Friday, August 25, 2006

Jealousy among Partners & Alternative DI Dads

As I was writing the previous post I started wondering if I harbor any jealousy towards my wife that the kid's are genetically related to her and not me. I had not thought about this for some time. But what it lead to is my wondering how this is handled between same sex parents.

By same sex parents in the DI world you usually think of lesbian parents where one woman used DI to get pregnant. But in truth where two gay men opt to use one partner's sperm with some combination of DE (known or anonymous) and/or surrogacy the non genetic partner is as much a DI Dad as I am. But instead of a unknown donor the person providing the sperm is their partner. The issues must be the same for lesbian couples but I am looking at it from my angle so I am focusing in on the male DI Dad.

Granted the facts are different as in my case infertility forced us down the DI path where for Gay couple the issue is one of choice if both men have normal sperm counts. If they are lucky I suppose if multiple children are wanted they can switch off who is the bio dad.

I have only seen a few articles in the electronic papers ( 6/22/2006) addressing gay couples having kids and I believe they addressed this issue. If anyone knows of a blog addressing this side of being a DI Dad let me know as I am curious to learn more.

1 comment:

katty said...

Dear Eric,
I find your attempts to think through all the issues surrounding DI, and to be as scrupulously fair as possible, rather moving.
As for DI dads in gay couples: I would be interested to know what the rights of the non genetically related parent are in the event of a separation. I know of at least one lesbian couple where the woman who carried the baby has been able to retain sole access and custody of that child after separation, even though her former partner (who is not genetically related) had been the primary carer.
I don't know if the recent changes in marriage laws for homosexual couples in the UK will change that, and extends to custody over kids.