Friday, February 24, 2006

A Call for Decorum in the DC Comment Wars

Since I started this blog and enabled comments I have received numerous posts of support but I have also received a number of comments contradicting my own view which on occasion have come close to or crossed the line into something more angry. Marty, you have to agree some of the exchanges were too much. Comments can be a great tool to elicit further discussion if decorum is followed.

Currently across this blog and the blogs of DD and Richard (both TTC DI blogs) there exists an unspoken war of words regarding positions on donor conception. Now some of the exchanges are instructive and some are just expositions on positions because they can (due to the blogger's
allowing comments). In this manner the warring comments do not result in genuine discussion but have evolved into attacks.

I ask now the following of the members of TW who are placing their commments on these DI blogs to take a step back for a moment and consider the following. Each of these DI blogs has been started by individuals looking to explore and share their journey through their decisions to use DI and yes by allowing comments they are inviting responses not attacks. Comments must be civil or the blogger will close this avenue to you. Yes, Lia, I understand that part of what is needed is that donor conceived persons are asking for VALIDATION that what they are experiencing is true loss and separation. I have given that and I expect to do so more over the years but for others to do that they cannot feel that they are being attacked. Individuals who are directly forced into defensive postures are harder pressed to feel empathy for their attackers much less validation.

Michael, you have started DA-DI and the TW blog bulletin board, use them to voice your views. If the positions are reasonably argued and put forth they shall be linked to by others as examples of contradicting opinions. So far the DA-DI blog has been used in a limited fashion. Yes the posts have been quite compeling but have you seen these TTC bloggers go out of their way to purposefully harrass your posts, no they have not and I don't expect they will as that is not a valuable exchange if it is met only with hostility and not meaningful dialogue. Yes if you give the
chance to these men they I expect they will get into more of the deep dialogue but not from a defensive position.

DD's comment regarding Aussies was meant as a light hearted response to my query nothing more. His intent was not meant to demean Rel's experience from what I saw. The response received was totally disproportionate to its intent. Rel's reply was perfect and it played off of DD's terminology.

Those that have read my posts here and on the Donor Misconception yahoo group know I give the DC persons a fair shake. This has been demonstrated by my posting about new blogs and other pertinent info that makes sense for me to comment on. I have demonstrated that on various other yahoo groups as well. Lia, thank you fo the acknowledgement. Its no secret in the donor conception community that it is my goal to start, from here in the US, a new organization that as part of its purpose is to help and support not only those affected by DC (parents, dc persons, and donors) but the organizations themselves. I want to create a central portal where not only support can be provided and links to our representative orgs but a forum where articles and stories can be told from all sides of the equation. What I don't want and nor will I be part of is a forum where attacks are standard and participants go out of their way to harrass or flood out another individual's opinion.

My concern is that currently through these DI blogs, which are honestly written and put forth, all that I have described above as destructive to rational discussion is occuring and must stop. So again I call for decorum in these comment wars and a call for each party to use what resources you have (your own and other related blogs) otherwise opportunities to be part of larger discussions will not available as no one knowingly enters a party where they know that others are there only to attack them. Validation and empathy must occur before active support but nothing begins from a position of distrust.

By the way please notice this post has no comments section. If you have something to say in response please post it on your own blog as we all need to take a break for a moment. Feel free to link your blog to this post as the backlink will be available below for others to see your own post.


Sent by Eric Schwartzman Wireless Blackberry

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