Creation and Family

The issues that concern both parents and donor conceived individuals all revolve around creation and family.  

For parents it is the drive to start and raise a family.  For the donor conceived it may be how could and why did their parents use a sperm or egg donor and who is this family that is beyond their reach.  And why would this missing genetic parent give them up.  Why would they donate their gametes.

On social media platforms parents start off posting regarding hope and wishes.  Donor conceived individuals publish either posts asking why or perhaps about siblings they have found.  These are oversimplifications and are not stated to make light of anyone's story.

The communities we have access to in the USA are primarily virtual, internet based communities.  Communication and contact is primarily on line and behind a wall that allows positive and negative reactions that elicit equally strong reactions.

I have always been jealous of the in person dynamic of the UK Donor Conception Network.  I would love to sit and have everyone in rooms together discussing issues and feelings.

I had lunch earlier this year, pre pandemic, with two other DI dads like myself.  It was a great experience to get together and just say hello.  Both guys are named Vincent and one I had already met a few times over the years as he is also here in NYC.  The second Vincent was down from Canada.  I have blogged about this meeting before.  At least I think I did.

I enjoy speaking with individuals, learning, discussing these topics as I want to help more than I have.  In truth we are all one family.  The pandemic has taught us that.  I just want everyone to help each other.  Creation and family.  A lot to think about.

Pardon me for today's rambling.

Kung Fu Panda 2 - Importance of Bloodlines in a Family ?

In Kung Fu Panda 2, the story involves Po's (jack Black) examining his relationship with his dad and the importance (or non-importance) of bloodlines in a family.

You can guess then that I am interested in taking my kids to see this film to see their reactions to this plot line and use it as a tool to further a discussion of what they understand about families.

But alas, neither child (ages 9 and 7) wants to see the movie. If I force them to go that would not help so I am stuck wondering.

Has anyone taken their kids and discussed this part of the story with their kids? Did anyone who saw the movie even realize this was part of the story? How was it addressed? I am curious for feedback.

The reviews I am reading here on Common Sense indicate the adoption story line may be a bit intense for younger children and the bad guy is truly bad and the film is much darker than the first one.

HBO Documentary: Americam Families

My 6 1/2 year old son was interviewed this weekend for an HBO Family special in collaboration with Rosie O'Donnell which is designed as a celebration of American families today and which will include animated songs, portraits of different families, and kids between the ages of 4 and 7 talking about family. Both of my kids were supposed to be interviewed but my daughter was sick so I stayed home with her.

My son apparently had fun and was fine with being interviewed but was a little taken back by the boom microphone which was covered in a furry mike cover. It will be interesting to see what he said and what their questions were.

My only concern was how they would ask about the donor and from what angle. Biologicaly or not I don't want someone telling my child at less than 7 years old, much less any child, who their father is or is not. But based on what he told me they did not directly ask him about the donor. His mother, my wife, was not allowed on the set during the filming, all of 15 minutes, which did not thrill me but he was fine. He's been away longer when he did all those silly NYC school entrance exams with people I don't know so this did not phase his mom. We had hoped she could be there if anything to video it with a home camera so we'd have the experience on film even if his interview is not used.

Anyhow he has indicated that he explained to them how babies are made, and that a sperm and an egg must come together and that later an embryo will become a baby. He explained that he , his sister and his half sibling all have the same donor. Beyond that he has not stated any details. We actually told him later that night a bit more about his donor from what we know from the cryobank bios. Our feeling is that we want him to fully understand that the donor is a real person and not just an abstract concept and is limited to the sperm he donated. He was being a bit silly so we don't think it sunk in but the info will be added and confirmed through future conversations.

We were told that the special, if it airs, would air sometime late in the year if not in early 2010.

Random Thoughts at Holiday Time

Tonight while at my wife’s parents apartment for Christmas dinner my kids were horsing around with their grandfather on his bed. Just normal kid stuff jumping around, pillow fights, grand pa knocking them down with his feet etc. But the random thought that jumped into my head was that no matter what relationship I have with them that this man will always be “more” related [biologically] to them than me. The thought stayed with me enough this evening that I thought I would post it here. In reality this is a fact and nothing more but it still is a fact.

Fighting Cousins

no. 339

One of my earliest posts titled "Kissing Cousins" addressed the fact that my kids are not blodd relatives to my nieces. This post has the same theme but with I think a reverse twist.

We spent yesterday at my sister's house with my family celebrating a birthday. My son was the only boy playing with his cousins and his younger sister. My sister's house does not have a lot of boy centered toys and usually the toys he selects to play with his cousins are not thrilled with him touching. Consequently thess visits usually end up with the girls wishing my son would go home early. Maybe not consciously but subconsciously.

My wife asked me when we finally did get home whether my sister ever explained to her kids how their cousins were created. I guessed that she had not as they are only in kindergarten and second grade. But I wondered if she had would my nieces ever say anything to my kids (especially my son) when my kids are getting on their nerves.

It's one thing when you tell family, the adults, of the use of donor conception but you never know how kids react. They may not care or they will interpret what they think they understand in some unexpected manner. Eventually we shall see.