Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Is there DI Happiness?

no. 282

What makes a person happy? What keeps them from being happy? Will my children be truly happy? Right now they are happy. I am hoping they remain so. When they fully understand DI will it change this? Will it throw a thin veil of sadness and questions over them that will color their lives denying them true happiness? I am plagued by this question. If I could take on that veil ensuring that they would not I would gladly do so. This topic keeps coming back to haunt me.


Rachel Inbar said...

Eric, I think that because of your openness with the DI that your kids are never going to have that moment of "fully understanding DI". It's just going to be something that they understand more and more as time goes by. I can imagine them trying to use it against you once or twice (in the same nasty way my kids told their stepfather "you're not my dad") but then they'll realize this isn't what they really feel or mean and they'll give it up.

Denying them true happiness? No way :-) I doubt they'll ever give it even a small part of the thought you have.

Richard said...


Don't let it haunt you. I've just said the same to Katty. What we have had to do is not wrong. We have not inflicted some great wrong or suffering on our children that we should be ashamed of. You love your kids more than life itself. You live for them, you work for them and, I am certain that, if it came to it, you would die for them.

They have your total and unconditional love and I know that, because of the type of person that you are, you will always make sure that they know that.

You're doing everything that you can to ease the journey that your children will have to make, just like any other parent would. Don't lose faith in yourself.


Lollipop Goldstein said...

I think there are plenty of unhappy bio kids and plenty of happy adopted/third-party reproduction kids. And I think a lot of it is the luck of the draw and the rest is parenting. But we get a skewed view of happiness and DI because only the unhappy kids start these blogs. The happy kids are too busy living life.

whosedaughter said...

"only the unhappy kids start these blogs. The happy kids are too busy living their life."

This is just not true. The DCP who write these blogs and participate on on-line forums are advocating for DCP rights and raising awarness of potential repercussions invovled in DC. The only issue we are "unhappy" about apply to donor conception and dismissive attitudes and comments (such as above) suggesting that those who speak up must have something wrong with them. We have not spent all our lives doing this and our donor conceptions are only one part of who we are and the lives we lead. Sheesh!!

Rel said...

I must agree with Whosedaughter with the above comment. I am tired to death of hearing how "unhappy" we must be, because we are the ones who speak out. You know what we truly are? We are the brave ones, because we are being honest about our feelings. We are advocating for so many thousands of others who are not in a position, for whatever reason, to do so themselves. This happened with adoption. A select few spoke out and led the way to reform and change (well here in Victoria, Australia anyway).

I guess it is hard for people to understand that we are happy even though we are at a loss and sad that we do not know our genetic parents and our own identities. I too have many other aspects of my life that bring me so much happiness. And even in this instance, in my donor conceived status, there is some happiness to come out of it in that I have turned my feelings of loss into something more powerful and meaningful. I gain so much happiness in knowing that I am making a difference out of something that does cast a shadow in my life.

I think that before people dismiss those of us who speak out as the "unhappy/selfish/ungrateful" lot, should really start to think about what it is we are saying, why we are saying it and how it may possibly be the very start of many more similar voices and stories coming forward.