Follow me on Instagram

I have not abandoned this blog. Really.  But it does seem that Instagram has become the faster avenue for me to post images, links, comments etc. 

Long form commentary I will still post here. These are my roots. Since 2005. 

Below are images of the posts I have uploaded / published to Instagram since Mid June alone.

Please join me on Instagram at Instagram.com/life_di_dad/

One Part of the Family Story

Julie over at the Instagram account HappyTogetherChildrensBook I believe truly nails the message I have come to believe over all these years.  Donor Conception is only part of each family's story.

At the same time Jana Rupnow through her Instagram account Three Makes Baby has created a new Family Tree Project where the traditional family tree is upended to include epigenetic influences which extend beyond simple bloodlines.  Epigenetic influences include non-physical traits and physical traits of family members you live with and various traits with family members you don't live with as well as other factors that influenced the individual's life including climate, activities, food as well as cities the individual has lived in.

At the core of all this to me is how we live our lives.  Certainly a donor conceived individual's genetic and medical history that come from their biological parents, including their donor, play a big part of an individual's story and that of their family.   There is no denying that in any lexicon. But it's not the whole story.  How we live our lives and the time we devote to differing segments of our life also play major roles in our stories.  Our achievements and tragedies play a role in our development.

My children, my teenagers, may have started their story from the genetic code wrapped up in their DNA, which they got from their biological father, their donor, and their mother, my ex-wife.  But their social development was also impacted by my divorce from their mother.  It is also impacted by the schools they attended and the neighborhoods we live in and the friends they chose.

The drive to find a donor or biological half siblings can consume a donor conceived individual's time and focus.   For some that focus is key to understanding who they are.  But their story includes many facets of who they choose to be as well.  Granted those choices are shaded and colored in by how these choices may be preprogrammed into each of us.   Don't read this to insinuate I am a fatalist.  I am not.

One of the hardest concepts that parents must understand, whether it's a SMBC, a single dad, a pair of hetero parents or a same sex couple, is that donor conception was merely a tool, an avenue, that allows families to be created.  Donor conception sidestepped the anguish, and pain of facing the infertile diagnosis.  As parents it's how we raise our donor conceived children that define our stories.  Our jobs are to focus on their needs.  Helping them to process their story, but also to allow them to live full and robust lives.  Our family stories are not defined solely by the use of donor conception, but as our children grow, it is how our families live our lives that are primary drivers of the family, donor conception is major factor but only one part of our stories.

New IG Acct: Life_DI_Dad

So after years of posting donor conception content on either my personal Instagram account or on my personal Twitter account I started a separate Instagram companion account to go along with this blog.   The feed can be found at www.instagram.com/life_di_dad

Please follow me on your Instagram account as I hope to revisit some past thoughts and bring some new thoughts to the table.

Things you learn on social media ....

In the past week to ten days there were a number of stories, events I wanted to blog about.  Just getting to it now.  If Blogger supported an app that would work on my iPhone I would be writing more often.

Instagram feed:  Donor_siblings

Via one of the Facebook groups, I believe the DSR group, there was an article I saw I think in the Washington Post that spoke about a 40 person donor conceived group with an age span of 1 to 21 I believe.  That is insane.  And the donor is  now known to the group members.  I am assuming and their families.  One of the oldest in the group Kianni Arroyo has made it her quest to meet each and every one of her donor siblings across all age groups.  She started an Instagram account donor_siblings to document and share these meetings and photos.  It is very cool and fun to see her siblings interact.

The fact that there are donor conceived groups out there with this many individuals is insane and this is a major factor crying out for regulation.  The age range here also makes me think how many years the donor was visiting clinics or how long was sperm frozen.  So many questions.

An International Conference on Donor Conception in NYC

I learned via the tweets of Geraldine Hewitt that in May 2019 there will be a conference held at New York University.  Per Geraldine it's focus will be aimed at empowering DC people as advocates for themselves.  I indicated I am interested in attending and participating if there was an appropriate forum that I could add anything to.  I was told the focus would not be on "recipients" as they have plenty of forums and support groups already.

I stated in a tweet that "I have two teens. My focus is on their interactions and their perspective.  But if exploring how they or their peers approach the parents that raise them about their needs I believe maybe we all learn.

 

 

And so it begins...

Daughter again told me tonight she wants to meet her donor. The kicker which freaked me out was she contacted her only known female half sibling whom we have visited with over the years and kept in touch with.  She contacted her via Instagram and I was unsure how public the half sib has been. Z has told her friends. Luckily she sent her message via a private DM message. 

The kids have all treated each as other as more distant cousins etc than direct siblings so Z reaching out was a surprise.  

I contacted the girls mom and she was happy that Z reached out as she did. We will see what develops here and what the girls even tell us. More as it occurs. 

As I said ...And so it begins.