Crying Time

Lately I have been feeling a bit down. Even though I am generally a very outgoing person I have throughout my life felt very alone. Consequently my self esteem is not the greatest. When I found out I was infertile it did not help very much in validating my self worth.

Usually I keep all this stuff under the surface so no one suspects how I very often feel. As I have mentioned in recent posts we just moved to a new apartment. My stress levels due to the move and a few other factors including work have been spiking quite high.

Last night while sitting in our foyer on the floor with my wife I just lost it and started to cry. Part of our conversation involved what life would be like if we were not married and we did not have these kids. Sometimes I do not feel worthy of being their dad. I love them both dearly and occasionally it hits me hard they are not from me. Usually this is not an issue but when I am feeling low it hits me and I wish they were mine. Even though I know they are.

Sometimes its hard not to cry.