Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
The Lack of a National Discussion Regarding Donor Conception
no. 379
In October 2005, I attended a conference held in Toronto regarding the future of donor conception where I met Mikki Morrissette, the author of Choosing Single Motherhood and also the editor of Voices of Donor Conception. Earlier this week Mikki attended a second conference held in Nanaimo, Canada at Malaspina University - College regarding the Reproductive Technologies. The conference was titled Nobody's Child Everyone's Children.
Mikki's reflections on the conference as they relate to the fact that here in the United States no such national discussion has begun can be found at her blog Choice Mom.
The conference agenda looked quite extensive and I would have loved to go but finances, work, and other responsibilities kept that idea from being anything more than that. If anyone finds any other commentary as it relates to this conferebce please let me know.
In October 2005, I attended a conference held in Toronto regarding the future of donor conception where I met Mikki Morrissette, the author of Choosing Single Motherhood and also the editor of Voices of Donor Conception. Earlier this week Mikki attended a second conference held in Nanaimo, Canada at Malaspina University - College regarding the Reproductive Technologies. The conference was titled Nobody's Child Everyone's Children.Mikki's reflections on the conference as they relate to the fact that here in the United States no such national discussion has begun can be found at her blog Choice Mom.
The conference agenda looked quite extensive and I would have loved to go but finances, work, and other responsibilities kept that idea from being anything more than that. If anyone finds any other commentary as it relates to this conferebce please let me know.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Ryan And Anna, Two Half Siblings Meet
no. 378
When Wendy and Ryan Kramer created the Donor Sibling Registry it was for partially so Ryan could find and meet any half siblings that might be out there. After two misses this past February, 2007 a third connection was made that allowed Ryan to finally meet a half sibling, three years younger than Ryan to the day. Wendy Kramer writes about this experience in the May 2007 issue of the AFA newsletter Connections.
It's a very touching piece written by Wendy who after all these years of seeing other families connect finally was able to see the joy on her own son's face when he met his own half sibling.
The closing paragrpah in the article highlights the terminology question of how should these individuals defiine themselvves and each other. More often than not when the individuals are teenagers or older they go straight to "brother / sister" where the adult parents first lean to "half" this or that.
For my own kids and T, we were in control and the kids don't fully understand yet who they are to each other so for now they are still just half siblings. I truly hope my kids develope a close relationship to T as they get older as it would allow them to have someone just like them to comprehend all of this.
Reading the AFA Connections article was special and you felt you were sharing Wendy and Ryan's joy. Two people who deserve it very much.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
American Sociological Assn Study : Valuation of Egg and Sperm Donors
no. 377
The ASA released today the results of a study undertaken by Rene Almeling, a UCLA Ph.D. candidate in sociology, where Ms. Almeling reviewed the operations of US sperm banks and egg agencies. The following are excerpts of the study's summary linked through this posts' title.
Excerpts:
“Men donors are paid less for a much longer time commitment and a great deal of personal inconvenience,” she said. “They also are much less prepared for the emotional consequences of serving as a donor of reproductive material. Women, meanwhile, are not only paid more for a much shorter time commitment, they are repeatedly thanked for ‘giving the gift of life.’
“From compensation rates to the smallest details of donor relations, sperm donors are less valued than egg donors,” Almeling said. “Egg donors are treated like gold, while sperm donors are perceived as a dime a dozen.”
“A pronounced double-standard exists in the way that men and women donors are valued by the fertility industry, and it can’t be explained medically or by market forces,” Almeling said. “Based on the availability of donors alone, you would expect the abundance of potential egg donors to drive down compensation fees and the scarcity of potential sperm donors to drive up their fees. But I found just the opposite."
My comments:
I found Ms. Almeling's comments and conclusions interesting as my expectations were very often the opposite of hers. While I do think sperm donors go through a longer comittment period it seems to me that egg donors are subjected to the greater inconveniences of being subjected to actual medical procedures, taking drugs that could affect their own reproductive systems down the road as compared to the men who very often are just “get[ting] paid to do what you [they] already do.” Yes I understand because men are comitted to a longer relationship to their banks they are in effect agreeing to affect their own social lives due to required "abstinences" between "donations".
I am not trying to discount the contribution of the sperm donors as I am greatful for the eventual creation of my own children but I am just surprised by the researcher's own surprise at the results of h er own study.
The ASA released today the results of a study undertaken by Rene Almeling, a UCLA Ph.D. candidate in sociology, where Ms. Almeling reviewed the operations of US sperm banks and egg agencies. The following are excerpts of the study's summary linked through this posts' title.
Excerpts:
“Men donors are paid less for a much longer time commitment and a great deal of personal inconvenience,” she said. “They also are much less prepared for the emotional consequences of serving as a donor of reproductive material. Women, meanwhile, are not only paid more for a much shorter time commitment, they are repeatedly thanked for ‘giving the gift of life.’
“From compensation rates to the smallest details of donor relations, sperm donors are less valued than egg donors,” Almeling said. “Egg donors are treated like gold, while sperm donors are perceived as a dime a dozen.”
“A pronounced double-standard exists in the way that men and women donors are valued by the fertility industry, and it can’t be explained medically or by market forces,” Almeling said. “Based on the availability of donors alone, you would expect the abundance of potential egg donors to drive down compensation fees and the scarcity of potential sperm donors to drive up their fees. But I found just the opposite."
My comments:
I found Ms. Almeling's comments and conclusions interesting as my expectations were very often the opposite of hers. While I do think sperm donors go through a longer comittment period it seems to me that egg donors are subjected to the greater inconveniences of being subjected to actual medical procedures, taking drugs that could affect their own reproductive systems down the road as compared to the men who very often are just “get[ting] paid to do what you [they] already do.” Yes I understand because men are comitted to a longer relationship to their banks they are in effect agreeing to affect their own social lives due to required "abstinences" between "donations".
I am not trying to discount the contribution of the sperm donors as I am greatful for the eventual creation of my own children but I am just surprised by the researcher's own surprise at the results of h er own study.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Parents to Decide Over Secrecy of Sperm Donors Not Birth Certificates
no. 376
The Times Online ran a story on May 18th, linked here, reporting that parents will get to decide whether to tell their children that a sperm donor was used in their conception.
This conclusion is based on the UK Department of Health not including in its draft Human Tissue & Embryos Bill a provision requiring birth certificates to indicate if a child is donor gamete conceived.
The British Association of Adopting and Fostering ("BAAF")had as recently as May 17th called "for amendments to the draft Human Tissues and Embryos Bill to ensure donor-conceived children have access to fundamental information about their identity" via notation on each donor conceived child's birth certificate.
While anyone who reads this blog knows I am favor of openess / disclosure to a DCP of their origin I must admit I am not sure where to come down on the issue of a notation on a individual's birth certificate.
Where I fully understand the purpose of what BAAF is calling for as it would compel a parent to tell, I am concerned that such a mark would lead to secondary status. I would never want my child to be envious of a star belly sneetch or feel they are one and believe it to be mark of unequality. Sorry too much Dr. Seuss in our house this week. I have always been leery of government intruding on privacy issues and this idea scares me.
I also am not sure it is the place of the government to compel parents period. Yes I understand to not tell in effect violates the DCP's right to their own history etc. I also realize it is naive of me to expect all parents to automatically plan to tell but again I have issues with privacy and perceived government intrusion. Hard questions.
The Times Online ran a story on May 18th, linked here, reporting that parents will get to decide whether to tell their children that a sperm donor was used in their conception.
This conclusion is based on the UK Department of Health not including in its draft Human Tissue & Embryos Bill a provision requiring birth certificates to indicate if a child is donor gamete conceived.
The British Association of Adopting and Fostering ("BAAF")had as recently as May 17th called "for amendments to the draft Human Tissues and Embryos Bill to ensure donor-conceived children have access to fundamental information about their identity" via notation on each donor conceived child's birth certificate.
While anyone who reads this blog knows I am favor of openess / disclosure to a DCP of their origin I must admit I am not sure where to come down on the issue of a notation on a individual's birth certificate.
Where I fully understand the purpose of what BAAF is calling for as it would compel a parent to tell, I am concerned that such a mark would lead to secondary status. I would never want my child to be envious of a star belly sneetch or feel they are one and believe it to be mark of unequality. Sorry too much Dr. Seuss in our house this week. I have always been leery of government intruding on privacy issues and this idea scares me.
I also am not sure it is the place of the government to compel parents period. Yes I understand to not tell in effect violates the DCP's right to their own history etc. I also realize it is naive of me to expect all parents to automatically plan to tell but again I have issues with privacy and perceived government intrusion. Hard questions.
Mummy, Daddy, Donor
no. 375
OK, this article, online at the Guardian Unlimited, got me. I admit it, my eyes welled up, and I almost cried. I am a sucker for this kid of story. The article, linked through the blog title above, introduces the reader to an egg donor whose eggs resulted in triplets being born to a couple living in San Francisco, CA. In what is certainly a rare occurence, the egg donor meets her genetic children and their birth parents and ends up participating, unplanned on her part, in the children's baptism. You feel the donor's emotions and when you hear the priest's words you feel the raw emotion.
I am not sure how I will internally react when my kids truly understand and ask about their donor. I don't think I could ever had thought to include the donor in the brith milah ceremony (Jewish circumcision) where my son entered into his covenant with g-d. Perhaps my thoughts would have been different if it was a known donor, but still that level of involvement may have been too much. But when I read this article I was moved by the acts of each of these individuals, the birth parents and the donor and I pray these children will process this all with the love and altrusim of the parties involved. I suspect they will. G-d I hope my own kids do someday.
Beneath the article there is a note that this story is one of several captured in the book Everthing Conceivable by Liza Mundy.
OK, this article, online at the Guardian Unlimited, got me. I admit it, my eyes welled up, and I almost cried. I am a sucker for this kid of story. The article, linked through the blog title above, introduces the reader to an egg donor whose eggs resulted in triplets being born to a couple living in San Francisco, CA. In what is certainly a rare occurence, the egg donor meets her genetic children and their birth parents and ends up participating, unplanned on her part, in the children's baptism. You feel the donor's emotions and when you hear the priest's words you feel the raw emotion.I am not sure how I will internally react when my kids truly understand and ask about their donor. I don't think I could ever had thought to include the donor in the brith milah ceremony (Jewish circumcision) where my son entered into his covenant with g-d. Perhaps my thoughts would have been different if it was a known donor, but still that level of involvement may have been too much. But when I read this article I was moved by the acts of each of these individuals, the birth parents and the donor and I pray these children will process this all with the love and altrusim of the parties involved. I suspect they will. G-d I hope my own kids do someday.
Beneath the article there is a note that this story is one of several captured in the book Everthing Conceivable by Liza Mundy.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
MD Donor Egg Surrogacy Case: No Mother Ruling
no. 374
"Ruling Alters Idea of Mother"
Md. high court finds paternity laws must apply equally to men and women
Md. high court finds paternity laws must apply equally to men and women
By Andrea F. Siegel
Sun Reporter
Originally published May 17, 2007
Sun Reporter
Originally published May 17, 2007
Full Article Linked via Post Title
Excerpts:
"A baby conceived from an egg donated by one woman and implanted in another may have no mother at all under Maryland law, the state's highest court ruled yesterday."
"The man who arranged for the children to be born from his sperm and donated eggs, and the woman with whom he arranged to carry them, brought the case. The two wanted it made clear that she had no legal claims or responsibility for the children."
"The ruling is pioneering because of its basis on the state's Equal Rights Amendment: The court found that paternity laws apply equally to men and women."
""The change is that Maryland's paternity statute - which was written to define paternity - can now be used by women in the same way to challenge maternity. That really is the main and, as I see it, significant change," said University of Baltimore law professor Barbara A. Babb, who directs the law school's Center for Families, Children and the Courts."
BBC Three: The Great Sperm Crisis (Danny Robins)
no. 373Tonight, 5/17/2007, on BBC Three at 9pm (UK time):
"When comedian and TV presenter Danny Robins travelled the country to highlight the UK's shortage of sperm donors, he was surprised to discover just how many men were prepared to pledge their support."
All kidding aside the post title is linked to a BBC article where the comments section has an interesting cross section of serious comments from former donors and other men on the topic as a whole.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
DI Movie: "Semen, Una Historia de Amor" (Semen, A Love Story).
no. 372
How's this for a DI related movie: a Spanish language comedy (subtitled in English) called "Semen, Una Historia de Amor" (Semen, A Love Story). It's about a man working in a donor insemination lab. I heard about it from a DI mom who follows this blog. I have to rent this and watch it. It almost sounds like a Roberto Bennini movie (the guy who wrote and directed Life is Beautiful ).
"A hapless technician in a donor insemination clinic meets a young, single woman and finds himself quite taken with her. Later that same day she comes to his clinic to be inseminated. After accidentally breaking her sample, he of course replaces it with his own (because he doesn't want to get in trouble). She gets pregnant, they start dating, he really wants to tell her but can't, he finds out she is a surrogate for her sister. He REALLY doesn't want her to give his baby away so he kidnaps it from the hospital but he gets the wrong baby. Now he needs to return the baby but can't figure out how. Somehow he gets an address from the other baby's records and when he goes there, it's a fire station. When he talks to them they say "Oh yes, isn't it sad that someone would abandon a baby on our doorstep." He finally confides his deception to the girl, she forgives him, the sister keeps his baby and they keep the abandoned one."
Ok, how's that for a theme for a comedy? And I was concerned about the movie "And Then Came Love" starring Vanessa Williams which at least takes the donor conception topic seriously. Yes I know this Semen movie is fiction, and apparently a screwball comedy, but I would wonder what that kid will think if told his or her conception story. "Well kid this is how your aunt and uncle (bio parents) met... "
"A hapless technician in a donor insemination clinic meets a young, single woman and finds himself quite taken with her. Later that same day she comes to his clinic to be inseminated. After accidentally breaking her sample, he of course replaces it with his own (because he doesn't want to get in trouble). She gets pregnant, they start dating, he really wants to tell her but can't, he finds out she is a surrogate for her sister. He REALLY doesn't want her to give his baby away so he kidnaps it from the hospital but he gets the wrong baby. Now he needs to return the baby but can't figure out how. Somehow he gets an address from the other baby's records and when he goes there, it's a fire station. When he talks to them they say "Oh yes, isn't it sad that someone would abandon a baby on our doorstep." He finally confides his deception to the girl, she forgives him, the sister keeps his baby and they keep the abandoned one."
Ok, how's that for a theme for a comedy? And I was concerned about the movie "And Then Came Love" starring Vanessa Williams which at least takes the donor conception topic seriously. Yes I know this Semen movie is fiction, and apparently a screwball comedy, but I would wonder what that kid will think if told his or her conception story. "Well kid this is how your aunt and uncle (bio parents) met... "
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
NY Times (5/15/07): As Demand for Donor Eggs Soars, High Prices Stir Ethical Concerns
no. 371The linked articles discusses the prices offered egg donors, the possible medical effects on the egg donors but nowhere from what I see does it address the donor conceived individuals created.
There is a stat from the CDC that in 2003 approximately 5700 babies were born from donor eggs. Interesting that the CDC collects that stat but cannot require sperm banks or clinics to report births resulting froom donor sperm (not that I think they could accurately collect that info - see prior blog post).
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Haaretz.com: USA Limits Donor Offspring to 10 ?
no. 370 Re: Serious Failures Found at [Israeli] Hospital Sperm Banks
Dear Ran Reznick:
In your article, published online 5/10/2007, regarding serious failures at Israeli sperm banks you state that "In the United States, donors are limited to 10 births to decrease the chance of incest among offspring. "
I'd like to know where you got that "fact". I know of no regulation or law that requires sperm banks to monitor live births much less pregnancies achieved. As a parent to two donor conceived children here in the USA we would love to see reform that would limit the donor conceived offspring born to a single donor but as of yet we have no legislation.
Thank you,
Eric Schwartzman
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I sent the above inquiry today to the reporter who wrote the article linked above. I would have posted my inquiry as a comment to the article but no option was provided.
Did I sleep through some major legislative pacakge here in the United States? I will give the reporter the benefit of the doubt but I don't believe we have any such legislation either at the federal or state level in the United States. But if anyone reading this knows on what basis the reporter got this info I'd love to hear it.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Donor Sperm TV Story Line Alert: Monday 5/7 at 8:30 pm EST
no. 369
Apparently the plot of tonight’s episode of this show is that Robert (Duane Martin) finds out that Neesee (LisaRaye McCoy) is planning to visit a sperm bank in order to have a baby and questions her reasoning for going through with the procedure.
I know nothing about this show and the following is from the CW website for the show:
“Returning for a fourth season, ALL OF US, the series inspired by the domestic adventures of entertainment superstars Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, reflects a new generation's enlightened attitude toward juggling ex-spouses, dating and professional lives with humor, sensitivity and heart.
Robert (Duane Martin, "Deliver Us from Eva") and Neesee James (LisaRaye McCoy, "Beauty Shop") are divorced. But that doesn't mean their complicated and sometimes stormy relationship is over. Not only do they share custody of their 6-year-old son, Bobby Jr. (Khamani Griffin, "Daddy Day Care") but for the last year, they've been sharing a house.”
I know nothing about this show and the following is from the CW website for the show:
“Returning for a fourth season, ALL OF US, the series inspired by the domestic adventures of entertainment superstars Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, reflects a new generation's enlightened attitude toward juggling ex-spouses, dating and professional lives with humor, sensitivity and heart.
Robert (Duane Martin, "Deliver Us from Eva") and Neesee James (LisaRaye McCoy, "Beauty Shop") are divorced. But that doesn't mean their complicated and sometimes stormy relationship is over. Not only do they share custody of their 6-year-old son, Bobby Jr. (Khamani Griffin, "Daddy Day Care") but for the last year, they've been sharing a house.”
diBabyGap.com - Coming to a Mall Near You ?
no. 368
I happened upon the above website diBaby.com and my immediate reaction seeing the name was to ask did I happen upon a retail site like Baby Gap? Turns out the page is an extension of the web site The Baby Corner which is an information resource and bulletin board service. But my first reaction was what the heck is this?
The site does not appear to have any direct live links back to The Baby Corner but is clearly related to it by the corporate footer at the bottom of the page. What is strange about this page is that The Baby Corner has a number of donor conception related pages, all pretty much standard definitions, basic issue stuff, so why would they feel they needed a new separate website with the name diBaby.com? I have submitted a question to them to find out more as I am curious.
I almost thought at first this was a site like the SpermCenter which is one stop shopping for sperm donors across many different cryobanks or a site for an organization similiar to The Abraham Center, the Texas based embryo adoption center which was in the news.
Maybe they'll do a promotion with the Gap where they will sell t-shirts that say diBabyGap.com? They would certainly be a attention getter and conversation starter at the neighborhood playground.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
DSR Radio Interview WBAI - 5/4/2007
no. 367 Wendy and Ryan Kramer of the Donor Sibling Registry were interviewed on Friday May 4, 2007 by a weekly radio program titled "Healthstyles" which aired at 1:00pm. The program is available to interested listeners for 89 days from today via the on-lines archives of WBAI.
Just scroll down once you link through to this page to the listing for Healthstyles on May 4th and you can enjoy their interview. For people interested in learning aboout the DSR, its founders and purposes it's a wonderful way to do so by hearing the info right from Wendy and Ryan directly.
Alec Brownstein: "Lega-Seeds" - DI Offspring of Harvard Grads
no. 366 I first saw mention of this blog piece on the DSR yahoo group thanks to Wendy. As a social dad I loved it. Link to it via this post's title.
As a parent already planning for paying for two college educations could I use the legacy systems to get my kids an edge? Could I use this info to get them into Harvard? Very amusing and worth a two minute read.
Makes me wonder what made this Alec Brownstein guy think up this story.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Manchester Evening News: Men Still Donating Sperm
no. 365
According to an article published in the UK on March 5, 2007:
"the first full-year figures from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) since the change [in the law regarding donor anonymity] show a 6% rise in the number of men registering as donors.A total of 265 new sperm donors (of which 208 were based in the UK) were registered with the HFEA in the 12 months to 31 March last year."
The full article is presented on this blog's Annex as linked through the above post title.
All I can say is that the men I speak to on the DI Dads Yahoo Discussion Group seem to indicate that locating a clinic in the UK with an available donor pool with any choices is near to impossible. That tells me more than any statistical report.
Excerpted:
"HFEA chair Shirley Harrison said: "Many commentators continue to claim that the change in the law to remove anonymity for sperm and egg donors would lead to an immediate and steep fall in the number of donors."These new figures show that the predicted drop in sperm donor numbers is a myth.""
""NGDT chair Laura Witjens welcomed the increase but said the number of donors were still far short of the estimated 500 donors needed to meet demand. .... "The most important lesson that can be learned from this is that recruiting donors can be done," she said."
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Jewish Bioethics & a Call for Access to Donor Medical Records
no. 364
In the Thursday, May 3, 2007 edition of Washington Jewish Week Online Edition staff writer Eric Fingerhut interviews Rabbi Elliott Dorff, a frequent writer on Jewish Law and Bioethics. Within the article the Rabbi called for greater access to donor medical records for donor conceived individuals. The pertinent excerpts of the article are printed below:
“Among the most important bioethical matters in the Jewish community today is infertility and the issues that arise from it, said Dorff.
With Jews getting married later in life, women have a tougher time conceiving children and couples are increasingly turning to donor sperm or eggs.
But when those children become teenagers, and want to find out "who [they] are," they can't look to their father and mother to see the exact sources, for instance, of their various personality traits.
Thus, he would like to see donor banks collect and make information available for children. He pointed out that there are some facilities already doing this, such as a
According to the article:
“[Rabbi] Dorff will be speaking on "Bioethics: A Progressive Jewish Perspective" at Adat Shalom Reconstructionist Congregation in
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Book Alert: "Tomorrow" by Graham Swift
no. 363Book Alert: Tomorrow by Graham Swift
Published by Picador
September 2007 – expected US Publish date
SPOILER ALERT
This post is not so much a book review as it is a book alert. One reason for this is I have not read the book and only heard about it today.
In short, the book is narrated by Paula, a 49 year old British wife and mother, while she lays in bed late at night next to her sleeping husband. She has a secret to tell her 16 year old twins. Now if I am writing about this book it should be obvious that the secret is that they are donor conceived. The mother recounts her and her husband’s life and everything that brought her to this point the night before she and her husband are to tell her unsuspecting children the truth.
As I cannot truly comment on the book as a literary work I thought it would be appropriate to provide excerpts of published reviewers that have read the book. My only observation is that I am not surprised that the topic has reached into popular fiction as I know that it has been addressed in earlier books. What I do find interesting are my reactions to the reviewer’s texts.
Overall it appears to me the book is a long and drawn out read about the parents’ lives which does not appear to address how they chose the donor, the thought processes behind their choice, any thought by the parents about the ramifications of using DI or why and how they determined that they would tell the children after they turned 16.
The Independent
A lovely trip to a humdrum destination
By Carol Birch
Published: 27 April 2007
“So what is the dreadful secret to be unveiled tomorrow, a revelation long ago scheduled for "after their 16th birthday"? What could possibly be so terrible that it might split asunder this close and loving family?
When the bombshell finally explodes, it does so with all the shock value of a child sticking out two fingers and shouting "bang!" Is that it? You say, and read on to the book's quiet end. Dawn, and the revelation is still to be made. What to make of it? Perhaps Paula is delusional. Is her life so content that she feels the fragility of it, and perversely has to manufacture a drama of monumental size? Mike, she says, is "like a man finding it in him to sleep on the eve of his execution". Perhaps he sleeps so soundly because there really is nothing too much to worry about.”
Eric: Nothing to worry about? If I had not told my kids until after they turned 16 and they were about to learn I was not their father I’d bet I‘d be up all night.
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The Guardian - Digested Read
John Crace
Tuesday May 1, 2007
Eric: You almost have to read the whole review (it’s quite short) as the reviewer is digesting the book more than somewhat tongue in cheek.
“I rushed home and told Mike that, consumed as I was with lust for him, I needed a child and we should try artificial insemination. Yet if I was to receive an unknown man's sperm, I needed to know what it was like to have another man inside me. At least that's the ridiculous reason I'm giving you for the unconvincing one-night stand I had with the vet. Don't worry, though, my little snails, the vet is not your father. The thing that will change your lives for ever is far duller than that. It is that your birth father was a sperm donor.
Yes, we love you as much as if you were our real children - Mike even saved you from drowning once. But can you ever forgive us, my little whelks, for him not being your real father? Will you leave us? We shall find out tomorrow. Or maybe I should just get out more.”
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Eric: The US Amazon book site had little info outside various newspaper site one line throwaway reviews for the author, previous works and the current book .
The UK Amazon book site included one personal reader review including the following comment:
“Tomorrow's event which Paula has been worrying about turns out to be a huge let-down. Sure it is a revelation which will take some getting used to, but in this day and age it is hardly unusual. Talk about making a drama out of a crisis.”
Published by Picador
September 2007 – expected US Publish date
SPOILER ALERT
This post is not so much a book review as it is a book alert. One reason for this is I have not read the book and only heard about it today.
In short, the book is narrated by Paula, a 49 year old British wife and mother, while she lays in bed late at night next to her sleeping husband. She has a secret to tell her 16 year old twins. Now if I am writing about this book it should be obvious that the secret is that they are donor conceived. The mother recounts her and her husband’s life and everything that brought her to this point the night before she and her husband are to tell her unsuspecting children the truth.
As I cannot truly comment on the book as a literary work I thought it would be appropriate to provide excerpts of published reviewers that have read the book. My only observation is that I am not surprised that the topic has reached into popular fiction as I know that it has been addressed in earlier books. What I do find interesting are my reactions to the reviewer’s texts.
Overall it appears to me the book is a long and drawn out read about the parents’ lives which does not appear to address how they chose the donor, the thought processes behind their choice, any thought by the parents about the ramifications of using DI or why and how they determined that they would tell the children after they turned 16.
The Independent
A lovely trip to a humdrum destination
By Carol Birch
Published: 27 April 2007
“So what is the dreadful secret to be unveiled tomorrow, a revelation long ago scheduled for "after their 16th birthday"? What could possibly be so terrible that it might split asunder this close and loving family?
When the bombshell finally explodes, it does so with all the shock value of a child sticking out two fingers and shouting "bang!" Is that it? You say, and read on to the book's quiet end. Dawn, and the revelation is still to be made. What to make of it? Perhaps Paula is delusional. Is her life so content that she feels the fragility of it, and perversely has to manufacture a drama of monumental size? Mike, she says, is "like a man finding it in him to sleep on the eve of his execution". Perhaps he sleeps so soundly because there really is nothing too much to worry about.”
Eric: Nothing to worry about? If I had not told my kids until after they turned 16 and they were about to learn I was not their father I’d bet I‘d be up all night.
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The Guardian - Digested Read
John Crace
Tuesday May 1, 2007
Eric: You almost have to read the whole review (it’s quite short) as the reviewer is digesting the book more than somewhat tongue in cheek.
“I rushed home and told Mike that, consumed as I was with lust for him, I needed a child and we should try artificial insemination. Yet if I was to receive an unknown man's sperm, I needed to know what it was like to have another man inside me. At least that's the ridiculous reason I'm giving you for the unconvincing one-night stand I had with the vet. Don't worry, though, my little snails, the vet is not your father. The thing that will change your lives for ever is far duller than that. It is that your birth father was a sperm donor.
Yes, we love you as much as if you were our real children - Mike even saved you from drowning once. But can you ever forgive us, my little whelks, for him not being your real father? Will you leave us? We shall find out tomorrow. Or maybe I should just get out more.”
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Eric: The US Amazon book site had little info outside various newspaper site one line throwaway reviews for the author, previous works and the current book .
The UK Amazon book site included one personal reader review including the following comment:
“Tomorrow's event which Paula has been worrying about turns out to be a huge let-down. Sure it is a revelation which will take some getting used to, but in this day and age it is hardly unusual. Talk about making a drama out of a crisis.”
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
AFA Telephone Support Group: 5/31/2007 Parenting Donor Gamete Children
no. 362
Copied entirely from American Fertility Association email :"TOPIC: Parenting Donor Gamete Children (Donor Sperm, Donor Egg, Donor Embryo).
The Disclosure Issue: If, What, When, And How".
This coaching group is accessible to you via your telephone.
It is appropriate for couples and individuals who
- Are considering the use of donor sperm, egg, or embryo to create their children
- Are already parenting children created by donor sperm, egg, or embryo
During this one hour group conference call, you will have the opportunity to receive information on:
- The pros and cons of disclosure to children of their genetic origin
- What and when to share this information with children if you so choose
- If and how to share this information with family and friends
When:
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Time:
9:00 PM to 10:00 p.m. PM, EST
Facilitators:
Joann Paley Galst, Ph.D. and Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W
NO FEE for AFA MEMBERS !
For more information, and to register, contact:
Joann Galst (jgalst@aol.com or 212-759-2783)
or Patricia Mendell (pmendell@aol.com or 212-819-1778)
Monday, April 30, 2007
Dear Would-Be DI Dad To Be
no. 361
Linked through the title to this post is a letter written by Walter Merricks, one of the founders of the DC Network, to woudl be DI Dads. It was one of the first writings I read about donor conception when I started researching on line about the topic (after my kids were already born).
The letter was part of a series of letters written by DC Network associated individuals. It's an excellent starting point for any man looking at DI. To see the series go to the DC Network, link through to Library / Booklists / Planning a Family Leaflets.
The letter was part of a series of letters written by DC Network associated individuals. It's an excellent starting point for any man looking at DI. To see the series go to the DC Network, link through to Library / Booklists / Planning a Family Leaflets.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Ethics: Donor Gametes - In General and Between Parents and Children
no. 360
There was an interesting Opinion piece published in the April 27, 2007 Ottawa Citizen that I learned about due to Diane Allen's posting about it on the Yahoo DSR Discussion group. It was an opinion piece regarding the ethics of donor gametes. The piece was written in response to the news story regarding the freezing of a mother's ova (eggs) for later use by her daughter who is infertile. An interesting piece. I admit I need to read through it again to fully absorb it. The author is Margaret Somerville who is founding director of the McGill Centre for Medicine, Ethics and Law.
I have presented the full article on this blog's Annex but at risk of being accused of publishing spoilers the last three paragraphs of the article are:
"Ova freezing is just one more example that raises the broad question: How should we deal ethically with scientific advances in reproductive technologies? I propose that all these technologies must be ethically evaluated primarily through the lens of the children who will result from their use.
That lens requires that, at the very least, we first do no harm to those children; that we respect their fundamental human rights to come into being from natural biological origins; and that we act in their "best interests," in particular, in preserving their natural genetic relationships.
Except for concern about physical risks to children from using reproductive technologies, the focus up to now has been almost entirely on the rights of adults, who want to have a child, to use these technologies -- that is, only the adult lens has been used. That has caused a failure to consider, in the depth and breath required, both what ethics requires with respect to the children conceived through the use of reproductive technologies and the fundamental human rights of those children with respect to their coming into being."
I don't think anyone will be surprised by her conclusions but I do think the entire piece worth reading to understand her reasoning.
There was an interesting Opinion piece published in the April 27, 2007 Ottawa Citizen that I learned about due to Diane Allen's posting about it on the Yahoo DSR Discussion group. It was an opinion piece regarding the ethics of donor gametes. The piece was written in response to the news story regarding the freezing of a mother's ova (eggs) for later use by her daughter who is infertile. An interesting piece. I admit I need to read through it again to fully absorb it. The author is Margaret Somerville who is founding director of the McGill Centre for Medicine, Ethics and Law.
I have presented the full article on this blog's Annex but at risk of being accused of publishing spoilers the last three paragraphs of the article are:
"Ova freezing is just one more example that raises the broad question: How should we deal ethically with scientific advances in reproductive technologies? I propose that all these technologies must be ethically evaluated primarily through the lens of the children who will result from their use.
That lens requires that, at the very least, we first do no harm to those children; that we respect their fundamental human rights to come into being from natural biological origins; and that we act in their "best interests," in particular, in preserving their natural genetic relationships.
Except for concern about physical risks to children from using reproductive technologies, the focus up to now has been almost entirely on the rights of adults, who want to have a child, to use these technologies -- that is, only the adult lens has been used. That has caused a failure to consider, in the depth and breath required, both what ethics requires with respect to the children conceived through the use of reproductive technologies and the fundamental human rights of those children with respect to their coming into being."
I don't think anyone will be surprised by her conclusions but I do think the entire piece worth reading to understand her reasoning.
Friday, April 27, 2007
AFA Infertility Conference: Donor Conception Sessions
no. 359
This weekend, on Sunday April 29th, the American Fertility Association is hosting the annual Family Matters, the National Fertility and Adoption Conference at the Grand Hyatt Hotel in New York City .
On the conference agenda are a few workshops available (during the many breakout sessions) addressing donor conception. I am hoping to at the last minute be able to attend but I don’t expect it to happen. These are the session titles as noted in their program (linked above):
Session 1 Workshops include: (9:55 – 10:55)
>Panel Discussion on Next Steps – Donor Egg, Embryo Donation, Sperm Donation, Surrogacy or Adoption [Steve Snyder, Esq., Elizabeth Swire Falker, Esq., Nanette Elster, Esq., Aaron Britvan, Esq.; and Daniel Becker, Esq. (Moderator)]
Session 2 Workshops include: (11:00 – 12:00)
>Donors are People Too – A Panel of Ovum Donors [Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W., B.C.D. (Moderator)]
Special Conference Event: (4:05 – 5:05)
>To Pay Or Not To Pay: The Great Donor Compensation Debate [Jamie A. Grifo, M.D., Ph.D.]
I actually do want to attend but know my wife will want me to stay home.
On the conference agenda are a few workshops available (during the many breakout sessions) addressing donor conception. I am hoping to at the last minute be able to attend but I don’t expect it to happen. These are the session titles as noted in their program (linked above):
Session 1 Workshops include: (9:55 – 10:55)
>Panel Discussion on Next Steps – Donor Egg, Embryo Donation, Sperm Donation, Surrogacy or Adoption [Steve Snyder, Esq., Elizabeth Swire Falker, Esq., Nanette Elster, Esq., Aaron Britvan, Esq.; and Daniel Becker, Esq. (Moderator)]
Session 2 Workshops include: (11:00 – 12:00)
>Donors are People Too – A Panel of Ovum Donors [Patricia Mendell, L.C.S.W., B.C.D. (Moderator)]
Special Conference Event: (4:05 – 5:05)
>To Pay Or Not To Pay: The Great Donor Compensation Debate [Jamie A. Grifo, M.D., Ph.D.]
I actually do want to attend but know my wife will want me to stay home.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
DSR & Univ of Cambridge: Survey Regarding Donor Conception
no. 358The Donor Sibling Registry in conjunction with the University of Cambridge Centre for Family Research has launched a large scale survey and study of those DSR members looking to answer questions, anonymously, regarding their thoughts, feelings, and experiences regarding donor conception.
DSR members must log into the DSR site and then they can link into the actial survey. It took about 20 minutes. The questions are for the most part multiple choice with sections allowing for added comments.
Considering the DSR has over 7800 members even if only 10% respond it would represent a major study in this area. To my understanding the survey is open to any DSR member including donor conceived individual, bio and social parents, and / or donors.
Friday, April 20, 2007
BBC One Drama 4/20 "All About Me"
no. 357
BBC One Program Reminder for 2:05 pm on Friday April 20, 2007
Link to my original post to see a synopsis of the one hour drama inspired by the changing DI / AI laws in the UK. For additional details link here to the PDF document posted by the DC Network about the program.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Vanessa Williams "And Then Came Love" - Sperm Donor Search Movie (with additional comments)
no. 356
The release date for this movie has been announced as June 1, 2007 (per IMDB) The blog post links to the site of the production company Fox Meadow Films which merely states to expect a Summer release.
Recall that the earlier working titles for this movie were in most recent first order: "Somebody Like You" and "Who Needs 'Em?". My bet was that the first title could be seen as anti-men and that's why it was dropped.
The brief synopsis for this movie per the official website is as follows:
"Julie (mid 40s), a successful Manhattan columnist believes she has it all - a great job, a rent controlled apartment, a boyfriend and best of all, an adorable six-year-old son named Jake.
Her perfect world, however, is rocked when she’s called in for an emergency parent-teacher conference and learns that her son has been acting up, needs to be ‘tested’ and is on the brink of expulsion. Julie places genetic blame on Jake’s father whom she does not know as Jake was conceived through an anonymous donor. Through a private investigator, Julie is able to learn the identity of the donor and meets him. Julie has neither intention nor desire to reveal her identity to him, she simply needs to check her sources, get the facts, and move on."
There is a lot more to the plot which you can read on their site. Obviously this movie is romantic coomedy movie with serious undertones. Until we see it and read the script it is hard to tell if they address the issues of donor conception as more than just a mechanical vehicle to take us from the donor once found to the love interest / father figure for the child created.
UPDATED COMMENTS:
When I posted the above text earlier I did not see the trailer posted on the movie site linked through the post title. It looks cute and I apparently mischaracterized the premise as it appears that the mom apparently starts falling for the donor while at the same time a relationship develops between the child and the donor (even though both child and donor don't yet know the reality of their connection). Yes I am probably giving too much of the story away but I am not saying anything that their synopsis doesn't say itself.
What I am concerned about is whether this movie will make kids born into Choice Mom families start saying where is my bio father? Granted in this story the mom is a single heterosexual so the fantasy of the child's mom finding and falling for the donor is possible. Also what message does that send to children born to married mothers (like mine)? Will my kids look for me to be displaced? Probably not but it adds to the fears of DI Dads. And what of kids born into families where the mom may be lesbian and there is no chance of mom falling for dad?
OK, I realize this movie is not meant to answer the really hard questions but you wonder what level of responsibility the writers felt if any to the larger donor conception community. I'd love to interview the them and ask.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
TV's "Brothers & Sisters" & One DI Dad & Two Donors
no. 355
Julie over at DI Mom summarizes what is happening on the ABC drama "Brothers & Sisters". It seems that the show has taken on DI as a story line and has involved three of the shows featured siblings. Julie also quite eloquently states her concerns about this story line as a parent of a DI conceived child.
Will TV get it right or will they get it wrong? Is this the type of exposure we want for this issue or not?
I want to know how I can get the infertile dad character to join the DI Dad's Yahoo group.
Let Julie know your thoughts on her blog and I'd like to hear yours as well.
Julie over at DI Mom summarizes what is happening on the ABC drama "Brothers & Sisters". It seems that the show has taken on DI as a story line and has involved three of the shows featured siblings. Julie also quite eloquently states her concerns about this story line as a parent of a DI conceived child.
Will TV get it right or will they get it wrong? Is this the type of exposure we want for this issue or not?
I want to know how I can get the infertile dad character to join the DI Dad's Yahoo group.
Let Julie know your thoughts on her blog and I'd like to hear yours as well.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Oregon Man Deemed Donor - No Rights to Sperm Mistakenly Provided to Second Couple
no. 354
"Judge says accidental sperm donor has no right to know if he's a father"
Posted by The Oregonian April 16, 2007 15:56PM
-- Ashbel S. Green
Excerpts:
"A Portland man whose sperm was inadvertently given to a Salem-area woman has no right to find out whether he is a father, a Multnomah County judge has ruled.
Circuit Judge Henry Kantor said he was not finished writing his opinion, but wanted the parties to know his decision because it had been so long - nearly seven months - since they argued the case before him.The man, who sued for a paternity test under the initials M.H., claimed that he produced a sperm sample at Oregon Health & Science University's fertility clinic in September to impregnate his fiancee. The same day, a Marion County couple that had struggled to start a family was visiting the clinic. A mix-up occurred, and clinic workers gave M.H.'s sperm sample to the woman."
"Michael G. Smith, the attorney for the Marion County couple, praised the decision. He said he expected M.H. to appeal. "I think essentially what they would be doing is to ask the Oregon Court of Appeals to declare Oregon's artificial insemination statute unconstitutional, which is a tall order," Smith said"
Full text of the Oregonian article at the Annex.
My Opinion:
I can understand the plight of the couple given the sperm by mistake but I think the judge got the decision wrong. I'll have to wait to see the written opinion once it is public but to me it appears the decision has a fatal flaw.
I have posted the Oregon statute on the Annex but it essentially says a Donor has no rights to the children created by the donated sperm. [Oregon State Law Section 109.239].
The flaw as I see it is that the intent of the plaintoff was never to be a donor but that his sperm only be used with respect to his wife so how did he become reclassified as a donor? If he is not a donor his rights should not be cut off. I disagree with the defendant's attorney. The appeal does not have to invalidate the law but it does have to attack the application of the law to this plaintiff.
"Judge says accidental sperm donor has no right to know if he's a father"
Posted by The Oregonian April 16, 2007 15:56PM
-- Ashbel S. Green
Excerpts:
"A Portland man whose sperm was inadvertently given to a Salem-area woman has no right to find out whether he is a father, a Multnomah County judge has ruled.
Circuit Judge Henry Kantor said he was not finished writing his opinion, but wanted the parties to know his decision because it had been so long - nearly seven months - since they argued the case before him.The man, who sued for a paternity test under the initials M.H., claimed that he produced a sperm sample at Oregon Health & Science University's fertility clinic in September to impregnate his fiancee. The same day, a Marion County couple that had struggled to start a family was visiting the clinic. A mix-up occurred, and clinic workers gave M.H.'s sperm sample to the woman."
"Michael G. Smith, the attorney for the Marion County couple, praised the decision. He said he expected M.H. to appeal. "I think essentially what they would be doing is to ask the Oregon Court of Appeals to declare Oregon's artificial insemination statute unconstitutional, which is a tall order," Smith said"
Full text of the Oregonian article at the Annex.
My Opinion:
I can understand the plight of the couple given the sperm by mistake but I think the judge got the decision wrong. I'll have to wait to see the written opinion once it is public but to me it appears the decision has a fatal flaw.
I have posted the Oregon statute on the Annex but it essentially says a Donor has no rights to the children created by the donated sperm. [Oregon State Law Section 109.239].
The flaw as I see it is that the intent of the plaintoff was never to be a donor but that his sperm only be used with respect to his wife so how did he become reclassified as a donor? If he is not a donor his rights should not be cut off. I disagree with the defendant's attorney. The appeal does not have to invalidate the law but it does have to attack the application of the law to this plaintiff.
Friday, April 13, 2007
My wife is having another man's twins - and I could not be happier
no. 353
by MORAG TURNER
Daily Mail
Last updated at 23:42pm on 12th April 2007
"Richard and Sandra Woolven were looking forward to starting a family. But after a year of trying to conceive, they were horrified to learn that Richard had a zero sperm count, making it impossible for him to have children.
The couple, who live in Worcester, decided to have fertility treatment using a sperm donor. Now Sandra, 27, a sales manager, is 35 weeks' pregnant with twins. Here, Richard, 30, a software developer, talks about his mixed emotions as he approaches fatherhood... "
I will post the entire arrticle in this blog's Annex later today. For now the article is linked via the above title.
You can check out Richard's personal journey via his blog:
http://the-end-of-my-line.blogspot.com/
by MORAG TURNER
Daily Mail
Last updated at 23:42pm on 12th April 2007
"Richard and Sandra Woolven were looking forward to starting a family. But after a year of trying to conceive, they were horrified to learn that Richard had a zero sperm count, making it impossible for him to have children.
The couple, who live in Worcester, decided to have fertility treatment using a sperm donor. Now Sandra, 27, a sales manager, is 35 weeks' pregnant with twins. Here, Richard, 30, a software developer, talks about his mixed emotions as he approaches fatherhood... "
I will post the entire arrticle in this blog's Annex later today. For now the article is linked via the above title.
You can check out Richard's personal journey via his blog:
http://the-end-of-my-line.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Who Did We Tell Again? Should We Tell Anyone Else?
no. 352
There is a problem with telling. Not with regards to telling your kids as they have a right to know. What I am refering to is telling only select segments of your friends and family. The problem is you tend to forget who you have told and who you haven't.
I got home from attending the NY Mets home opener at Shea Stadium and my wife asked me if had told my college friends, at least the core group, of our kid's conception story. My reply was I think so but wasn't wholly sure. I knew I had told at least the friend who was our best man at our wedding. Beyond that I think I told the other guys, but to be honest I wasn't wholly sure. Thinking about it now I am not even sure why she asked me this question.
For the most part I am sure 99% sure none of our friends and family would care or even blink at their conception story but at this point I am prone to not tell anyone else as it is my son and daughter's story to share or not share.
There is a problem with telling. Not with regards to telling your kids as they have a right to know. What I am refering to is telling only select segments of your friends and family. The problem is you tend to forget who you have told and who you haven't.
I got home from attending the NY Mets home opener at Shea Stadium and my wife asked me if had told my college friends, at least the core group, of our kid's conception story. My reply was I think so but wasn't wholly sure. I knew I had told at least the friend who was our best man at our wedding. Beyond that I think I told the other guys, but to be honest I wasn't wholly sure. Thinking about it now I am not even sure why she asked me this question.
For the most part I am sure 99% sure none of our friends and family would care or even blink at their conception story but at this point I am prone to not tell anyone else as it is my son and daughter's story to share or not share.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
"All About Me" New BBC Drama Exploring Donor Conception, The Search For Identity, And The Nature Of Family
no. 351
The above named drama will premier on Friday April 20th On BBC 1 At 2.05pm.
Medical News Today
Article Date: 03 Apr 2007 - 11:00 PDT
"ALL ABOUT ME by Malcolm Campbell explores donor insemination, genetic inheritance and the damage of secrets and lies.
The drama was inspired by recent changes in the laws regarding donor anonymity for sperm and egg donors. Donor conceived children now have the right [in the UK] to trace their donor parents, just as adopted children do."
"ALL ABOUT ME comes from triple BAFTA award-winning indie Resource Base, commissioned by BBC Education and BBC Daytime in a first co-production."
If anyone can secure a copy of this drama or provide a review once it airs I'd be interested to hear about it. We have yet to see a serious take on donor conception on TV or in the movies here in the US. It is presumed that the Vanessa William movie will be more serious than "Made in America" ever was but is still being promoted as less than a hard core drama from what I have seen.
The above named drama will premier on Friday April 20th On BBC 1 At 2.05pm.
Medical News Today
Article Date: 03 Apr 2007 - 11:00 PDT
"ALL ABOUT ME by Malcolm Campbell explores donor insemination, genetic inheritance and the damage of secrets and lies.
The drama was inspired by recent changes in the laws regarding donor anonymity for sperm and egg donors. Donor conceived children now have the right [in the UK] to trace their donor parents, just as adopted children do."
"ALL ABOUT ME comes from triple BAFTA award-winning indie Resource Base, commissioned by BBC Education and BBC Daytime in a first co-production."
If anyone can secure a copy of this drama or provide a review once it airs I'd be interested to hear about it. We have yet to see a serious take on donor conception on TV or in the movies here in the US. It is presumed that the Vanessa William movie will be more serious than "Made in America" ever was but is still being promoted as less than a hard core drama from what I have seen.
Explaining Passover to a Five Year Old & Matching Donor Backgrounds
no. 350
This week we have been celebrating Passover so that means not only not eating bread products but also due to the fact that we are of Ashkenazi descent we also do not eat rice and other products where the product "rises" even though the product does not contain yeast or is defined as "Chametz".
My son, this evening on day 5, for dinner asked for a PBJ sandwich at which point we again asked him if he understood why we have not been having bread and that his PBJ would have to be on matzah. At which point my wife added if we were Sephardic we could at least have had rice. My son latching onto that wanted rice.
My response was unfortunately both I and his donor were of ashkenazi descent so he was out of luck no matter what and he should just eat his PBJ on his matzah and like it. He seemed to accept that and just enjoyed his matzah sandwich.
This week we have been celebrating Passover so that means not only not eating bread products but also due to the fact that we are of Ashkenazi descent we also do not eat rice and other products where the product "rises" even though the product does not contain yeast or is defined as "Chametz".
My son, this evening on day 5, for dinner asked for a PBJ sandwich at which point we again asked him if he understood why we have not been having bread and that his PBJ would have to be on matzah. At which point my wife added if we were Sephardic we could at least have had rice. My son latching onto that wanted rice.
My response was unfortunately both I and his donor were of ashkenazi descent so he was out of luck no matter what and he should just eat his PBJ on his matzah and like it. He seemed to accept that and just enjoyed his matzah sandwich.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
UK NGDT Chair Defends “Give a Toss” Sperm Donor Campaign
no. 349The entire text is posted at this blog’s Annex.
Excerpts:
“The National Gamete Donation Trust (NGDT) has never believed that removal of anonymity in the UK caused the decline in sperm donor numbers. As we said in a previous BioNews commentary: 'It is important to remember that, with or without the removal of anonymity, there have never been enough gamete donors in the UK to meet the demand. One of the main problems continues to be lack of awareness' (BioNews, 7 August 2006).”
“We do not believe that this campaign affects the altruistic nature of donation, that is, the kindness of the kind man. No one will donate because they think our campaign is funny; only those who take the bait, read on and get the message. Potential sperm donors that contact the National Office receive a full information pack with practical, legal and medical information. Initial follow-up calls suggest that these men did get the message, and a substantial percentage have actually decided to go on and contact a clinic. Regardless of what message made the potential sperm donor contact a clinic or the NGDT, we believe a donor is a very special, caring and committed person.”
My Observations:
Laura and the folks at NGDT from what I have seen and read are truly trying to help those families looking to avail themselves of ART via donor conception. I have not seen any news pieces on the campaign as of yet here in the United States and I am quite curious what kind of reaction it would get.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
NYMag: Israeli Donor Egg Farming
no. 348By Kira Peikoff
NY Magazine
April 9, 2007
"There is a shortage of Jewish in vitro eggs. Hopeful parents are turning to the Promised Land. "
“Here’s a riddle for your rabbi: If your baby is born from in vitro fertilization, and the donated egg isn’t from a Jewish woman, is the baby really Jewish? Although different branches of Judaism have different answers—Reform says it’s about how the kid’s raised; Orthodox rabbis tend to believe a conversion is necessary—many parents want to make sure their child is a member of the tribe down to its DNA. The problem is there aren’t enough Jewish eggs to go around. So a new type of yenta has arrived on the IVF scene who finds suitable donors, usually from Israel, to match with Americans seeking to become pregnant.”
My observations:
As the full article notes “Israelis may identify more strongly with infertile couples because of their society’s strong pressure to reproduce”. Based on Rachel’s site and other information I have seen IVF and related ART techniques are much more common and accepted in Israel based on societal pressure. My only concerns, beyond the normal issues surrounding the donor conceived created, is whether the women donating are putting aside their health issues and risks for a chance at the money offered. The article certainly closes on the exorbitant monies they can earn.
Saturday, March 31, 2007
"My Fears" - Second Submission to International Infertility Film Festival
no. 347
I actually filmed this video for the IIFF before putting the montage together. In summary I am reading about two pages straight out of essay in the Voices of Donor Conception book Behind Closed Doors: Moving Beyond Secrecy and Shame.
I am the only donor conception (with child) piece in the festival that I know of. For other videos submitted please visit: www.infertilityfilmfestival.com
I actually filmed this video for the IIFF before putting the montage together. In summary I am reading about two pages straight out of essay in the Voices of Donor Conception book Behind Closed Doors: Moving Beyond Secrecy and Shame.
I am the only donor conception (with child) piece in the festival that I know of. For other videos submitted please visit: www.infertilityfilmfestival.com
Friday, March 30, 2007
"My World" - One of Two International Infertility Film Festival Submissions
no. 346
This video can also be seen on YouTube by clicking here. For links to other submissions to the International Infertility Film Festival click here .
You can also go to the link www.InfertilityFilmFestival.blogspot.com.
I am currently uploading what was my supposed to be my first submission to YouTube now.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
May 2007 Conference re New and Reproductive Technologies
no. 345
"Nobody's Child, Everybody's Children"
I don't know a whole lot about this conference and whether it will present all sides of the issues surrounding donor conception. But it does appear, from the agenda, to be quite comprehensive. I do know that Mikki Morrisette is to be part of a parents panel.
For more information click here or go to:
http://www.mala.ca/nrgt/index.asp
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Give A Toss: Further Reactions
no. 344
In response to my post 342 I received the following e-mail from Eric Blyth, who co-authored the BioNews commentary on the Give A Toss Campaign. I have published the full text of the commentary on the Annex as well as an earlier BioNews October 2006 commentary discussing earlier efforts at increasing the number of donors in the UK following the law change abolishing donor anonymity.
Hi Eric
We met in Toronto in 2005 at a conference organised by Diane Allen you may recall.
I am one of the authors of the BioNews commentary that is critical of the NGDT "Give A Toss" campaign.
I tried to contribute a comment on your blog, but it required a Google password that I don't have.
Clearly, we have different views on the "Give A Toss" campaign. Fair enough, it's a free world. Like you I don't believe the campaign set out to disrespect people, but that's what it does.
I was also sorry to see that you had chosen to repeat that assertion that:
"the switch disallowing donor anonymity in the UK resulted in a severe drop in men donating sperm for use by couples and individuals looking to conceive children."
"All" reports do not confirm this, as we pointed out in the BioNews Commentary.
Had you undertaken more thorough research before making your own comments you would have found otherwise.
We also drew attention to the work that has been undertaken in Manchester to recruit identifiable donors to positive effect.
Yours Sincerely
Eric Blyth CQSW BA MA PhD
Professor of Social Work
University of Huddersfield
Queensgate"
I will admit I am no expert in the determination that the law abolishing donor anonymity was the sole cause, the leading cause, or even a contributing factor in the drop in the number of UK donors. My printing the statement refered to was prompted by reactions I received from reading many UK news articles online (tabloid and mainstream media) and even the comments I believe from Richard's blog that no donors were to be found anywhere in Britian.
As for my views of the campain I believe I made it clear that while I was amused at the concept I had felt it was a risky venture and I recognized that the campaign could be / would be offensive to some. I also stated that it appeared that the NGDT took on this tack only because they felt alternative efforts were not working. The October 2006 BioNews commentary referred to above and in the current BioNews commentary the writers (Eric Blyth and Irene Ryll) apparently feel and point to proof that alternative do exist and have worked. Not being part of the NGDT I can't say how their decision was made to go ahead with Give A Toss just that they did and felt warranted to do so. I still think it was a gutsy move as they must have realized the possible impact.
In the last day since I posted my initial reactions to the Give A Toss campaign I traded emails with Olivia Montuschi of the Donor Conception Network as I wanted her reaction to the campaign and the site. In short her reaction was one of fear that the site and the NGDT campaign may have set back by years the work done (by the DCN, the NGDT and others) trying to erase the stigma of what donating is seen as, the view of donors, and consequently the view of donor conceived persons.
It is this last part of the equation that I worry about I guess. If the current campaign results in additonal or reinforced stigna attached to the persons created by the DI process it becomes a question of was it worth it. Certainly for the added families who end up conceiving a child the answer for them will be yes but again that looks at the whole puzzle from the parents perspective and not the individuals created.
I am not trying to walk both sides of the fence here ...I am only trying to think things out as they hit me. I am certainly no professional pundit but I also realize as one of the few individuals who focuses his writing on the topic of donor conception this blog keeps coming up on Google searches on the topic and that requires me to record my views honestly and to write responsibly.
In response to my post 342 I received the following e-mail from Eric Blyth, who co-authored the BioNews commentary on the Give A Toss Campaign. I have published the full text of the commentary on the Annex as well as an earlier BioNews October 2006 commentary discussing earlier efforts at increasing the number of donors in the UK following the law change abolishing donor anonymity.
Hi Eric
We met in Toronto in 2005 at a conference organised by Diane Allen you may recall.
I am one of the authors of the BioNews commentary that is critical of the NGDT "Give A Toss" campaign.
I tried to contribute a comment on your blog, but it required a Google password that I don't have.
Clearly, we have different views on the "Give A Toss" campaign. Fair enough, it's a free world. Like you I don't believe the campaign set out to disrespect people, but that's what it does.
I was also sorry to see that you had chosen to repeat that assertion that:
"the switch disallowing donor anonymity in the UK resulted in a severe drop in men donating sperm for use by couples and individuals looking to conceive children."
"All" reports do not confirm this, as we pointed out in the BioNews Commentary.
Had you undertaken more thorough research before making your own comments you would have found otherwise.
We also drew attention to the work that has been undertaken in Manchester to recruit identifiable donors to positive effect.
Yours Sincerely
Eric Blyth CQSW BA MA PhD
Professor of Social Work
University of Huddersfield
Queensgate"
I will admit I am no expert in the determination that the law abolishing donor anonymity was the sole cause, the leading cause, or even a contributing factor in the drop in the number of UK donors. My printing the statement refered to was prompted by reactions I received from reading many UK news articles online (tabloid and mainstream media) and even the comments I believe from Richard's blog that no donors were to be found anywhere in Britian.
As for my views of the campain I believe I made it clear that while I was amused at the concept I had felt it was a risky venture and I recognized that the campaign could be / would be offensive to some. I also stated that it appeared that the NGDT took on this tack only because they felt alternative efforts were not working. The October 2006 BioNews commentary referred to above and in the current BioNews commentary the writers (Eric Blyth and Irene Ryll) apparently feel and point to proof that alternative do exist and have worked. Not being part of the NGDT I can't say how their decision was made to go ahead with Give A Toss just that they did and felt warranted to do so. I still think it was a gutsy move as they must have realized the possible impact.
In the last day since I posted my initial reactions to the Give A Toss campaign I traded emails with Olivia Montuschi of the Donor Conception Network as I wanted her reaction to the campaign and the site. In short her reaction was one of fear that the site and the NGDT campaign may have set back by years the work done (by the DCN, the NGDT and others) trying to erase the stigma of what donating is seen as, the view of donors, and consequently the view of donor conceived persons.
It is this last part of the equation that I worry about I guess. If the current campaign results in additonal or reinforced stigna attached to the persons created by the DI process it becomes a question of was it worth it. Certainly for the added families who end up conceiving a child the answer for them will be yes but again that looks at the whole puzzle from the parents perspective and not the individuals created.
I am not trying to walk both sides of the fence here ...I am only trying to think things out as they hit me. I am certainly no professional pundit but I also realize as one of the few individuals who focuses his writing on the topic of donor conception this blog keeps coming up on Google searches on the topic and that requires me to record my views honestly and to write responsibly.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Donor Conceived as TV Character Back-story
no. 343
As reported on the March 19, 2007 MovieWeb.com TV News webpage:
"Kyle Bornheimer, Jonathan Chase and Rick Hall have boarded the CW's comedy pilot Dash 4 Cash, which is set behind the scenes of a racing reality competition series; Bornheimer will play a twentysomething odd duck who joined the race after tracking down his sperm donor father and demanding a place in the family. Chase will play another contestant in the race who has issues with his father (Hall)."
It will be interesting to see how this show plays the DI conceived story as comedy or a fact to give this character some depth. I don't know the actors so I am unsure what their histories are. As reality shows seem to be fading somewhat and given the failed attempt of The Sperm Donor it is unlikely any of us will ever see this show on the CW prime time schedule.
As reported on the March 19, 2007 MovieWeb.com TV News webpage:
"Kyle Bornheimer, Jonathan Chase and Rick Hall have boarded the CW's comedy pilot Dash 4 Cash, which is set behind the scenes of a racing reality competition series; Bornheimer will play a twentysomething odd duck who joined the race after tracking down his sperm donor father and demanding a place in the family. Chase will play another contestant in the race who has issues with his father (Hall)."
It will be interesting to see how this show plays the DI conceived story as comedy or a fact to give this character some depth. I don't know the actors so I am unsure what their histories are. As reality shows seem to be fading somewhat and given the failed attempt of The Sperm Donor it is unlikely any of us will ever see this show on the CW prime time schedule.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
NGDT's "Give a Toss" Sperm Donor Campaign
no. 342 The UK National Gamete Donor Trust has embarked on what is probably their most ambitious and most controversial campaign to recruit new sperm donors. The campaign titled "Give a Toss" linked here and above and as evidenced by the image quite racy and has been designed to obviously attract attention in markets they have not been able to reach previously with their message.
According to all reports the switch disallowing donor anonymity in the UK resulted in a severe drop in men donating sperm for use by couples and individuals looking to conceive children. This new campaign by the NGDT is another attempt to reverse that trend. The goal obviously using humor and sex is to bring men to the door and then to seriously discuss what it means to be a donor and the possibilities that their donations can provide couples.
As soon as I saw a link to the campaign site in Richard's blog I e-mailed Laura Witjens of the NGDT with my reactions and in her replies she herself noted that the campaign has stirred things up and already resulted in 46 registrations which may not translate into 46 donors but it represents a start. Laura indicated that 46 may seem a small number but that number is usually their best count for 2 to 3 weeks as compared to the much shorter period that this campaign has been active.
BioNews critiqued the campaign in a recent commentary where they felt that the campaign was tacky and only reinforces the negative image of sperm donation. I would expect that many of the donor conceived persons out there will have similar reactions and be quick to denounce the campaign. I do not believe the campaign was designed with any disrespect to donor conceived persons in any way. It may be interpreted that way and feelings may be hurt but I am sure the idea was solely the most expeditious way to get the message out as loudly as they could that there is a lack of donors.
I, myself, found the site in of itself quite humorous. The game and a few of the scrolling "facts" crossed a few lines farther than I would have dared but I think the NGDT is really trying to fulfill their mandate and believes it is time to take drastic measures to fulfill its goal of helping families affected by the lack of available donors. I believe the fact that they are trying to be inventive, even risking severe criticism, shows that the situation is dire from their perspective.
I wish the "Give a Toss" site had a more direct link to the more serious NGDT website as while the "Give a Toss" site is obviously tongue in cheek it may help to temper the reactions and remind men of why they are being asked to donate. The "facts" link has some info but could use a bit more but perhaps to do would have weakened the "shock" value of the overall concept.
For those individuals and entities that state there are better ways of attracting donors they should volunteer their time and efforts to the NGDT. From what I have seen, this campaign while risky, has been the best effort to date to attract widespread attention. Granted not all of it will be good, there will be some backlash, but as I was recently told when the canoe is already headed towards a waterfall you give its occupants the biggest paddle you can find and hope for the best.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Blogs Against Donor Conception
no. 341
It’s been a while since I have highlighted blogs which address donor conception as an avenue to family creation to be avoided. So here are two I have not highlighted previously.
One such site is Children Have Rights – Say No to Reprotech. The blogger Veronica Thomas has many strong opinions but provides little opportunity for discussion of both sides to any topic she focuses on but she does address many of the relevant topics worthy of discussion. Veronica critiqued My DI Dad blog back in January 2007 without holding back any thoughts which can be linked to here. Veronica is quite passionate in her views and posts yet we never learn of her connection or interest in the topic (to my knowledge) except for belief that it is wrong.
Another anti – donor conception site is one created by former donor Michael Linden of
I have never stated, to my knowledge, that I am pro donor conception. I believe my views have always been that it is the path we chose and today my blog exists to explore my thoughts on being a DI Dad and to present info as I find it on the topic. If that is seen as pro-donor conception so be it. As I wrote in a post to the DI Dads Yahoo group today one of my purposes is also to discuss as a DI Dad how we address DI with our kids to help them process their conception and life story. I also try to provide interested parties access to topical resources so they can make their decisions accordingly. Do I wish other couples, individuals success if they have decided to use DI, yes I do. Do I actively counsel couples not to use DI....no I do not. Again if that is seen as by default my being pro-donor conception so be it. My wife and I made our decision others have to make that same decision. May G-d help us help our children live with those decisions.
Friday, March 16, 2007
PC Crashed - No New Posts Until Next Week
no. 340
I know I have not been posting as frequently lately and for that I apologize.
This week our home PC crashed in an ugly fashion but I had backed up all our photos and videos a short 20 minutes earlier so I am not totally crazed by this (although I am) as I know I have not lost these memories forever. I will say buy a back up drive (i,e, Maxtor or whatever)immediately if you have not made other arrangements and have all those photos and personal records off your base PC.
The DI Dads book is going slowly as only a few dads have submitted essays to me. My video submission to the IIFF has stalled. I may just video me talking for a few moments. I had hoped once I updated my PC (yes that is when it crashed, tragic I know) I could then download MovieMaker and really get into my submission.
Sometimes my nickname of Charlie Brown appears accurate. At least I am able to forward my and my wife's e-mail to my blackberry. Feel free to say hello. I can't even moderate the DI Dads Yahoo group this weekend although between my two moderators I figure it has some coverage. Max, Bob - Please look in on the group this weekend if you can?
I know I have not been posting as frequently lately and for that I apologize.
This week our home PC crashed in an ugly fashion but I had backed up all our photos and videos a short 20 minutes earlier so I am not totally crazed by this (although I am) as I know I have not lost these memories forever. I will say buy a back up drive (i,e, Maxtor or whatever)immediately if you have not made other arrangements and have all those photos and personal records off your base PC.
The DI Dads book is going slowly as only a few dads have submitted essays to me. My video submission to the IIFF has stalled. I may just video me talking for a few moments. I had hoped once I updated my PC (yes that is when it crashed, tragic I know) I could then download MovieMaker and really get into my submission.
Sometimes my nickname of Charlie Brown appears accurate. At least I am able to forward my and my wife's e-mail to my blackberry. Feel free to say hello. I can't even moderate the DI Dads Yahoo group this weekend although between my two moderators I figure it has some coverage. Max, Bob - Please look in on the group this weekend if you can?
Monday, March 12, 2007
Fighting Cousins
no. 339
One of my earliest posts titled "Kissing Cousins" addressed the fact that my kids are not blodd relatives to my nieces. This post has the same theme but with I think a reverse twist.
We spent yesterday at my sister's house with my family celebrating a birthday. My son was the only boy playing with his cousins and his younger sister. My sister's house does not have a lot of boy centered toys and usually the toys he selects to play with his cousins are not thrilled with him touching. Consequently thess visits usually end up with the girls wishing my son would go home early. Maybe not consciously but subconsciously.
My wife asked me when we finally did get home whether my sister ever explained to her kids how their cousins were created. I guessed that she had not as they are only in kindergarten and second grade. But I wondered if she had would my nieces ever say anything to my kids (especially my son) when my kids are getting on their nerves.
It's one thing when you tell family, the adults, of the use of donor conception but you never know how kids react. They may not care or they will interpret what they think they understand in some unexpected manner. Eventually we shall see.
One of my earliest posts titled "Kissing Cousins" addressed the fact that my kids are not blodd relatives to my nieces. This post has the same theme but with I think a reverse twist.
We spent yesterday at my sister's house with my family celebrating a birthday. My son was the only boy playing with his cousins and his younger sister. My sister's house does not have a lot of boy centered toys and usually the toys he selects to play with his cousins are not thrilled with him touching. Consequently thess visits usually end up with the girls wishing my son would go home early. Maybe not consciously but subconsciously.
My wife asked me when we finally did get home whether my sister ever explained to her kids how their cousins were created. I guessed that she had not as they are only in kindergarten and second grade. But I wondered if she had would my nieces ever say anything to my kids (especially my son) when my kids are getting on their nerves.
It's one thing when you tell family, the adults, of the use of donor conception but you never know how kids react. They may not care or they will interpret what they think they understand in some unexpected manner. Eventually we shall see.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Competing Donor Conception Projects
I am competing with myself for my time. By the end of March I need to have written my own essays for the next book in the Voices of Donor Conception series. This volume is focusing on the DI Dads and men considering DI. Yes, we have started the book.
The second project competing for my time is my submission to the International Infertility Film Festival. I have not truly nailed down my premise for my submission. I know it should address MFI and Donor Insemination / Conception but how is my issue and what message am I to send. Do I need a message? Perhaps not. I can't speak from one of the pain of TTC as I am no longer at that point.
I tried filming a short series of comments the other night as my submission but close ups of me after midnight is only a view my wife should be stuck with. And what I was saying sounded preachy. I need to write and film something closer to home.
As for the book we are shooting for a June publish date, hopefully in time for Father's Day and also leave time prior to that date for some publicity of the volume.
I plan to invest my own money in this project, although my wife is not thrilled, even though we have many other expenses ahead of us including school for our son for next year. Another topic altogether but it's a real possibility he is going to Day School if I can figure how to swing it even with the discounted rate the school is offering. Discounted but not free by any means. Again another topic. We have 10 days to accept their offer.
Should be an interesting and stressful month.
The second project competing for my time is my submission to the International Infertility Film Festival. I have not truly nailed down my premise for my submission. I know it should address MFI and Donor Insemination / Conception but how is my issue and what message am I to send. Do I need a message? Perhaps not. I can't speak from one of the pain of TTC as I am no longer at that point.
I tried filming a short series of comments the other night as my submission but close ups of me after midnight is only a view my wife should be stuck with. And what I was saying sounded preachy. I need to write and film something closer to home.
As for the book we are shooting for a June publish date, hopefully in time for Father's Day and also leave time prior to that date for some publicity of the volume.
I plan to invest my own money in this project, although my wife is not thrilled, even though we have many other expenses ahead of us including school for our son for next year. Another topic altogether but it's a real possibility he is going to Day School if I can figure how to swing it even with the discounted rate the school is offering. Discounted but not free by any means. Again another topic. We have 10 days to accept their offer.
Should be an interesting and stressful month.
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