Monday, October 01, 2007

Telling at School - Continued - "Me Too ?"

I had originally posted the below text on the Yahoo DI Dads discussion group but got no responses. I had intended to publish it here only after processing what responses I would receive there. Here goes anyway.....


I wanted to throw a question out to the dads of kids already in or past (or way past)kindergarten. My son started K this past month. As I wrote on my blog my wife asked me whether we should tell the teacher as they have a big unit on family structures etc. My gut was to let our son take the lead.

Yes he knows the words DI, donor, half siblings etc but I cannot say he fully gets it yet and I am not pushing him but at the same time the topic is openly discussed especially when we exchange emails and pictures with his and his sister's half sibling.

In his class is another DI child (via his two mommies and the sperm they purchased etc). She told me her son knows he has no dad just his two mommies. My wife approached this mom and told her our story etc and then I on another day disclosed my blog etc.

Anyhow this mommy (FYI she is the social parent like me) asked me if we expect to be open and have our son explain it all himself (or what he can). I at first said that I will let my son take the lead and if it comes up it will come up. I am now thinking that perhaps when her son explains (if he does and what he can) it would be a good time for my son to also say "me too". Granted he has a daddy but like his friend his beginnings are essentially identical.

This might be a way for them both to "not feel different" when addressing a very different story than the rest of their class. I was curious what the dads of kids who are not toddlers and below think about this.


Now since drafting this I said to myself I don't expect to push my son into telling as it has to be his decision and he obviously has to understand or have an idea as to what he is even telling. Should be an interesting unit when it comes up.


Rachel Inbar said...

My guess is that this doesn't really cross his mind much and that although his beginning is similar to that of the other child, your son does have a dad. Why would he see himself as being any different from any other child in the class?

I don't think my kids would ever mention that they were born from frozen embryos - it's just part of who they are (certainly no taboo or anything to keep them from saying it). I think if they did, it would only be to get a kick out of their teachers' response :-) I actually videotaped a conversation I had with them about it & they couldn't understand why anyone would even find it interesting. (They're 11, btw.)

Bea said...

I'd be interested to hear how it all pans out. I really don't know what the "ideal" solution would be.