Next Morning After Telling Me

I posted this a few moments ago to the DI Dads Yahoo Group: 

I knew this day would come and I knew it would be second child, my 13 year old daughter. 

My daughter came to my apt last night after not being here for over a week due to school and some blips in my custody arrangement with her mom. I missed her a lot. Her brother stayed at his moms. 

Somehow I knew it would be Z that asked. She is the emotional of my two. He more theoretical. He knows his story. He knows I am his dad. Perhaps he wants to know also but does not want to tell me for fear of hurting me. I have told him such a request would never hurt me. 

So last night Z asked me and it became real. I am not hurt. Surprisingly so even after theoretically saying I would not be after all these years. I do have concerns I admit as any of us would have. 

If she never finds him what amount of disappointment will infuse itself into her life?
Will she come to resent our choice as a result of a long search?
Will she fantasize who he might be over glorifying him as an individual?

These questions and others are inevitably a mix of my thoughts for her and my own. I have spent the bulk of the last several years virtually ignoring this world, except for small steps back into it, while dealing with issues affecting my children and myself due to separating from their mom, and eventually divorcing. Our divorce was not related to the children's creation story in any form. 

Z innocently said it would be cool to know more. I will discuss with her mom letting the kids first read his written profile from the cryobank and then later hearing his voice on the CD we got from the bank. I have not read or listened to either in years. 

So now I will be turning to these issues for the first time directly in years. Some no longer in the theoretical sense. 

I say thanks to Eric J. and the other dads who told their stories here long ago when their kids were teens and older.

Doppelgangers, First Impressions, Birth Certificates

Dopplegangers

Both my children play chess and through their classes my daughter met another girl about her age who could be their half siblings doppelganger. The resemblance is not perfect but close enough that my wife and I will occasionally remark about it.

We wonder if our daughter has noticed it (or even our son) as she and her brother have a picture of their half sibling in my son's room. Neither has said anything and we have commented about it to them but it is amusing.


First Impressions

I have not posted in about a month as work and life in general have been busy. We attended a NYC Gathering of donor conceived families and my impressions are posted on the Donor Conception New York blog. I also posted there my thoughts regarding the January meeting I attended of the Third Party Parenting Network here in NYC.


Birth Certificates

I have wanted to write a post regarding birth certificates as I read a couple of other blogs about this issue as it relates to donor conceived kids here in the US as well as the ongoing efforts in the UK to require notations on the certs of kids conceived via donor gametes. We also just submitted passport applications for the kids so the issue has been on my mind as I had to obtain certified copies of their certificates for the applications.

In the US there is a bill before the Missouri legislature that would grant donor conceived individuals greater rights regarding learning more about their donors and also includes provisions regarding birth certificates but the bill lacks teeth to require compliance by out of state cryobanks. I hope to write more about these issues soon.