Had a play date with friends who have two children conceived via DI this past weekend. They have not registered their kids on the Donor Sibling Registry and we talked about it a bit. We also talked about what the kids know, differences in interest between first and second born children. No Earth shattering realizations. Just normal chit chat.
On the Yahoo discussion group we have had a few threads going about when it is time to stop trying to use DI. A comment was posted this evening regarding continuing relationships with our non-bio children subsequent to divorce. I had been contacted by a producer looking for background info regarding a news show which will focus on DI and they wanted to make sure they had background info from DI Dads' point of views. There was some discussion of that on the group site.
A month or so back there was an active thread on the Yahoo discussion group where the consensus was to not create an info only Facebook page pointing folks to the Yahoo group for fear of opening the group up to crazies, to ending our anonymity, and a few other reasons. Amusing this was this week. I noted that one Yahoo group member, who I am not even sure saw that thread, linked on Facebook the blog post that immediately precedes this one about Paper Dads and divorce.
We have a friends child's Bat Mitzvah in two months in Philly where we may get to have lunch with T, my children's half sibling, who lives in Maryland. She and her mom may drive North and meet us which would be great as the kids have not seen each other since December 2009. My kids just saw Z, their other half sibling from Colorado, this past December 2010.
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Friday, December 24, 2010
Happy Holidays 2010, Welcome 2011
A few random thoughts....
Life these past 18 months has been anything but predictable or where I expected to be but nonetheless it is where I am and from where I must continue. My children are well and within the last 12 months plus gotten the chance to see each of their half siblings.
I have begun writing a bit again and hope to do so with more regularity. I expect to shut down my other blog (non DI related) as I no longer have the desire to keep it going.
I am so very tired but expect part of that is adjusting to the holidays. DI is not in any way a focus to my life these days but I still wonder what it will mean to my kids and for that reason will never walk away from the issue or this blog. When I have time again I hope to again increase my involvement with the issue.
In the past two weeks I opened the question on the DI Dads Yahoo Group of creating a Facebook page which would act as a link to the Yahoo Group encouraging those men looking for support to say hello and join. Due to continuing fears and issues surrounding facebook privacy and security the Yahoo group members asked me to not create such a page for fear of parties making their way into the group looking to cause trouble or exploit the information they would learn. It is a shame as I really would like to promote the group and find more men who could use the support.
One Yahoo group member came up with the simple idea of creating business cards advertising the group which would be dropped off at local fertility clinics. It is an idea I have had for years but never acted upon. It is a good idea and I thank the member for suggesting it. I woujdl expand the idea to also drop off the cards with local in/fertilty practitioners and/or therapists who could give the cards to men they meet in their practices who could benefit from the support.
I am looking forward to 2011. I wish you all a happy holiday season and happy New Year !
Life these past 18 months has been anything but predictable or where I expected to be but nonetheless it is where I am and from where I must continue. My children are well and within the last 12 months plus gotten the chance to see each of their half siblings.
I have begun writing a bit again and hope to do so with more regularity. I expect to shut down my other blog (non DI related) as I no longer have the desire to keep it going.
I am so very tired but expect part of that is adjusting to the holidays. DI is not in any way a focus to my life these days but I still wonder what it will mean to my kids and for that reason will never walk away from the issue or this blog. When I have time again I hope to again increase my involvement with the issue.
In the past two weeks I opened the question on the DI Dads Yahoo Group of creating a Facebook page which would act as a link to the Yahoo Group encouraging those men looking for support to say hello and join. Due to continuing fears and issues surrounding facebook privacy and security the Yahoo group members asked me to not create such a page for fear of parties making their way into the group looking to cause trouble or exploit the information they would learn. It is a shame as I really would like to promote the group and find more men who could use the support.
One Yahoo group member came up with the simple idea of creating business cards advertising the group which would be dropped off at local fertility clinics. It is an idea I have had for years but never acted upon. It is a good idea and I thank the member for suggesting it. I woujdl expand the idea to also drop off the cards with local in/fertilty practitioners and/or therapists who could give the cards to men they meet in their practices who could benefit from the support.
I am looking forward to 2011. I wish you all a happy holiday season and happy New Year !
Monday, February 23, 2009
Doppelgangers, First Impressions, Birth Certificates
Dopplegangers
Both my children play chess and through their classes my daughter met another girl about her age who could be their half siblings doppelganger. The resemblance is not perfect but close enough that my wife and I will occasionally remark about it.
We wonder if our daughter has noticed it (or even our son) as she and her brother have a picture of their half sibling in my son's room. Neither has said anything and we have commented about it to them but it is amusing.
First Impressions
I have not posted in about a month as work and life in general have been busy. We attended a NYC Gathering of donor conceived families and my impressions are posted on the Donor Conception New York blog. I also posted there my thoughts regarding the January meeting I attended of the Third Party Parenting Network here in NYC.
Birth Certificates
I have wanted to write a post regarding birth certificates as I read a couple of other blogs about this issue as it relates to donor conceived kids here in the US as well as the ongoing efforts in the UK to require notations on the certs of kids conceived via donor gametes. We also just submitted passport applications for the kids so the issue has been on my mind as I had to obtain certified copies of their certificates for the applications.
In the US there is a bill before the Missouri legislature that would grant donor conceived individuals greater rights regarding learning more about their donors and also includes provisions regarding birth certificates but the bill lacks teeth to require compliance by out of state cryobanks. I hope to write more about these issues soon.
Both my children play chess and through their classes my daughter met another girl about her age who could be their half siblings doppelganger. The resemblance is not perfect but close enough that my wife and I will occasionally remark about it.
We wonder if our daughter has noticed it (or even our son) as she and her brother have a picture of their half sibling in my son's room. Neither has said anything and we have commented about it to them but it is amusing.
First Impressions
I have not posted in about a month as work and life in general have been busy. We attended a NYC Gathering of donor conceived families and my impressions are posted on the Donor Conception New York blog. I also posted there my thoughts regarding the January meeting I attended of the Third Party Parenting Network here in NYC.
Birth Certificates
I have wanted to write a post regarding birth certificates as I read a couple of other blogs about this issue as it relates to donor conceived kids here in the US as well as the ongoing efforts in the UK to require notations on the certs of kids conceived via donor gametes. We also just submitted passport applications for the kids so the issue has been on my mind as I had to obtain certified copies of their certificates for the applications.
In the US there is a bill before the Missouri legislature that would grant donor conceived individuals greater rights regarding learning more about their donors and also includes provisions regarding birth certificates but the bill lacks teeth to require compliance by out of state cryobanks. I hope to write more about these issues soon.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
My Son Now Realizes the Donor Is a Real Person. I Think.
One of the downsides to referring to the donor, as the donor, is that it does dehumanize that person. Yesterday my kids had a play date with one of his classmates, in this case the boy who like my son is donor conceived and has two moms.
While tucking my son in I mentioned that like he and his sister have a common donor and are full siblings and that similarly his classmate and his baby brother also are full siblings as they share a common donor. I realized my son did not understand that the donor was a man like me when he asked whether the donor was a man or a woman. I explained that the donor was a man like me but that his sperm “worked” where mine did not and that is why we needed his help in making he and his sister. I reminded him that “T” their half sibling was created like them from the donor's sperm and an egg provided by her mommy.
I explained that the donor was a young man when he sold/gave his sperm to the sperm bank and that he is older now and may have a family of his own and that those children would also technically be my son’s half siblings. My son then asked if we know if there really are any more half-siblings like “T” out there. I said I did not know but I check the list where I found out about “T”.
I did not give the “donor” another name as I don’t really know what to call him. I did not go as far as to tell me my son that someday if he wishes he may want to meet this man. I did tell him that no matter what I will always be his and his sister’s daddy and that I love them both very very much. He smiled at that. I was afraid to humanize the donor too much as I was scared to, in effect, out right state that this man is his biological father and possibly scare my 5 ¾ year old son into thinking this man may come for him as the thought that I may place a fear into his head was in my own.
When I told my wife of this conversation she asked how in depth were our son’s questions or was I pushing the subject. I admitted that I started the conversation but I had not pushed the topic on him and would have changed the topic if he showed no interest in it.
While tucking my son in I mentioned that like he and his sister have a common donor and are full siblings and that similarly his classmate and his baby brother also are full siblings as they share a common donor. I realized my son did not understand that the donor was a man like me when he asked whether the donor was a man or a woman. I explained that the donor was a man like me but that his sperm “worked” where mine did not and that is why we needed his help in making he and his sister. I reminded him that “T” their half sibling was created like them from the donor's sperm and an egg provided by her mommy.
I explained that the donor was a young man when he sold/gave his sperm to the sperm bank and that he is older now and may have a family of his own and that those children would also technically be my son’s half siblings. My son then asked if we know if there really are any more half-siblings like “T” out there. I said I did not know but I check the list where I found out about “T”.
I did not give the “donor” another name as I don’t really know what to call him. I did not go as far as to tell me my son that someday if he wishes he may want to meet this man. I did tell him that no matter what I will always be his and his sister’s daddy and that I love them both very very much. He smiled at that. I was afraid to humanize the donor too much as I was scared to, in effect, out right state that this man is his biological father and possibly scare my 5 ¾ year old son into thinking this man may come for him as the thought that I may place a fear into his head was in my own.
When I told my wife of this conversation she asked how in depth were our son’s questions or was I pushing the subject. I admitted that I started the conversation but I had not pushed the topic on him and would have changed the topic if he showed no interest in it.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Random Thoughts at Holiday Time
Tonight while at my wife’s parents apartment for Christmas dinner my kids were horsing around with their grandfather on his bed. Just normal kid stuff jumping around, pillow fights, grand pa knocking them down with his feet etc. But the random thought that jumped into my head was that no matter what relationship I have with them that this man will always be “more” related [biologically] to them than me. The thought stayed with me enough this evening that I thought I would post it here. In reality this is a fact and nothing more but it still is a fact.
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