Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Who Did We Tell Again? Should We Tell Anyone Else?

no. 352

There is a problem with telling. Not with regards to telling your kids as they have a right to know. What I am refering to is telling only select segments of your friends and family. The problem is you tend to forget who you have told and who you haven't.

I got home from attending the NY Mets home opener at Shea Stadium and my wife asked me if had told my college friends, at least the core group, of our kid's conception story. My reply was I think so but wasn't wholly sure. I knew I had told at least the friend who was our best man at our wedding. Beyond that I think I told the other guys, but to be honest I wasn't wholly sure. Thinking about it now I am not even sure why she asked me this question.

For the most part I am sure 99% sure none of our friends and family would care or even blink at their conception story but at this point I am prone to not tell anyone else as it is my son and daughter's story to share or not share.


DI_Dad said...

COMMENT ADDED ON BEHALF OF OLIVIA MONTUSCHI (a mom and one of the founders of the Donor Conception Network):

My own take on when to stop 'telling' is that it is the parent's responsibility to 'tell' in the interests of the child until the time comes when it is clearly the child's information to tell. I would argue that this is rarely before the age of eight, which is when they really (begin to)understand what DC means. This means 'telling' teachers, doctors and probably parents of close friends whom your child might talk to. I'd be interested to know what others think about this.


Unknown said...


Alright, I was preparing to write something witty here, and I actually had what I call a "reboot cycle" regarding my own experiences with this.

Okay, my mom told everyone. If they needed to know, they knew. If they didn't need to know, they knew. If they were a mentally-imbalanced, likely psychotic stranger we had just met, they knew. I feel that her method was flawed.

To give you an idea: I'm pretty free with the information. I have no problem sharing the knowledge of my origin with others, provided I know them at least passingly well. The knowledge that I was conceived from donor sperm cannot hurt me, so I don't care who knows.

I would say: Don't tell the teachers, they don't need to know. Doctors need to know. As for parents of close friends, well, I would be reactive on that account. Only discuss it once the child has said something and the parent brings it up with you.

I really don't think that anyone can fault being tight-lipped on this issue, after all it is truly "none of their damn business." Keep the list small and need-to-know basis, not out of shame, but out of respect for your children.