Tuesday, July 21, 2020

You Were So Wanted

This morning I reposted on Instagram a children's book recommendation regarding a book that addresses how babies are made for preschoolers but which specifically avoids the typical "you were so wanted" language that exists in many books geared forwards donor conceived children.

I wanted to discuss and ask why this language is triggering for many when it is employed in this manner.

I get the concept as we have discussed often that telling a donor conceived person that they should be happy to just be alive is not a valid or helpful argument to ever make because it is not the issue. The issue is the manner of their creation and how that this constructed creation cuts off a donor conceived person from their biological parent, heritage, and needed medical family history.

I expect it's much the same concept here that the "wanted" construct is being used to circumvent any negative reaction to the knowledge that their donor conception did cause those connections to be broken. The feeling being that the "wanted" construct is just the first act to push children, some might argue brainwash them, into being good little commodities and accept their creation story when in fact they were created for the benefit of their recipient parents.

I am writing this with language I have heard and read for years that I personally have felt a bit terse but I fully understand the intense feelings and arguments behind. Remember I am one of those recipient parents but one who has been trying to further the discussion so please forgive me this moment of reaction as I put forth my inquiry.

So I guess my question is have I accurately stated the objections to the "you were so wanted" construct used in kids books? Am I missing something else that recipient parents should understand and be able to address with their kids to fairly balance out the construct. I am sure a few psychologists out here can help with the theory in lay terms we can use to help our kids.

Sent from my iPhone

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