Listening to DI and DE Moms: NYC Gathering

Last night I attended an installment of the NYC Gathering's dinner get-togethers here in Manhattan. The group organized by Sara Axel of the blog "Our Story Begins at Home" usually is attended by women who either used donor eggs, donor sperm, or both conceiving their children. I was the only dad in the room.

Last night the dinner had Wendy and Ryan Kramer as special guests. Both had been in town for an SMC event held in Brooklyn this past weekend. The featured topic discussed by Wendy and Ryan was "Who's Your Mommy? Should they tell their twins they came from donor eggs?".

The identity issue is wholly mixed together with the disclosure issue so both topics were discussed and brought up by the roughly ten women in attendance. I sat at the far end of the table as I have a bad cold plus I had the kids with me as the dinner was immediately after their school extended day pickup. I also heard the common theme that some of the husbands did not want the kids to know their conception stories more it seemed to their discomfort than the interests of the kids.

The moms in discussing the "Who's your mommy?" questioned the differences in connections to the donor when the mom carried the fertilized eggs producing their children. The fears of feeling less of a natural parent. Overall an interesting evening and I was sorry I felt like garbage and that I had to leave early.

Announcing the 2008 Donor Conception Blog Awards

It's that time of year when the blog world all goes a twitter at who was nominated and who is being voted best in their respective categories.

I was thinking let's start our own Donor Conception Blog Awards in the following categories (if you think of other categories let me know):

(1) Donor Conceived
(2) Choice Mom / SMC via DI
(3) TTC - DE - male or female authored
(4) TTC - DI (MFI) - male or female authored
(5) Donors - Former or Current
(6) TTC - 2 Moms
(7) DE / DI - Mom & Dad family
(8) DE / DI - LGBT
(9) General DC Issues

If you believe one or more of these categories should be consolidated let me know. If enough individuals believe this is worthwhile let me know and we can set this up.

I figure since the DC blogging world is not all that big we should start with only three nominated blogs in each category. If anyone has an idea for an award logo or nomination logo let me know as well.

NY Times : "Your Gamete, Myself" - Donor Egg Stories

no. 407

"Your Gametes, Myself"
Peggy Orenstein
NY TImes Magazine
July 15, 2007

I just found out about this article and plan to read it tonight and add my comments later.

The article can be linked to through this blog's post title.

A Donor Egg Story - When No Woman is Mother

no. 405

The Nation's Pulse

The American Spectator

Motherless in Maryland -- Roberto de.B's Twins

By James M. Thunder

Published 7/11/2007 12:07:52 AM

I came upon the American Spectator op-ed column yesterday listed above and linked to HERE that examined the Maryland court case In re Roberto d.B. I don't usually read what I refer to as political magazines but when I saw this column, via Google, I was intrigued as I had read about the case earlier this year and posted a link to a news story, see here for that post, but I had not seen much in the way of op-ed pieces about it.

In short the case involves a man who made arrangements for an egg donor to donate to him eggs for the obvious purpose of inseminating them and having a surrogate carry the embryos to term. After the delivery of the resulting twin girls the hospital and state listed the surrogate as the mother. The man, who is listed as the father petitioned the courts to have the surrogate's name removed from the birth certificates and won.

The article made me wonder about situations when gay men arrange for donor egg and surrogates to carry the resulting embryos. How are those birth certificates filed? Who is generally listed as the mother? The egg donor or the surrogate?

Again I am unsure if I agree with all of the writers views but it was an interesting article to read and struck a chord in me regarding the rights of the children born and I wondered how they will react as they grow up with no mother at all listed on their birth certificates.

The Going Rate for Egg Donors ?

no. 383

I was reading through an issue of the free tabloid newspaper amNY and I was taken by the ad placed by the NYU Fertility Center where they were offering $8,000 as compensation for egg donors.

I know there are centers that pay more and ads that are more glossy but for some reason I was just affected by the number.

American Sociological Assn Study : Valuation of Egg and Sperm Donors

no. 377

The ASA released today the results of a study undertaken by Rene Almeling, a UCLA Ph.D. candidate in sociology, where Ms. Almeling reviewed the operations of US sperm banks and egg agencies. The following are excerpts of the study's summary linked through this posts' title.

Excerpts:

“Men donors are paid less for a much longer time commitment and a great deal of personal inconvenience,” she said. “They also are much less prepared for the emotional consequences of serving as a donor of reproductive material. Women, meanwhile, are not only paid more for a much shorter time commitment, they are repeatedly thanked for ‘giving the gift of life.’

“From compensation rates to the smallest details of donor relations, sperm donors are less valued than egg donors,” Almeling said. “Egg donors are treated like gold, while sperm donors are perceived as a dime a dozen.”

“A pronounced double-standard exists in the way that men and women donors are valued by the fertility industry, and it can’t be explained medically or by market forces,” Almeling said. “Based on the availability of donors alone, you would expect the abundance of potential egg donors to drive down compensation fees and the scarcity of potential sperm donors to drive up their fees. But I found just the opposite."

My comments:

I found Ms. Almeling's comments and conclusions interesting as my expectations were very often the opposite of hers. While I do think sperm donors go through a longer comittment period it seems to me that egg donors are subjected to the greater inconveniences of being subjected to actual medical procedures, taking drugs that could affect their own reproductive systems down the road as compared to the men who very often are just “get[ting] paid to do what you [they] already do.” Yes I understand because men are comitted to a longer relationship to their banks they are in effect agreeing to affect their own social lives due to required "abstinences" between "donations".

I am not trying to discount the contribution of the sperm donors as I am greatful for the eventual creation of my own children but I am just surprised by the researcher's own surprise at the results of h er own study.

MD Donor Egg Surrogacy Case: No Mother Ruling

no. 374

"Ruling Alters Idea of Mother"
Md. high court finds paternity laws must apply equally to men and women

By Andrea F. Siegel
Sun Reporter
Originally published May 17, 2007

Full Article Linked via Post Title

Excerpts:

"A baby conceived from an egg donated by one woman and implanted in another may have no mother at all under Maryland law, the state's highest court ruled yesterday."

"The man who arranged for the children to be born from his sperm and donated eggs, and the woman with whom he arranged to carry them, brought the case. The two wanted it made clear that she had no legal claims or responsibility for the children."

"The ruling is pioneering because of its basis on the state's Equal Rights Amendment: The court found that paternity laws apply equally to men and women."

""The change is that Maryland's paternity statute - which was written to define paternity - can now be used by women in the same way to challenge maternity. That really is the main and, as I see it, significant change," said University of Baltimore law professor Barbara A. Babb, who directs the law school's Center for Families, Children and the Courts."

NY Times (5/15/07): As Demand for Donor Eggs Soars, High Prices Stir Ethical Concerns

no. 371

The linked articles discusses the prices offered egg donors, the possible medical effects on the egg donors but nowhere from what I see does it address the donor conceived individuals created.

There is a stat from the CDC that in 2003 approximately 5700 babies were born from donor eggs. Interesting that the CDC collects that stat but cannot require sperm banks or clinics to report births resulting froom donor sperm (not that I think they could accurately collect that info - see prior blog post).

NYMag: Israeli Donor Egg Farming

no. 348

http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/30032/

By Kira Peikoff

NY Magazine

April 9, 2007

The entire text is posted at this blog’s Annex.

Excerpts:

"There is a shortage of Jewish in vitro eggs. Hopeful parents are turning to the Promised Land. "

“Here’s a riddle for your rabbi: If your baby is born from in vitro fertilization, and the donated egg isn’t from a Jewish woman, is the baby really Jewish? Although different branches of Judaism have different answers—Reform says it’s about how the kid’s raised; Orthodox rabbis tend to believe a conversion is necessary—many parents want to make sure their child is a member of the tribe down to its DNA. The problem is there aren’t enough Jewish eggs to go around. So a new type of yenta has arrived on the IVF scene who finds suitable donors, usually from Israel, to match with Americans seeking to become pregnant.”

My observations:

As the full article notes “Israelis may identify more strongly with infertile couples because of their society’s strong pressure to reproduce”. Based on Rachel’s site and other information I have seen IVF and related ART techniques are much more common and accepted in Israel based on societal pressure. My only concerns, beyond the normal issues surrounding the donor conceived created, is whether the women donating are putting aside their health issues and risks for a chance at the money offered. The article certainly closes on the exorbitant monies they can earn.