Divorce and Unused Donor Sperm

Within the past few weeks I signed my Settlement Agreement with my spouse settling the division of our assets, agreeing to all issues surrounding our kids, etc. This agreement will now be filed in the NYS courts and eventually be approved resulting in a final divorce decree. We did not include any section detailing what is to become to the unused donor sperm vials still sitting in storage at the cryobank facility. We forgot to address this issue.

Have we set ourselves up for some legal battle over the disposition of these remaining vials?

For the last several years we had left these vials sitting and paying fees for their storage. Or should I say I have been paying these fees. I still am.

The question had never been whether we would be using them and certainly we are not now. The question was whether they'd be used for medical research to identify the genome or whatever could be learned from them as they provide direct DNA samples from the donor.

Could we determine if there are any latent diseases the donor was carrying? I was told by a friend that any such analysis could not be used by insurance companies to claim a pre-existing condition as the kids are not the ones being tested. But to be honest I don't have extra funds to pay for any such analysis.

Testing would be nice but even to send them would probably cost some money as I am guessing there would have to be some subterfuge as I am guessing the bank would not allow a vial to be sent anywhere other than a doctor's office under the belief it woud be used for an attempt at conception.

We never intended to sell them back to the cryobank as we did not want to see other half siblings created unless they were to be used by a family who already had kids by this donor to ensure full siblings within their family. Perhaps this is selfish but had been discussed with the other two known donor sibling famioies and we were all in agreement on this issue.

The account with the cryobank is in her name but the payments are set up to be from me. Either of us I guess could direct the bank to destroy the remaining vials. At this point neither of us would probably try to legally prevent such an action but it would lose the testing opportunity.

So again the question continues what to do with the extra vials but with the background of larger issues.

"Paper" Dad Asked to GIve Up Parental Rights

A member of the DI Dads Yahoo Group is going through a divorce and as part of that proceeding his soon to be ex-wife is asking him to give up his parental rights to their child saying he is only a "paper" dad anyway. I don't pretend to know all of the facts and any divorce is a private matter as to what caused that marriage to end.

In this case this woman is asking her husband to give up being a father arguing he never really was the father anyway because he did not share blood with their child despite the facts, I am assuming, that he was there when the child was born and has been there for every act that has been part of their raising that child. I won't state the child's age as that is not important for this post. But the child knows their father, this DI Dad, and that child's mother is looking to sever that tie legally.

There are certainly issues of identity etc that may be issues for any child conceived via DI but this mother if she were to successfully force the father to give up his rights will further compound these issues by ripping the only father this child has known away from this child.

As for the father my understanding and support is there for him to fight his ex 100% to maintain his legal connection to this child. My greatest fear for him would be if she severs his ties she could then move anywhere she would want and it is possible, as the child is still young, that the child would not remember the only father she has ever known and the father will lose his child and the joy of being a father.

Divorce, Separation, Donor Conception, and Me

Over the years I have written this blog I have read plenty of articles dealing with divorce, separation and donor conception. Most of the cases that make the headlines have dealt with lesbian and gay couples and few regarding straight families and the effects of such decisions. I never expected it to be a personal issue. It now is.

My wife and I have separated and are still dealing with the legal side of things. The day to day stuff we are already addressing as I now live in a separate apartment and the kids are already going back and forth depending on the days who has whom. It is still early so it is unclear as to how they are adjusting. To be honest I am still unsure how I am adjusting to not being with the kids every night.

For the most part we will move forward as any family does in this situation. Our one donor conception related issue we have open is the disposition of the remaining vials we still own and are in storage at the cryobank we purchased them from. Other than that we are in agreement as to disclosure as the kids already know and we will address their issues as a family as they get older and ask more questions.

Both moms of their two known half siblings are aware of the situation and have been great about it. To be honest we told each of them when they were all in NYC this past December. In that department I should state that my kids with their mom are headed to Colorado next week for Winter break to share their vacation with Z the little boy that is their half sib that lives out there.

So if I occasionally now discuss the effects of life as a separated dad to donor insemination kids please indulge me.