Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Blogs Against Donor Conception

no. 341

It’s been a while since I have highlighted blogs which address donor conception as an avenue to family creation to be avoided. So here are two I have not highlighted previously.

One such site is Children Have Rights – Say No to Reprotech. The blogger Veronica Thomas has many strong opinions but provides little opportunity for discussion of both sides to any topic she focuses on but she does address many of the relevant topics worthy of discussion. Veronica critiqued My DI Dad blog back in January 2007 without holding back any thoughts which can be linked to here. Veronica is quite passionate in her views and posts yet we never learn of her connection or interest in the topic (to my knowledge) except for belief that it is wrong.

Another anti – donor conception site is one created by former donor Michael Linden of Australia. This new site is titled The Donor Who Dared to Say Don’t. Like Michael’s earlier blog it is not updated frequently but offers another platform for Michael’s views.

I have never stated, to my knowledge, that I am pro donor conception. I believe my views have always been that it is the path we chose and today my blog exists to explore my thoughts on being a DI Dad and to present info as I find it on the topic. If that is seen as pro-donor conception so be it. As I wrote in a post to the DI Dads Yahoo group today one of my purposes is also to discuss as a DI Dad how we address DI with our kids to help them process their conception and life story. I also try to provide interested parties access to topical resources so they can make their decisions accordingly. Do I wish other couples, individuals success if they have decided to use DI, yes I do. Do I actively counsel couples not to use DI....no I do not. Again if that is seen as by default my being pro-donor conception so be it. My wife and I made our decision others have to make that same decision. May G-d help us help our children live with those decisions.


DD said...

I can only simply appreciate Veronica's opinions on donor conception. What else can you do when someone prefers to see just one side of the fence?

Unfortunately, she seems to believe that the biological bond supercedes any and all bonds created through donor conception and that's simply not true. If so then this world would never know child neglect and abuse of which occurs in a higher percentage in biological families.

There has to be two sides to every coin or how else would we make what we hope to be education choices in every aspect of our lives?

LorMarie said...

What the pro-bio dad camp doesn't get is that they are insulting every person who was abused or mistreated by their biological fathers by pushing him (bio fathers) as the ideal. They may not intend to insult them, but they are. Biology means nothing if your bio parents are horrible parents.

Unknown said...

Lormar... I agree. I'm a DI kid, and my biological mother is much less of a parent than my non-biological father. To toot my own horn, I think I'm a better father to my stepson than his deadbeat, alcoholic absentee bio-dad.

See, I'm the DI kid that supports the way I was made. I find it an affront to my very existence that my own "peerage" finds my method of conception to be so loathsome. I've tried to interact with them, and finally withdrew in disgust.

Eric- I appreciate your blog. I'm getting some insight into how my dad must feel, which is really important to me. I don't want to hurt him (any more than I have) with my origin.

Recipient said...

Ryan, the following statement you made really troubles me.

"I don't want to hurt him (any more than I have) with my origin."

Holy crap - who made you feel like any of this is your fault? What part did you play in choosing to be donor conceived and not related to your "dad", and because of this, hurt him?

Instead of helping me support donor conception, you make me wonder what brainwashing takes place in some homes of the donor conceived.

DI_Dad said...

Liz's Mom - I can't speak for Ryan's own history with his social dad but what I can say is any relationship between parent and child can have challenges. Ryan's interest in learning about donor conception can be threatening for some dads or a reminder of the pain they felt long ago.

This is typical for dads where at the time their kids were conceived they were always told to not talk about DI and that not talking can fester in ways that hurt the dad alone or the relationship between the social father and child.

I have no knowledge of Ryan's relationship other than what he has posted so I think to assume some mild form of brainwashing was involved is jumping the gun.


Recipient said...


You're right. I shouldn't assume. I apologize to Ryan.

Unknown said...

Well, that was odd to read. Well, it's hard for me to address someone as "Liz's Mom", but here goes:

Liz's Mom-

My situation cannot be used as an indication of how "DC Households" normally operate. My mother taught me and my siblings that being Artifically Inseminated was a shameful thing, something to be reviled. She taught us this by lining us up in front of my dad whenever they were fighting. She would scream things like: "He's not your real daddy", "He'll never be any part of you" and "He's no sort of man."

We learned that throwing "the secret of our origin" in our dad's face was how to argue with him. I've said "You're not my real dad" to him twice in my lifetime. I regret both of those instances, and I have apologized... but you can't erase things like that. I can't... undo that. It wasn't a passive thing on my part, my existence doesn't hurt him. I actively used it to hurt him; I won't forgive myself for that.

In explanation of my mother: She has an IQ of 87 and a thyroid disorder that causes violent mood swings. She shouldn't have borne children under any circumstances, but Artificial Insemination was more than her little mind could handle. I don't blame AI for how she acted, I blame her. She could have chosen to medicate, could have attempted to behave like an adult. Instead, she's 56, jobless, living by herself on a trust fund left by her uncle (It doesn't pay enough to support her).


Were our situations reversed, I would take this as a warning and would prepare a reaction for when and if this happens to me. I hope it doesn't. I have a stepson myself, and I have prepared myself for when my son says it to me.