
On an administrative note I can't believe this is my 400th post to this blog. I started in Aug 2005 and am soon to hit my two year anniversary this Summer. Pretty wild.
My wife and I again discussed my involvement in this blog and the yahoo group. We talked how she hardly ever thinks about this stuff while I unnaturally think about it too much due to these venues. I'd be curious to see if a psychotherapist would think all this writing is a bad or good thing.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Book Update: DI as Sad Fiction
no. 399 Beginning of Sorrows
by Nancy Merical
"The Beginning of Sorrows: Were these disturbing words, echoing in Jamaliel's nightmare, induced by hormonal changes during pregnancy or prophetic of the future? Conceived through donor insemination, Jamaliel's son, Kenny, at the age of sixteen, discovers a document that causes him to believe he is adopted. Escaping from his estranged father, he finds his situation more chaotic. A mysterious letter hints that his fiancée is actually his sister, and the man verified as his biological father refuses to accept him as his son. When questions arise about the donor's actual identity. Kenny wonders: Will peace ever be mine?"
OK, this sounds incredibly depressing. First off to my knowledge the title is actually a phrase associated with the "end of days" prophecies in the New Testament. That can't be a coincidence considering the depressing tone of this synopsis.
If this doesn't sound like a great argument for early disclosure I don't know what is.
Product Details
ISBN: 0741438941
ISBN: 0741438941
"She's My Half-Sibling"
no. 398
This morning my son asked to watch the video of he and his sister with T. Has it been 11 months since the only trip we met T and her mom already? I asked who T is to him and he said "she's my half-sibling". No prompting. There was no discussion using that term in the past weeks that I can think of. He just knew.
I then asked him what do he, his sister, and T all share. He said they have a common "onor". [Of course I heard "owner".] I corrected him by stating "donor". He just giggled and repeated "donor".
We try not to let them watch video or too much TV in the morning but this DVD will always be an exception. Which when they get into a pattern of wanting any video can be a problem as they know it.
This morning my son asked to watch the video of he and his sister with T. Has it been 11 months since the only trip we met T and her mom already? I asked who T is to him and he said "she's my half-sibling". No prompting. There was no discussion using that term in the past weeks that I can think of. He just knew.
I then asked him what do he, his sister, and T all share. He said they have a common "onor". [Of course I heard "owner".] I corrected him by stating "donor". He just giggled and repeated "donor".
We try not to let them watch video or too much TV in the morning but this DVD will always be an exception. Which when they get into a pattern of wanting any video can be a problem as they know it.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Donor Does Not Equal Daddy T-Shirt
no. 397
Donor Conceived over at Whose Daughter? (who for some reason I have in my head as previously going by Buffalo Girl) has posted the above T-Shirt design in response to the "My Daddy's Name is Donor" t-shirt that can be seen for sale around the web.
Despite the veracity of the statement made on the shirt she is suggesting it is interesting to see, even after all this time, the immediate feelings it can stir up in me. Envy is an interestng emotion. As I stated in my Father's Day post I don't believe I am threatened any longer by the donor (am I backtracking already?) but the underlying fact of the t-shirt's statement still has some sting. Granted it is not the shirt's intent but still there it is.
Donor Conceived over at Whose Daughter? (who for some reason I have in my head as previously going by Buffalo Girl) has posted the above T-Shirt design in response to the "My Daddy's Name is Donor" t-shirt that can be seen for sale around the web.
Despite the veracity of the statement made on the shirt she is suggesting it is interesting to see, even after all this time, the immediate feelings it can stir up in me. Envy is an interestng emotion. As I stated in my Father's Day post I don't believe I am threatened any longer by the donor (am I backtracking already?) but the underlying fact of the t-shirt's statement still has some sting. Granted it is not the shirt's intent but still there it is.
Friday, June 29, 2007
One Line Updates re Donor Conception
no. 396
I am taking a cue from Brett over at DadTalk and posting one or two line updates on various fronts as I have been unable to sit down an write due to work and sheer exhaustion:
(1) My Father's Day post was picked up by the Donor Conception Network and posted under their Articles section.
(2) I was part of a panel of active egg donors and egg donor recipients at the last meeting of an Ovum Donor seminar series held here in NYC that was sponsored by the AFA. OK, seems out of place since I am obviously DI related but the session included a focus on disclosure and issues surrounding choosing donors etc.
(3) Over at Stirrup Queens I was honored by someone via the Secret Ode of the Day (1) with some very kind words about my blog and efforts. I was very touched. I must say, that Stirrup Queens is an amazing site and the amount of work that Mel puts into it is unreal. What started as a blog is truly a true community which various virtual events and support opportunities going on all the time.
(4) The Second Infertility Film Festival is due to be premiered on July 28 so all aspiring film makers have less than a month to put their entries together, pot them to YouTube or wherever and send the links to Bea. Another blogger who has gone way beyond her own keyboard, Infertile Fantasies, and built a community via her Festival and own writings and the support she constantly shows others.
(5) I discovered today a newly minted male written fertility blog, written from the average joe point of view. It is quite hystertical. Definitely worth checking out and watching as it will definitely make anyone male or female smile. It is called "The Adventures of (In)Fertile Frank".
I am taking a cue from Brett over at DadTalk and posting one or two line updates on various fronts as I have been unable to sit down an write due to work and sheer exhaustion:
(1) My Father's Day post was picked up by the Donor Conception Network and posted under their Articles section.
(2) I was part of a panel of active egg donors and egg donor recipients at the last meeting of an Ovum Donor seminar series held here in NYC that was sponsored by the AFA. OK, seems out of place since I am obviously DI related but the session included a focus on disclosure and issues surrounding choosing donors etc.
(3) Over at Stirrup Queens I was honored by someone via the Secret Ode of the Day (1) with some very kind words about my blog and efforts. I was very touched. I must say, that Stirrup Queens is an amazing site and the amount of work that Mel puts into it is unreal. What started as a blog is truly a true community which various virtual events and support opportunities going on all the time.
(4) The Second Infertility Film Festival is due to be premiered on July 28 so all aspiring film makers have less than a month to put their entries together, pot them to YouTube or wherever and send the links to Bea. Another blogger who has gone way beyond her own keyboard, Infertile Fantasies, and built a community via her Festival and own writings and the support she constantly shows others.
(5) I discovered today a newly minted male written fertility blog, written from the average joe point of view. It is quite hystertical. Definitely worth checking out and watching as it will definitely make anyone male or female smile. It is called "The Adventures of (In)Fertile Frank".
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
“On The Lot” Reality TV: Sperm Bank Robbery Film Short
no. 395
The following may be more amusing to a Choice Mom than me but the reality TV show “On the Lot” included an entry on their 6/26 episode where a single woman and her mother robbed a sperm bank at gunpoint forcible withdrawing a fresh deposit. The video can be linked to here. The short was titled “Under the Gun” and was written and directed by contestant Hillary Graham.
I had to laugh at the “bank lobby” scene where the men were all sitting around waiting to be called to make a deposit. I immediately recalled my own experience waiting to go into the “collection” room with the hope of actually giving a sample where they would find any usable sperm (my diagnosis you may recall is non-obstructive azoospermia). Anyhow I had to laugh as I pictured these same women trying to attempt the same robbery from a room of infertile men. Sorry, wrong room ladies the fertile waiting room is next door.
The following may be more amusing to a Choice Mom than me but the reality TV show “On the Lot” included an entry on their 6/26 episode where a single woman and her mother robbed a sperm bank at gunpoint forcible withdrawing a fresh deposit. The video can be linked to here. The short was titled “Under the Gun” and was written and directed by contestant Hillary Graham.I had to laugh at the “bank lobby” scene where the men were all sitting around waiting to be called to make a deposit. I immediately recalled my own experience waiting to go into the “collection” room with the hope of actually giving a sample where they would find any usable sperm (my diagnosis you may recall is non-obstructive azoospermia). Anyhow I had to laugh as I pictured these same women trying to attempt the same robbery from a room of infertile men. Sorry, wrong room ladies the fertile waiting room is next door.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Bio Mom to DI Dad: "I Did Not Sign Up For This"
no. 394
The other night I called my wife over to the computer and asked her to watch a webisode of this 5 minute comedy per day called "Where are the Joneses?" Besides her dumbstruck reaction to the content of this very strange donor sibling search psuedo-comedy she quickly stated that I am nuts and she "did not sign up for all this".
By this she means my continuing involvement in ongoing DI issues and the occassional absurdity (i.e. the aforementioned web based video sitcom) that I find related to it. In her mind we used DI to make the kids and that was the end of the story. Don't misinterpret this to mean she would count herself among those hetero families that use DI and never tell a soul much less the kids. She doesn't believe that and she is a firm believer in openness / disclosure. She just means she doesn't think about this stuff every day like I do and wants simply to put this all in perspective whatever that might be.
Truth is I can see her point of view. She is not affected like me as she is the bio parent and her day to day life is raising two small kids, shuttling them off via the NYC mass transit system to school, classes, playdates and general household stuff etc. She really does not have the time to stop and focus or obsess on these issues. In her mind we used DI to get around infertility, it worked, we have two kids growing up in NYC so lets stay on that plan and continue to raise them and ourselves.
This all got me thinking whether as time goes by, does the bio parent generally forget about these issues and only the social parent continues to revisit them from time to time? Again this blog forces me to not just forget this stuff but to dwell on it perhaps unnaturally.
To be honest when I look at my kids I don't see neon DI signs on their forheads I just see them. Truth is we signed on to be parents and we got that but occasionally we have to remember the other stuff and prepare to address it when the times come that it will be raised by them. And I know my wife will be with me when the kids realize what this all means.
The other night I called my wife over to the computer and asked her to watch a webisode of this 5 minute comedy per day called "Where are the Joneses?" Besides her dumbstruck reaction to the content of this very strange donor sibling search psuedo-comedy she quickly stated that I am nuts and she "did not sign up for all this".
By this she means my continuing involvement in ongoing DI issues and the occassional absurdity (i.e. the aforementioned web based video sitcom) that I find related to it. In her mind we used DI to make the kids and that was the end of the story. Don't misinterpret this to mean she would count herself among those hetero families that use DI and never tell a soul much less the kids. She doesn't believe that and she is a firm believer in openness / disclosure. She just means she doesn't think about this stuff every day like I do and wants simply to put this all in perspective whatever that might be.
Truth is I can see her point of view. She is not affected like me as she is the bio parent and her day to day life is raising two small kids, shuttling them off via the NYC mass transit system to school, classes, playdates and general household stuff etc. She really does not have the time to stop and focus or obsess on these issues. In her mind we used DI to get around infertility, it worked, we have two kids growing up in NYC so lets stay on that plan and continue to raise them and ourselves.
This all got me thinking whether as time goes by, does the bio parent generally forget about these issues and only the social parent continues to revisit them from time to time? Again this blog forces me to not just forget this stuff but to dwell on it perhaps unnaturally.
To be honest when I look at my kids I don't see neon DI signs on their forheads I just see them. Truth is we signed on to be parents and we got that but occasionally we have to remember the other stuff and prepare to address it when the times come that it will be raised by them. And I know my wife will be with me when the kids realize what this all means.
Monday, June 25, 2007
60 Minutes Revisits 48QAH, Donor Sibling Registry
no . 393
Last night's CBS 60 Minutes piece revisits or really re-ran its March 19, 2006 piece about Donor Siblings first focusing on the offspring of Donor 48QAH and then also Wendy and Ryan Kramer's Donor Sibling Registry.
My initial thoughts abouts about the segment can be found via link one and the link I previously provided to the original transcript of the segment can be found at link two.
At the conclusion of the segment Steve Kroft updated the viewer as to the number of 48QAH donor siblings found and that Dr. Matthew Niedner and his wife had since had their own little girl. For more about 48QAH there was a very nice USA Today article that ran the same day, June 14, 2006 (Father's Day weekend) as the their DI Dads article .
Last night's CBS 60 Minutes piece revisits or really re-ran its March 19, 2006 piece about Donor Siblings first focusing on the offspring of Donor 48QAH and then also Wendy and Ryan Kramer's Donor Sibling Registry.My initial thoughts abouts about the segment can be found via link one and the link I previously provided to the original transcript of the segment can be found at link two.
At the conclusion of the segment Steve Kroft updated the viewer as to the number of 48QAH donor siblings found and that Dr. Matthew Niedner and his wife had since had their own little girl. For more about 48QAH there was a very nice USA Today article that ran the same day, June 14, 2006 (Father's Day weekend) as the their DI Dads article .
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Donor Insemination Sibling Search as Comedy?
no. 392
I am not making up the following plot line for a new comedy sitcome to be I guess broadcast on You tube.
Excerpts per the website Chortle (linked above):
"The plot concerns a brother and sister – played by comics Neil Edmond and Emma Fryer - who discover that their father was a prolific sperm donor and travel through Europe in search of their many siblings."
"The comedy, called Where are the Joneses?, features a five-minute episode every day, over a 12-week run."
"Viewers can then suggest scripts, plots or new characters for the show, which Baby Cow writers will incorporate into the story."
I am not making up the following plot line for a new comedy sitcome to be I guess broadcast on You tube.
Excerpts per the website Chortle (linked above):
"The plot concerns a brother and sister – played by comics Neil Edmond and Emma Fryer - who discover that their father was a prolific sperm donor and travel through Europe in search of their many siblings."
"The comedy, called Where are the Joneses?, features a five-minute episode every day, over a 12-week run."
"Viewers can then suggest scripts, plots or new characters for the show, which Baby Cow writers will incorporate into the story."
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
A DI Dad's Movie Review: "And Then Came Love"
no. 391
This past weekend I saw with my wife the new Vanessa Williams movie where her character, Julie, is a choice mom via DI and she tracks the donor down. I don't want to give too much of the plot away ( I have actually done so quite extensively in previous posts about the movie) as I do think it is a movie worth seeing.
There are a few weak points in the donor side of the story (based on my knowledge) but overall I thought it was handled responsibly and put the issue in the public eye with some honest feelings behind it.
Two issues jumped out at me. (1) The donor indicates to Julie when they first meet that while in college he donated his sperm for the money (generally the case) but that he then decided against continuing and that he donated only the one time. From what I know donors who do not continue giving would not be offered generally on the open market. And you would think that the first batch donated would also be lost to testing for diseases etc in addition to various blood tests. (2) When Julie reads the donor profile out loud at one point she mentions the college where the donor was attending. While I know some programs openly market as having donors from XYZ college I still think it is rare and it was a loose end in my mind.
The most interesting donor conception tidbit in the movie I noted was from watching how they portrayed the donor conceived child. I was interested as it became clear that from the child's perspective he obviously was aware that he had no dad but it appeared clear to me that the "disclosure" discussion between mother and son never went farther than it was only "a mommy and son family". Seeing this in person in the NYC playgrounds and then here on screen made it clear to me that even in these households it is hard to easily explain these things and life passes quickly so even parents who intend to disclose and feel it is obvious don't always have the disclosure discussion as early as they would hope. Yes the child was only tops 6 or 7 so even if the mom did tell him the odds are the kid would not get it.
But back to the movie. The casting was great. Seeing Eartha Kitt as Vanessa's mom was perfect. Kevin Daniels as the donor was a good choice.
It is playing through only this Friday in NYC after that in limited run around the country. check out their website for dates, places amd times. [www.andthencamelove.com] As I said overall a cute fun movie while addressing some of the seriousness of the issue. This is not another "Made in America" and is worth seeing.
After the movie there was a short Q&A with Caytha Jentiss the movie's writer / producer and the two leads. At this I thanked herfor her writing and for responsibly putting forward an image of a DI mom and child family.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Thoughts on Father's Day
no. 390
The following was written and submitted to the NY Times as an Op Ed piece but was not published......
With Father's Day on the horizon my thoughts stray to the man whose gift allowed my children to come into being. This man is not the doctor or mid wife that delivered them. This man is their sperm donor. My children were conceived via Donor Insemination.
Without this man's gift, these children would never have come into being and into my and my wife's life. I am occasionally asked if I resent that this man could do what I could not. I can comfortably say I do not. On the contrary I want to thank him.
When I was diagnosed with non-obstructive azoospermia 12 years ago I was told that I should expect to never have children of my own. The fact that my children are not biologically linked to me has never lessened my love for them nor my belief that they are indeed my children. At the same time I am cognizant that there is another man whose role cannot be nor should be minimized.
To me he is and is not simply their donor. For now to my children he is in effect non-existent as they don't fully understand the concept of donor insemination. They have been told of their conception story and that a donor was used but this is still too much for them to truly comprehend as they are both less than six years old. Someday soon this will change and I wonder how that will play out. For now the knowledge of his existence rests with my wife and me and as I see it I have a responsibility to not let the truth of him fade away.
The lives of my children are as much connected to him as they are to me. I do not pretend to argue nurture is greater than nature but rather together play a role in these children's lives. I have his bios, medical, social, and educational. I have a toddler picture of him and a recording of his voice. All of this info is being saved for them as it is part of who they are.
Everyday I see articles addressing infertility and the use of donor conception from the side of the couples going through infertility, women choosing single motherhood, or lesbian or gay couples looking to start families. There are court cases around the country redefining what is family and who has the right to be legally defined as a parent or not. Under New York State law I am considered the legal father to my children. But despite that fact I know that someday my children will wonder about the man that is one half of their genetic make up.
Most heterosexual families of donor conceived children choose to never tell their children of the conception story fearing the child will turn against the social parent or for fear or shame of the perceived stigmas of using another person’s sperm or eggs to create their children. In my opinion these parents do so for their own reasons and not for the benefit of the children who have a right to the truth. I recently contributed an essay to a book series titled “Voices of Donor Conception” and have been increasingly involved in the discussions of these topics on the Internet.
The central issues surrounding donor conception, including donor anonymity, regulation and reform, have been or are being addressed in several countries around the world including Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand and Canada among others. The United States has not yet entered that discussion and currently there are no federal laws directly regulating the sale of gametes [i] nor are there any regulations imposed on the administration of the various cryobanks and clinics that solicit gamete donations and sell these gametes to the public. I am in favor of reforming the practices of this industry but I am not here today for that purpose.
I no longer fear the donor’s shadow but rather acknowledge his presence and if my children ask that his contribution be honored this or on a future Father’s Day I must honor their wishes if I am half the father I believe myself to be to them. So on their behalf I wish him a Happy Father’s Day and I say to him thank you for allowing me to do the same.
[i] “Reproduction and Responsibility: The Regulation of New Biotechnologies” The President's Council on Bioethics, Washington, D.C., March 2004, Chapter 6
The following was written and submitted to the NY Times as an Op Ed piece but was not published......
With Father's Day on the horizon my thoughts stray to the man whose gift allowed my children to come into being. This man is not the doctor or mid wife that delivered them. This man is their sperm donor. My children were conceived via Donor Insemination.
Without this man's gift, these children would never have come into being and into my and my wife's life. I am occasionally asked if I resent that this man could do what I could not. I can comfortably say I do not. On the contrary I want to thank him.
When I was diagnosed with non-obstructive azoospermia 12 years ago I was told that I should expect to never have children of my own. The fact that my children are not biologically linked to me has never lessened my love for them nor my belief that they are indeed my children. At the same time I am cognizant that there is another man whose role cannot be nor should be minimized.
To me he is and is not simply their donor. For now to my children he is in effect non-existent as they don't fully understand the concept of donor insemination. They have been told of their conception story and that a donor was used but this is still too much for them to truly comprehend as they are both less than six years old. Someday soon this will change and I wonder how that will play out. For now the knowledge of his existence rests with my wife and me and as I see it I have a responsibility to not let the truth of him fade away.
The lives of my children are as much connected to him as they are to me. I do not pretend to argue nurture is greater than nature but rather together play a role in these children's lives. I have his bios, medical, social, and educational. I have a toddler picture of him and a recording of his voice. All of this info is being saved for them as it is part of who they are.
Everyday I see articles addressing infertility and the use of donor conception from the side of the couples going through infertility, women choosing single motherhood, or lesbian or gay couples looking to start families. There are court cases around the country redefining what is family and who has the right to be legally defined as a parent or not. Under New York State law I am considered the legal father to my children. But despite that fact I know that someday my children will wonder about the man that is one half of their genetic make up.
Most heterosexual families of donor conceived children choose to never tell their children of the conception story fearing the child will turn against the social parent or for fear or shame of the perceived stigmas of using another person’s sperm or eggs to create their children. In my opinion these parents do so for their own reasons and not for the benefit of the children who have a right to the truth. I recently contributed an essay to a book series titled “Voices of Donor Conception” and have been increasingly involved in the discussions of these topics on the Internet.
The central issues surrounding donor conception, including donor anonymity, regulation and reform, have been or are being addressed in several countries around the world including Great Britain, Australia, New Zealand and Canada among others. The United States has not yet entered that discussion and currently there are no federal laws directly regulating the sale of gametes [i] nor are there any regulations imposed on the administration of the various cryobanks and clinics that solicit gamete donations and sell these gametes to the public. I am in favor of reforming the practices of this industry but I am not here today for that purpose.
I no longer fear the donor’s shadow but rather acknowledge his presence and if my children ask that his contribution be honored this or on a future Father’s Day I must honor their wishes if I am half the father I believe myself to be to them. So on their behalf I wish him a Happy Father’s Day and I say to him thank you for allowing me to do the same.
[i] “Reproduction and Responsibility: The Regulation of New Biotechnologies” The President's Council on Bioethics, Washington, D.C., March 2004, Chapter 6
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