Friday, May 05, 2006

Another Child? The Odds are Against It.

The truth of the matter is I do want another child. My wife keeps asking me and I keep saying no. Mostly for financial reasons but I'll admit I am also scared.

What am I scared about? I'll tell you. So far knock wood we have been blessed with two wonderful kids who are healthy, smart, and rambunctious. My fears are if we tried again our luck would not hold out. I have seen many personal stories of DI kids who are experiencing problems. I am not referring to the emotional ones of identity and loss but medical. And by that I mean medical issues that could have come from nowhere but via the donor. Stories of common ailments that have been duplicated and documented among half siblings who share a common donor.

Take for instance the mom who kids had so many issues that she began a website against her cryobank protesting it's apparent lack of responsiveness and apparent lack of screening for various diseases. I don't know the whole story and perhaps the public never will. Yes this case may be an extreme but when I read the discussion groups there a number of such stories out there.

Not only is it my fear as a parent who would have to deal with the day to day care of a sick child, but it would add another burden to my existing children down the road that they did not ask for on top of the identity issue that is already been thrust upon them by our choice to use DI. Most people forget that a disabled or sick child grows into an adult and then once the parents are gone the burden falls to any siblings.

Like I said our two kids are healthy and good kids and as much as I want more, and glad we used DI to bring these kids into the world, I am afraid to play the odds a third time.


Vee said...

I just wanted to share this story, because it has just happened and everyone is in disbelief that this little girl has to go through so much pain again.

The point of sharing this story is that she was not born like this, she didn't choose this life. Her family and siblings didn't wish this upon her.

My mother has cancer and my father is not the healthiest either. I may have some desease that I am not aware of yet (I hope not) does that mean that I shouldn't have biological children ?
In case it is past on to them ? I understand your fear and it is a genuine one, but sometimes in life if we really want something we need to take chances. We can't always live life, with "what ifs" ? Just my two cents worth anyway.
All the best !

Vee said...

Eric, sorry if my comment sounded very straight to the point. Max and I have had this discussion many times also...when do we stop worrying ? Where do we draw the line ?

DI_Dad said...

You are correct that we can't live life worrying. Putting aside the worries the truth of the matter is despite our desire to have a third financially we at our limits at this point and that is our reality. Who knows there is always the lottery.

Thanks for the story Vee my heart goes out to that child and her family. Unbelievable.