Monday, April 03, 2006

The Role of Fatherhood Part 2 - Choices

There is a message thread currently on the Yahoo Group SpermDonors that started after the 60 Minutes DSR segment. The thread's discussion has touched on the obligations of a bio father vs that of the choice to be a dad by the social fathers.

As a social father who was there (1) for the choice of donor (actuallly I chose him) , (2) for the inseminations, (3) the entire pregnancy [& all that entails] and (4) for their birth I feel my role is more than a choice. It is a committment to the children, to my wife, to the world and to the donor that I raise these kids [as my own]. My name is on their birth certs which gives me equal custody and decision making capabilities. It also obligates me as much as any bio dad. Except for [their] blood [which matches mine in type] these are my children and I recognize and acknowledge all the resposibilities that go with it. If I had met my wife after she had these kids perhaps it would be more of a social choice. But based on my fact pattern I am their dad [by more than simply choice] as are any other men whose facts match.

As a result I feel all of the obligations of a bio father are mine and nothing less. And yes I acknowledge that if a marriage were to dissolve between a married couple (bio mom, DI dad) that the social dad should be liable for child support as to do otherwise would signify a lack of commitment to the child and a lack of respect for the former spouse.

To recap the point being made in some of the thread responses is simply that social DI dads who choose to enter this method of conception are choosing to love and raise these kids. Yes, I agree but once the choice is made it requires an acknowledgemenmt of a lifetime obligation.

1 comment:

jennifer said...

its very interesting seeing this from the male prespective. you sound like a caring man.