Friday, February 10, 2006

Grafted Family Trees

A message from a single mother by choice on the Donor Misconception yahoo group the other day discussed her beginning a family tree for her child detailing her own history. As part of her research she found much more than she expected and she was struck by how detailed the history available was. At the same it apparently hit her how empty the tree was for her child's other side, that of the donor.

While we are not a single parent household my kids will see a full tree of the folks that created their daddy in addition to their mommy. And yes they will know that these ancestors are theirs only by the choice of their creation by DI and that these are their ancestors through their DI Dad despite the fact they are not genetically theirs due to biology. Will they wonder about their donor's lineage, of course they will.

What info I have for them (of the donor's parents, siblings and relatives) I will graft onto their tree to show them that this history is real and that much of it, ethnically and religiously, matches their "imposed" or "adopted" history. Will it be same, certainly it will not. But it will at least demonstrate that many of us came from the same place and lived similar lives and, perhaps, that most families cared enough for their children and tried to make better lives for them. I seem to recall a phrase which stated "a part was taken and a part was given". The context may not be the same but maybe it will work for us.

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