Popularity of and Choosing a Sperm Donor

no. 337

In the last two weeks the NYT has now run two articles focusing on Donor Conception / Insemination and one letter to the editor. The newest article by Gina Kolata focuses on the choice of donors and Fairfax Cryobank's Donor 1913 and his alleged most popular status.

Anonymous Conception
Psst! Ask for Donor 1913
New York Times
By GINA KOLATA
Published: February 18, 2007

They Are Linked by Their Genes (1 Letter)
NYT Letters to the Editor
Published: February 20, 2007
Janine Baer

I plan to post the text of these articles to the Annex later this week for now the links are provided above to the NYT itself. My own reactiosn resulted in my submitting my own letter to the editor. If I don't hear from the NYT within I think two weeks, their time requirement, I will post it here. The crux of my letter involves male input into the selection process.

Emerging Donors – A DI Dads Dilemma

no. 336

Sperm Donor Father [CCB 150] Ends His Anonymity
NY Times
Amy Harmon
February 14, 2007

Hello, I’m Your Sister. Our Father is Donor 150
NY Times
Amy Harmon
November 20, 2005

The November 20, 2005 article was one of the first within Ms. Harmon’s series that graced the cover of the NY Times bringing the issues surrounding DI to the forefront of water cooler discussions in the past 18 months. Seeing today’s article bring some resolution to the identity issue for the donor conceived teenagers and young adults in the piece was nice to see, read, and feel a part of.

As a DI dad initial reactions are a curious thing. You are happy for these kids but then you wonder will my own kids have such a desire to meet / find their bio father? How will I feel when it’s a real man across the park they are walking towards? Long term it’s certainly a good thing from their perspective but it also makes you take stock of yourself and the reminder that your emotional reactions / needs must come second to theirs.

Not all DI dads will take this approach. Certainly most heterosexual couples still have not told their kids of their origins and that’s their decision. My kids know and will continue to be told their story so how will I feel when it’s their turn we’ll have to wait and see how life develops for them and for me.

Sperm Storage Fees: The 2006/2007 Question

no. 335

Well we ended up continuing to store our remaining vials. I just sent the cryobank via email an updated storage agreement requesting that my credit card be billed monthly as opposed to paying a year's worth of storage at once. Sort of like a month to month lease for space in their cryogenic tank.

We envision in the next few months selling back all but one or two vials at 50% of what we paid for them but for the moment the decision is again put off for another day. It is doubtful we will ever use these vials but like many others we are too chicken to pull the plug.

International Infertility Film Festival - Not Much Time Left

no. 334

Sorry, for the lack of posts these last two weeks. It's been extremely cold here in NYC and by the time I get home I am bushed and the kids have been up later than usual. Hence one tired poppa.

I have been struggling with what to submit for the film festival. I have toyed with asking other dads to film themselves for 5 seconds each and send me photos and put together a collage of what infertile men look like (namely like anybody) with title sequences that state infertility can hit anybody so watch what you say and be supportive etc. etc. yadda yadda yadda. Other ideas have me discussing the topic with my kids but J won't stay still and I am not thrilled with putting his face out there so publicly.

Only a few more weeks and I need to create an entry. The whole avatar / electronic actor thing is beyond my time and ability right now. The apartment is too cold for me to be up late creating stuff on the PC right now. Anyone have an idea?

"Sperm Banks' Screening Too Strict" (No Altruistic Purpose Here)

no. 333

Spectator News
(Student Newspaper of the University of Wisconsin)
Jacob McCormick
Issue Date: Feb. 5, 2007

Four excerpts of an article written by a student who looked into donating....full text posted on the Annex linked above....

"Last semester, I was joking around with a few fellow staffers at The Spectator about donating sperm. Because of my constant need for money to cover my extravagant spending budget, I decided to look into actually donating.
.....
I figured it couldn't be more painful than giving plasma twice a week. At a minimum income of $100 per accepted sample, according to the Genetics and IVF Cryobank Web site, it is a much more profitable venture than plasma, even though the nearest sperm donation center is located in Roseville, Minn.
.....
The one thing that was a big concern to me when I was considering donating sperm was the confidentiality of my name and the legal issues that may be involved with indirectly fathering a child. However, Cryobank's Web site states that all names are withheld and that the donor does not have to worry about child support or anything of that nature.
.....
The monetary compensation for donating sperm is definitely worth the procedure and it isn't a waste of time to look into donating. But given the rare chance of actually becoming a donor, I think I'll stay master of my domain and continue donating plasma."

After reading the full article it certainly did not leave a positive impression. I counter this article in my mind with the donor voice recording we have. I would expect having heard that recording that my kids will at least feel their donor had good intentions even if they know he was paid money.

Needs of Sperm Donors, Offspring at Odds

no. 332

Needs of Sperm Donors, Offspring at Odds

By Kay Miller

Star Tribune

Minneapolis – St. Paul

Last Updated: February 2, 2007

- The sperm bank industry is being challenged to catch up with growing demands for detailed information about donors as thousands of their offspring come of age.

- The article includes the following paragraph:

"Morrissette collected evocative essays from DI children, a sperm donor, even an infertile father in her 2006 book, " Behind Closed Doors: Moving Beyond Secrecy and Shame," (Be-Mondo Publishing, $12.95)"

The infertile father is me!

-------------------------------------

A Sperm Donor has Waited for More than a Year to Become Part of His Kids Lives

WIBW.com

Topeka, Kansas

Posted: 4:48pm Feb. 2, 2007

- An update of the Kansas Supreme Court case. In short this was the first day the Court could have issued its opinion. It did not do so and the next possible date a decision can be issued is March 16.

--------------------------------------------

Donor Offspring Find One Another

Star Tribune

Minneapolis - St. Paul

by Kay Miller

Last Updated: February 02, 2007 – 5:13 PM

- The mothers know that Donor 1047 has at least 23 offspring, possibly as many as 100.

Where I've Been - Just Being a Dad

no. 331

During the last week I really have not had much time to decide to what to post here. For that matter I missed a posting deadline on another blog I am a member of. It's not so much that I have not had anything to say but rather I have been having fun just being a dad and specifically setting up a photoblog for my son on a topic he is currently involved in ...his love of the subways (the NYC kid's version of trains). Unfortunately for you folks the blog is a private one as it contains images of my kids and I want keep their images private when I can.

So don't worry topics like the the Virginia legislative bills regarding assisted reproduction and new donor conception blogs are not far from my mind but at the moment just being a dad is taking precedence. You can be sure when the Kansas decision is rendered regarding the rights of that sperm donor I will be blogging about it.

FDA Says Embryo Bank Not Under its Jurisdiction

no. 330

Houston Chronicle
Associated Press
January 24, 2007

SAN ANTONIO — The Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday that a broker offering ready-made embryos to prospective parents does not fall under its jurisdiction.

An FDA spokeswoman in Dallas confirmed this month that the agency was investigating Jennalee Ryan's Abraham Center of Life but would not elaborate.

It was unclear what laws or regulations were the focus of the investigation.

An FDA statement Wednesday said that "the investigation determined that the facility was not currently engaged in practices that fall under FDA jurisdiction."

DI Dad Responsible for Child Support Despite Separation Agreements

no. 329

Mark Fass
New York Law Journal
January 24, 2007

Delaware County, NY, Acting Supreme Court Justice Eugene E. Peckham has held that a man who grudgingly agreed to his wife's artificial insemination with a donor's sperm may not deny legal responsibility for the child during the couple's divorce proceedings. [Laura G. v. Peter G., 1070/04.]

"The couple who married in 1995 agreed in 2004 separation agreement that the husband had no financial responsibility for the then unborn child. Shortly before the parties filed for an uncontested divorce, they entered into a stipulation that again stated that Mr. G. would not be financially liable for the child and calculated his child support obligation exclusive of her.

Shortly before the parties filed for an uncontested divorce, they entered into a stipulation that again stated that Mr. G. would not be financially liable for Alyssa and calculated his child support obligation exclusive of her. "

In short the Judge ruled that the husband had agreed to the DI, raised the child, developed a loving relationship to the child, and that to now cut off that relationship would not be in the best interests of the child.

The judge cited the Court of Appeals [NYS's highest court] decision Shondel J. v Mark D., 7 NY3d 320, which held, "Where a child justifiably relies on the representations of a man that he is her father with the result that she will be harmed by the man's denial of paternity, the man may be estopped from asserting that denial." "

2007 Sundance Film Festival Entry Includes Sperm Donor Plot

no. 328

Salt Lake Tribune
By Ellen Fagg

Article Last Updated: 01/24/2007 01:44:50 AM MST

"....In "Never Forever," a complicated, graphic love triangle, [Vera] Farmiga's Sophie is a rich, impeccably-dressed wife with a halo of blond feathery curls who secretly seeks a sperm donor when her Korean-American husband can't father a child......"

IMDB listing

NY Metro Parents

no. 327

I submitted an online application to the NY Metro Parents website to become a contributor to their "Parent's Blog Network" using my work on this blog as a reference. Their on-line website appears to cover most, if not all, the topics covered by their various free NYC print magazines.

My base topic of observing life as a dad to DI kids may be too narrow for them but as a dad here in NYC maybe they'll be interested in another viewpoint. Considering alternative reproductive technologies are recently a frequent topic of interest in the press they may be interested.

I also submitted a discussion board entry indicating I am looking for other NYC area parents who kids are donor conceived to start a local network of families so my kids and theirs can know other kids whose stories are similiar.

Sperm Donor Movie : Re-Titled Yet Again !

no. 327

It appears that within the last week the IMDB listing for this movie has now listed it under the title "And Then Came Love". So the working title history so far includes in most recent order "Somebody Like You" and originally "Who Needs 'Em?".

Should we take bets what other titles it may change to before it completes post-production and is released? The movie stars Vanessa Williams and is directed by Richard Schenkman. The movie also stars Ken Daniels, Michael Boatman, and Eartha Kitt.

National De-Lurking Week: Jan. 8th - 12th

no. 326

I apparently did not realize that January 8-12, 2007 was National De-Lurking Week. I apologize to anyone that would have liked to de-lurk during the sanctioned period.

If you feel you can de-lurk now even though the amnesty of the week has past I encourage you to do so. It might mean that I will be held accountable for coaxing you out into the open without reading you the Internet equivalent of your Miranda Rights but I think I will risk it. Hopefully you will as well. What could 4 days hurt?

If you feel uncomfortable now that the week has past but would like to say hello feel free to contact me via my e-mail address posted on my Blogger profile. I promise no personal e-mails will be made public unless you want them to be.

Update re Vanessa Williams Sperm Donor Film: Retitled "Somebody Like You"

no. 325

As previously discussed, back on 6/28/06 and 6/27/06, the plot of the film is that Williams seeks out the sperm donor that she used to create her child but is unhappy to find out who and what he really is (and no he is not Ted Danson from "Made in America").

Anyhow for anybody looking to find this film when it is eventually released it has changed it's title from "Who Needs 'Em" (assuming this was a reference to men in general and the donor in particular) to "Somebody Like You" (assuming this refers to a character which is the Williams love interest.

Updates as they come out will be probbaly posted on the IMDB site and this Yahoo site.

"I Want Daddy"

no. 324

My kids are truly mine and my daughter is very much daddy's girl. Everytime she starts crying about something or another she automatically comes to me for encouragement, comfort or for an answer her mother did not give her.

On the other gand sometimes her crying out for her daddy makes me feel like she knows I am not her biological father and she is crying for him. Last night she came down with what is her very first fever, which is amazing since she's over 2.5 years old. But when she woke up at one point she was screaming that she wanted her daddy and I was right there. No matter how many times we tried to tell her I was there she kept crying out for her daddy.

This happened again tonight when we were giving her a bath to try to bring the fever down. It took several minutes for us to calm her down and again I had these feelings like she knows. I feel every inch her daddy and know I am but sometimes your mind plays tricks on you and when you see your child in pain and you cannot do much to stop it you feel helpless. Gotta run as she just woke up.

"Embryo" Bank Stirs Ethics Fears

no. 323

On Saturday, January 6, 2006, Washington Post ran a story regarding the Abraham Center of Life, based out of San Antonio, TX, discussing the Center's advertising that they are offering the world's "First Human Embryo Bank" for couples dealing with infertility issues. Articles regarding this facility have popped up now and again and it is no surprise that with the last few weeks worth of Katrina Clark stories, Mary Cheney stories, and cloned food stories that this one is trotted out again.

The reporter, Rob Stein, hits all the relevant issues and does note that ethically the service provided is similar to what is currently available in that couples or individuals can now arrange for donor sperm and donor eggs separately and that ethically that has not amounted to the same level of interest that the Abraham Center engenders.

My only comments are, echoing again the authors, that where an individual / couple arrange for DI and DE they are the ones choosing the combination as opposed to the Abraham Center making the choice for commercial reasons as to what combinations they believe individuals / couples woud want. While it is clear that when individuals make the choice they are doing so for their own personal reasons here it does begin to make the line grayer than it already is.

Perhaps I am misunderstanding the service provided by the Abraham Center but so far this is my understanding of what it means to offer the World's First Human Embryo Bank. A copy of the Post article will be posted in the Annex to this blog.

New Blog: Donor Conception New York

no. 322

I have come to the conclusion that one of my goals to start a national US based organization that would loosely act as an alliance of the various US donor conception related organizations is not happening and to be honest would unnecessarily try to duplicate what already exists, the DSR. It is our national organization in the US even if it is a different kind or organization.

What I am now going to attempt is start a local, grass roots group right here in New York City for NYC families looking to meet up (yes in person) with other families created via donor conception. I will admit the genesis for this idea is selfish. I think my kids would benefit long term from physically knowing other kids like themselves that later they can turn to as friends for all the things friends do as well at times when they need to gripe, share, question their personal stories.

I also think it would be helpful for me as a parent to face to face be able to on a periodic basis talk to another parent in person about DC related matters. So if you know folks here in NYC that might share these goals or desires send them my way at the new blog (linked through the post title) which may in time grow into something more...personal friendships

Known Donor vs. Anonymous - A Discussion on Salon.com

no. 321

Currently there are about 80 plus comments posted onto a Salon.com article where one half of a lesbian couple wrote in requesting donor advice from one of the resident correspondents.

The requesting woman thinks she wants a known donor where her partner believes an anonymous donor is safer for various reasons including parenting roles, custody etc.

The discussion that arises throughout the 80 plus and growing comments is quite interesting. Not many hetero responses beyond my own but the level of discussion is enlightening.

Sperm Storage Fees: The Annual Question

no. 320

It's late December again and we received the addendum to our storage agreement asking us to determine if we want to continue to store the unused vials of the donor's sperm. I last spoke about this in September 2005. We still don't know what to do.

A week does not go by that my wife doesn't comment that she wants another baby. I actually want more children as well. But financially it would not be easy or even fair to our existing kids to have another child considering our current liabilities. Living here in NYC is not cheap and for all I know our kids may to attend private school based on the condition of the local grade school (but that is another story).

Part of me wants to keep the vials for us. Part of me wants to keep them for another family that has already used our donor for one child but who do not have more vials to create a sibling. My wife has suggested we destroy them but I am not yet at that point. Certainly with storage fees at approximately $350 / year we can't keep the vials indefinitely.

I liked the idea of sending one vial for testing but that did not seem so cheap either although it would be a single one time fee and would perhaps shed more light on the donor and what genes may have been passed on to my kids.

I don't know what to do. We have to decide in a few weeks. My wife actually suggested last night that we sell them back to the cryobank so we can get some money back and if there were other families interested in this donor they'd have the ability to use him now. He was one of the few Jewish donors at that bank.

At this point I am betting another $350 will be charged to my credit card with no decision really being made. See you in another year when I bring this up again.

The Voices of Donor Conception Book is Now Available

no. 319
The first book in the Voices of Donor Conception book series has been published. I am now a published essayist.

It's kind of strange to see my words in print in a real book. Seeing my writing here on the screen seems normal after publishing several websites and blogs over the years but a real book is pretty cool.

The book, titled "Behind Closed Doors: Moving Beyond Secrecy and Shame" includes essays by donor conceived individuals including Ryan Kramer, Rebecca Hamilton, and Karen from Whose Daughter. Kirk Maxie contributed an essay about his experiences as a donor. And Wendy Kramer (Donor Sibling Registry) and Olivia Montuschi (Donor Conception Network) contributed as biological parents and as individuals with vast experience on the topics they each discuss.

The book has a companion website where individuals can contribute their reactions, their own stories and read what others have to say about the essays in the book. There is also a Yahoo discussion group created to encourage two way discussion on the topics discussed in the book and in general.

Mikki Morrissette is the editor of the book and contributes her own essays to open and close this volume of the series. Mikki is also the author of Choosing Single Motherhood.

The book only arrived last night by mail so I have not yet read through it all but already I believe it to be an important book to see various sides of the issues written in the first person presented together.

I recently purchased another book titled "Who Am I ? Experiences of Donor Conception" which only presented the view of three different donor conveived individuals. I have not received it. It will be interesting to read both books to compare and contrast the experiences and thoughts discussed.