Hurricane Irene - Shared Connections and Concerns

In the past 12 hours I have been trading e-mails and Facebook posts with each mom to my children's two known half siblings. Nice feeling that we are all concerned about each other.

T apparently was hoping the hurricane would knock out power in their mid-Atlantic state so that she would get to use her flashlights. Z is out West so luckily his family did not have to deal with all this.

My own two kids had been set up to sleep in their mom's walk in closet but J felt to enclosed so he slept in the dining area of the living room to stay away from his bedroom windows. J laughed when he heard T wanted the power to go out. He did not want that as he wanted his TV.

My younger child lost her second big tooth during this storm. Supposedly the tooth fairy made an appearance at my old apartment (after I sent this image to their mom that we use to convey the congratulatory wishes of TF with today's "quarter dollar plus").

Things My Brother said....And who is this brother you ask?

Over the last few weeks my kids have referred to their male half sibling as their brother when talking with friends or adults. Now granted they just had a visit with Z when he was here in early December and over time and distance between visits the references seem to dwindle. But as they get older it takes longer as their half sibling stays in their current memory.

It is interesting and amusing to watch how they describe who this brother is depending on the reaction they get from their audience. I have tended to stay quiet when this has occurred in my presence in order to see what they say and how the other party reacts.

Very often when it is classmates or kids at school the other kids asks who the brother is and the reply is simply my brother Z who lives in Colorado. Most kids just accept this and move on. It is usually the adults who are left more confused knowing that neither I nor the kids mom were married previously. Or perhaps they are wondering if either of us had a prior relationship where a child resulted.

For my kids referring to their half siblings as their brother or sister is now as normal to them as anything. I no longer try to correct them or direct them to another term. Whether their relationships to each other become deep, rich relationships in the long term is another matter. But for them they know and feel that they are siblings. To them at this age full or half means nothing. They just know.

I believe this is healthy for them. Knowing their are other kids out there who are part of who they are. It may be confusing to them when they enter those confusing adolescent years. But it just may give them additional anchors to work through the period of questions.

Added thoughts:

My kids have not seen T their "first" half sibling in a year so they have never said sister to her directly and I know T's mom does not use that terminology. In truth the kids all act more like distant cousins despite the terms 3 of the 4 use. Hopefully this is never a problem as the kids grow older in dealing with each other but I suspect as they get older and better understand it it will not be. At least I hope so.

Chalk Sisters

This morning I took my kids out to a local park wher they started a number of chalk drawings on a hand / paddle ball court. My daughter at one point while drawing indicated that two of the "girl" drawings were of her and her "Sister [T]". I had not prompted this at all.

More and more I have noticed they refer to T and Z as their sister and brother. I admit I have not done anything to stop or modify their terminology as I wanted their thinking to be organically derived. I do think their watching yesterday's Good Morning America segment where they saw Ryan Kramer and two of his half siblings refer to each other as brother / sister only confirms their belief that their use of brother and sister is OK.

Half Sibling Z to Visit Fall 2010

It's official my kids will get to see their Half Sibling Z when he and his mom visit this coming Fall.

Maybe Half Sibling T will make a trip to NYC again as well?

Another Half Sibling Found ! December Meeting Planned !

We have learned that my two children have another half sibling. A boy only about 6 months younger than my son.

So counting my two kids, and "T", the little girl we met twice over the last few years, we know of 4 children born from our donor. I plan on referencing the new half sibling as "Z".

And wait the news continues. Both T and Z and their moms are coming to NYC the first weekend in December ! All four kids under one roof. When Z heard about T and my kids he asked his mom when he can meet everyone else and somehow Z's mom got all of us talking and it is happening. Amazing.